Steps To Depression

By John Stallings

Keep an exhaustive list of all hurts, slights and rejections.

This is crucial because if you fail to do so, some of them may slip your mind as time goes by. Always be mentally practicing things to say back to people who hurt your feelings. Go out of your way to go back to places where you’ve been humiliated and try to even the score.

Spend some time each day scanning the past and rehashing your mistakes and disappointments. You’ve heard that time is the great “healer” but, what you don’t hear much is- the passage of time is a great “stealer” of our memories of hurts -and unless great vigilance is exercised things will slip through the cracks of our memory. This is such a pity when with a little effort the past can remain as real as the present.

IMPORTANT!-If you forgive too easily you’re undermining yourself. Only weak people forgive easily. You’re dealing with principle here, don’t lose sight of that. When great principles are trampled on don’t be lulled into taking it lightly. This is HUGE! If you are put in a position of being pressured to forgive, make a federal case out of it by taking the moral high-ground. You can get a lot of mileage out of your “Bigness,” and it will set you apart from weaker folk.

DON”T buy into the “dream” stuff and don’t always be working on your dreams. This is “pie in the sky” bunk. If dreams are meant to come true they will, so don’t stress yourself over them. The real goodies in life you just sort of stumble on.

SURER-SENSITIVITY is the way to go so stay on guard at all times for things that offend you. If you’re doing this right you’ll never be able to go out to do anything without getting your feelings hurt. Malls, restaurants, dept. stores, even church---mostly church---are great places to get upset. Churches abound with rich opportunities to be hurt or unsettled. When in church, a great area of concern to you should be the music. Music may be too loud or soft, and the songs are a fertile field for you. You can be very vocal in a church because if you don’t speak your mind, “how are they to know how people really feel?”

The minister shouldn’t be exempt from scrutiny. If you feel he hasn’t as yet grasped the minister/servant principle you shouldn’t hesitate to “straighten him out.” It goes without saying that you should never take notes on sermons or jot things down in your Bible. Only preachers do this. Besides, if a point or truth is powerful enough, you’ll remember it.

When you’re going through especially hard struggles, this should be looked on as a time for isolation because being around people during these times will only provide more opportunities for being upset. Anyway, when you’re depressed your presence will only be a drag on others.

The idea that you can “shake off” depression is a myth. Don’t buy into that dangerous hokum. This idea that getting busy will help depressed people is a total trivializing of the problem. Again, isolation is the ticket.

Another dead-end street is buying Christian books and CDs when depressed. This is not only a mistake and can’t help, it’s just another shameful marketing ploy of religion. You may hear someone say that millions of people have been blessed by these materials but, again, you can see right through that can’t you? These are basically urban myths and people who believe them are “mythstaken.”

Never underestimate the power of “Retail therapy” or impulse buying in beating the blues. There’s a special lift that can only be gotten by a new hat or pair of shoes or maybe a new outboard motor.

This is KEY; never miss watching the news, national and local as this is an important part of our modern everyday lives. You must stay abreast of what’s happening in the world. Also, you need to listen closely to what the commentators say about the news as they’re trained intellectuals who’re there to help us understand. Stick with it even though you might sometimes feel like skipping the news for awhile.

It’s only human for us to spend some time comparing ourselves to others. Compare your house, your car, clothes, the lucky breaks or lack of them you’ve had. Do it often. Do it especially with your relatives. There is somehow very helpful therapy to be realized in this so be faithful in your comparison work.

Don’t make a big deal of staying connected with friends. They won’t be of any help and besides they’re probably more defeated than you are. Be sure not to write letters to people you haven’t seen in years. They’re in the past and are better left that way. It’s a waste of time and it’s an exercise in futility. Reaching out to them will in all likelihood set you up for more disappointments. Just make a flat rule not to reach out to others when depressed as it only makes things worse.

During this time avoid anything that takes effort. This will just wipe you out and you need to save your energy for the fight. Being pro-active might make you forget some of your problems and its key during this time to not be outgoing but rather incoming. You’ll find this approach will leave you with more time and energy to think of self which may help you to figure out what’s wrong with you. No matter what you may have heard to the contrary, “we’re all in this alone.”

By all means don’t make the mistake of going to anyone to talk about your problems. Books have been written about how this can get you into trouble. Let’s not forget our principle— “if God wants you to know something, He’ll tell you.”

Always have someone in your life that’s a “makeover project” for you. This is invigorating. It’s a myth that you can’t change another person. This is patently wrong. People will tell you this is a waste of time but not so. Even if it gets a little frustrating at times, you can do it.

Maintain at all costs a strong belief in the theological viewpoint of “works righteousness.” This is pleasing to God. Constantly remind yourself how “hot” hell is. These “greasy grace” folk will have a rude awakening someday. If you hear a preacher say things like, “Some things aren’t sins, they’re weights,” or “God isn’t mad at you and waiting just to throw you into hell.” you’re probably listening to a soft-soaping compromiser. Stay keenly aware that things can never be called “mistakes.” They are sins. There is right and there is wrong.

Advertise, advertise, advertise. When you feel you’ve been wronged tell as many people as possible. The key here is to enlist people to your cause. You’re not bitter, you’re wounded and the more people you can unload on and get involved, the better. They won’t be hurt by this. Remember what doesn’t kill them makes them stronger. And besides, this will give them a chance to show their loyalty to you.

Please listen carefully because there’s been lots of misunderstanding on this next point. There’s a false teaching afloat that when you’ve been rejected by a church group, an individual or any group large or small, that you should “take your ball and go home.” Removing yourself when all the signs are clear that you’re nor accepted will help you in the area of depression. Can you see how subtle that teaching is? It’s dead wrong!

Here’s the truth; when rejection comes and it will sooner or later, that’s when you should “double down” in your efforts to be accepted. You see, maybe these folk are just tolerating you now but if you’ll put your energies to work they’ll soon be celebrating you. Obviously they haven’t as yet seen your gifts and talents but by all means hang in there and you’ll eventually win these people over. Don’t let a concept like “obsessive” get to you. There’s no such thing as a “dry well.” Keep digging and your efforts will pay off in a big way.

Never do anything that will present you in a bad light such as answering a question by simply saying- “I don’t really know. Or “to tell the truth I haven’t thought about it that much.” This is so lame. Always—always have an opinion. This will let folk know they aren’t dealing with someone who “just fell off a turnip truck.” You may have heard that the best thing you can say sometimes is-nothing. The reality is you must never hold your peace.

Never, ever let a good- uplifting statement or personal compliment go unchallenged. If it’s about your clothes point out that you got them at a fire sale for practically nothing. If it’s about your nice smile and pretty front teeth point out that you have some back teeth that are almost black. Be willing to show the teeth. If it’s about your car, say, “Well; it gets me there.” If it’s about your home say, “Well, it keeps the rain off and that’s all that’s important.” Now we’re talking humility.

Cultivate a “what if” mentality. Don’t let anything happen to you that you haven’t worried about well in advance. Constantly remind yourself that you’re subject to a vast gene pool and be well versed on the ages that your grandparents died. Scrutinize every ache or pain and carefully examine every wart and carbuncle. Stores are full of books on the subject of symptom logy and there’s no excuse for not being well read on the scads of illnesses out there.

Expect to be patted on the back when you’ve done good work. People love to give this kind of support so just take it for granted. When you win an award or get a promotion or experience any kind of high-water mark in life, watch out—you’ll be inundated with congrats and cudo’s.

If and when you cross that invisible line into super- success, have great expectations of the love that will be showered on you. You surely won’t be disappointed.

These are but a few helpful hints on how to be -and stay depressed.


Blessings,


John