Getting unstuck for a brand new year

By John Stallings


If you saw the movie Groundhog Day; you have a perfect example of a man who’s stuck, living the same day over and over.

 It’s sort of a twilight zone of sameness with no seeming ability to affect any kind of change. We yearn for new vistas but seem to be fresh out of ideas as to how and where to find them. We look down the road and see no chance of anything but more of the same. We all know what it’s like to be in a car that’s stuck, either in snow or mud, but this is worse. It’s the realization that we’re not moving forward, and we feel paralyzed. There are projects we know we need to start or finish, but we’re seemingly trapped and frozen in place.

Some people feel that “being stuck” is a signal that something has gone horribly wrong; somehow they’ve missed it, and they’re terribly off course. This is not always the case; as a matter of fact, feeling stuck is a condition that can be good for us. For one thing, a prime prerequisite for getting unstuck is to be stuck. When we’re stuck, we’ve lost our momentum and are forced, at least temporarily, to stop and assess our lives.

Feeling stuck acts as an inward summons or call. We face the fact that we are dissatisfied with where we are. We see the utter futility of our situation, and, if we are wise, we reach for another level to satisfy the desire for change. At that point, we are reaching for that which really satisfies, and, in so doing, we are calling out for God. So that’s why I say that being stuck isn’t really a bad thing. What has happened is, because of the stuck feelings, we have begun to readjust our lives, looking for a clearer perspective. In a way we are calling out, “What’s next for me, God?

”SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET STUCK IN THE PAST.Some people live in the past and seem to revel in the hurts of yesterday. They won’t shake loose from their past failures or calamities because, to them, the past is more important than the present. When you talk to them, you quickly see they are totally caught up with and committed to keeping the past more real than the present. They are stuck.

In John 5, Jesus saw a man sitting beside the pool of Bethesda. He had been sitting there for thirty-eight years, trying to be first into the water after it was troubled by the angel. Jesus came along and heard the man’s story and immediately saw that he was stuck. I would say that thirty-eight years of sitting in the same spot, whining about the same problem is really being stuck. It didn’t cross the man’s mind that there was another way. When Jesus was able to get him to quit worrying about his past defeats and disappointments and look to Him, the man was healed, and he carried his bed away.

WE CAN GET STUCK IN OLD PATTERNS AND HABITS.It’s not hard to develop bad habits (sometimes sinful), but more often people are just bogged in ruts. Some give up, figuring they can’t change, so why try? Perhaps because of resentment or a negative thought pattern they’ve been in so long, they think their situation could never change. Perhaps they’ve come to believe their lot in life is already static, and nothing can ever be different.

MAYBE YOU’RE STUCK FINANCIALLY OR WITH SOME OTHER PHYSICAL NEED.

In John 2, Jesus attended a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and they had run out of wine. The people were stuck with no libation, and obviously it put the wedding planners in a bit of an embarrassing spot. They were stuck with no wine. Though Jesus’ time had not yet come to do miracles, He responded to the need and performed His first miracle by turning water into wine. When we are stuck financially, emotionally, or in any other way, we should immediately turn to Jesus, knowing He’ll always be responsive to our needs.

YOU MAY BE STUCK WITH A FALSE ASSUMPTION.

In Joel 2:23-32, the prophet speaks to a people who are stuck in despair, feeling things will never get better. He tells them to look up and be glad for God is going to do great things for them. They have a great future if they’ll rise up and take hold of it by faith. He says in verse 25,--And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. 26And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. 27And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel and that I am the LORD your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.28And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions.

In I Kings 17 we read the story of Elijah being sent to the home of the widow of Zarephath. A famine was in progress, and the only thing she had was just enough meal to make a cake for herself and her son, then die of slow starvation. This poor little widow woman was indeed stuck. Elijah asked her to make him a little cake first, and at that point she had a choice. She could believe the word of the man of God or do it her way, and no doubt die. When she opted to obey, she was given a miracle supply of oil and meal that lasted for many days. When things are going bad and we are stuck in some situation or other, we should always listen for Gods voice, for He’ll have a plan to get us unstuck. The only thing the widow had to do was exercise obedience, and her need was met. To get unstuck, you and I will often have to make that same choice--to obey God.

SOMETIMES BEING STUCK IS JUST PURE PROCRASTINATION.We develop a habit of putting things off until it finally turns into resistance to tasks that are unpleasant to us. Though we don’t enjoy thinking about it, sometimes we can become stubborn, which started as a childhood-survival technique we may have developed to ward off controlling people. We learned early that we can resist certain things, and people can do nothing but accept our resistance. Perhaps we even enjoyed seeing how it frustrated others when we used those powers of resistance. This may have worked as a child, but it isn’t necessary now, and if we don’t recognize what’s happening, it can be a tool to sabotage our motivation. Now it translates to pure, old, mule-headed stubbornness, keeping us from the changes we should make.

MAYBE WE ARE STUCK BECAUSE WE ARE RESISTING CHANGE.Are you stuck at the beginning of the great New Year, 2008?HERE ARE A FEW HELPFUL HINTS FOR GETTING UNSTUCK.

1. Look at your situation realistically. Does anything in the aforementioned apply? Ask God to help you see what’s really stopping your progress.

2. Look for the bottlenecks in your situation and address them.

3. Develop a “what’s next” mentality. God will show you His will if you seek Him.

4. Don’t hesitate to go to people you respect and enlist their prayers and advice. Don’t forget to seek God.

5. When you get temporarily stuck on a project, walk away for a while, and you’ll come back to it with a new perspective.

6. Home run king, Henry Aaron, had this advice: In a slump, keep swinging.

7. Help others with their problems, and yours will seem smaller.

8. Take care of yourself spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

9. Start each day with God’s Word and a prayer for guidance.

10. You are looking for ways to make progress in your life. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have read these little tips by such a non-expert as I. If we keep reaching, the best is yet to come in. In Saskatchewan there’s a sign by the side of a muddy road which reads:

CHOOSE YOUR RUT CAREFULLY, YOU’LL BE IN IT A LONG TIME. Happy New Year,

John & Juda

HOLIDAY GREETINGS

John Stallings

My little China doll granddaughter Lily is helping me get used to my new laptop. She’s 12 & actually knows more about computers than I do. Lia who is 7, is observing the process but doesn’t really want to tell me she also knows more than me. I wanted to check in with my readers & let you know Juda & I made it from Orlando to Philadelphia, in roughly 18 hours. Last night as we were driving from Washington D.C into Philly, it was raining sideways & extremely foggy. I had forgotten how much pointing the car & praying had to do with driving in the north in the winter time.

It’s Christmas Eve & the house here in West Chester is abuzz. My stepson Dan married into a family with eight sisters and two brothers so tomorrow, if not later to day they’ll begin to appear with there families. I’ll have to make my decision as I do most every year if I will buzz up to New York for the day Wednesday [Amtrak] & the weather does look promising. Juda as always, will opt not to go but to spend the time with her son & family.

Jeanne, Dan’s wife & I share the same b-day December 29th. That’s Saturday. We haven’t decided if we’ll stay that long but whatever the case we’ll go from here to Morristown Tennessee then to Kingston. We’ll be back in Florida, Lord willing, January 2d. Have a great Christmas & a happy New Year! ---John

NO ROOM FOR JESUS

By John Stallings

…..There was no room for them in the Inn.—Luke 2:7

If God became a man, what would we expect Him to be like?

First, we’d expect Him to be sinless. Jesus was. “He was tempted in all points like as we are yet without sin.” Even Pilate who sat as his judge after all the noise that had gone away, came to this conclusion… “I find no fault with this man.”

The Roman soldier came to the same conclusion & so did the thief on the cross. Nobody could ever bring an accusation against Him. A trail before Annas, a trial before Caiaphas, a trial before Herod passed back to Pilate; nobody could come up with anything. If God were a man I’d expect Him to be sinless. The record of history & the apostolic testimony & the truth is; Jesus was sinless.

If God were a man I’d expect Him to speak the most profound & greatest words ever spoken. Wouldn’t you? Jesus did. The comment of his critics was, “We never heard anybody speak like this.” Every time He spoke they were absolutely astounded.

If God were a man I would also expect Him to exert a profound influence over everyone He came in contact with. He did.

The impact of Jesus Christ on humanity is without equal. His disciples were simple men but He turned them into men who changed the world. And He’s still transforming people like that. Influence…. if He were God, I’d expect Him to have influence like that.

If God were a man I’d expect Him to do miracles. Jesus did…repeatedly, publicly, unarguably, dramatically & prolifically.

If God were a man I’d expect Him to know the future. Jesus did. He predicted things about Himself, things about the nation Israel, details about the future, and the end of the world.


If God were a man, I’d expect Him to show us what God was like. He did. We saw in Him love, kindness, mercy & grace that was absolutely utterly & beyond anything any human could ever experience. And we saw in Him a level of virtue, fairness, wisdom, the likes of which the world has never seen.

If God were a man & He came to earth, He’d come out Jesus Christ. And that’s the case. He makes the invisible God visible.

In Jesus Christ, we’re not dealing with a man, not just a great man; we’re dealing with the creator of the whole universe. The whole Kosmos, the whole material universe was made by Jesus Christ. I mean, just to think about that boggles the mind.

If you could bore a hole in the sun & start dumping earths into it, you could put one million, two-hundred thousand earths in it & still have room for four million three-hundred thousand moons.

The sun is startlingly massive. The sun is 93 million miles away. The nearest star, Alpha Centuri, is five times bigger than the sun. The moon is only 211 thousand 463 miles away. You could walk to the moon in 27 years if you’d walk 24 miles a day. A ray of light travels 186 thousand miles per second so it reaches the moon in 1.5 seconds.

If we can go that fast, if we can get up to that speed, we can reach Mercury in four & a half minutes, it’s only 50 million miles away. In fact in two minutes we can be at Venus that’s just 26 million miles. In four minutes 21 seconds we can hit Mars; it’s only 34 million miles away. We could hop over to Jupiter, that’s only 367 million miles & it will take us 35 minutes & 11 seconds.

To go to Saturn will take us an hour & 11 seconds because its 790 million miles away. If you really feel like hitting the road we could go to Uranus which is one billion six-hundred & eight million miles & Neptune which is three billion & Pluto is past all of that. And when you get to Pluto, you haven’t left the front porch.

Bettlejuice, [Betelgeuse] the amazing star, is 880 quad-drillion miles away. Now push in your upper plate…… because its diameter is…. is greater….greater than the earth’s orbit.

Who made all this matter? Who made all that stuff? JESUS. He made the creation & He made it good!

While we’re at it, if the earth’s rotation slowed down, we would alternately freeze & burn. God has got to keep His universe moving at the same speed all the time. If we get too close to the sun, percolating at 12 thousand degrees Fahrenheit, we’re going to fry. If we get any further we’re going to freeze.

Our globe has seven different movements. It circles the sun while rotating on its own axis & it wobbles, just to name three. We are tilted at 23 degrees which enables us to have four seasons. If that wasn’t the case, vapors from the ocean would move north & south & pile up massive continents of ice on both ends & we’d have major problems in the rotation to say nothing of the seasons. If the moon didn’t remain at the exact precise distance it is from the earth, the ocean tide would inundate all the land twice a day.

Who keeps all that in place? Jesus does. Listen to Colossians 1:17;--speaking of the Kosmos--

He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it together right up to this minute.—The Message

If the ocean even slipped to a few feet deeper than it is, carbon dioxide and the oxygen in the earth’s atmosphere would be completely absorbed & no vegetable life could exist. Jesus is the creator, the sustainer & upholder of all creation.

The Christmas season has always been my favorite time of the year. I have always absolutely loved everything about Christmas, the colors, the Christmas music, the fellowship & the reveling in the wonderful Christmas story.

However in the last few years, like many of us I’ve been grieved when I’ve witnessed the blatant bias that is palpable in the culture during this season. We give Martin Luther King a day of celebration & the dead presidents get a day, & the 4th of July gets a day & this is as it should be. But have you ever heard of anyone suing someone for celebrating any of those days?

Isn’t it amazing that in any public setting on public property we can’t celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, sing His praises or articulate His uniqueness without the threat of a lawsuit or a ban?

But the truth is, nobody wants to stop the celebration, that’s not the idea of the commercial world, they want & need the money. I was talking to a few merchant friends of mine recently & they were moaning the blues about lack of money & hoping & praying Christmas, or Jesus, would pull then out of their financial hole. Jesus’ birthday has become all important to the business world-- if they could just have the party without Jesus everybody would be happy. The birthday of Jesus is extremely valuable if they could just keep Jesus out of it.

Why does it seem that Jesus is less important than George Washington? Why is He pushed into the background? Should people who want to sing His praises & proclaim His greatness be silenced?

The Christmas story tells us that Jesus was born in a stable because……There was no room for Him in the Inn.
2,000 years hasn’t changed the fact that there is still –NO ROOM FOR JESUS.

Listen Christian friend, if the world has no room for Jesus they won’t have room for you either. But if the world has no room for Him, you should have no room for them. I mean that in the sense that we should have no room for the wicked world system that ironically gladly accepts the financial gain Jesus brings them while refusing to acknowledge who He is.

Listen to the words of Isaiah;

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The prince of peace. And of the increase of His government & peace, there shall be no end…..Ish.9:6-7

When Thomas Jefferson was Vice President, he tried to register at Baltimore's most posh hotel but was turned down because he was dressed as a farmer.When the hotel owner learned they'd turned away the Vice President he sent his apologies telling him he would be welcome anytime. Jefferson had already found other lodging & sent back a letter saying he fully understood the hotel owners position but that if an American farmer wasn't welcome at his hotel, then neither was the Vice President.

Much the same thing happened to the The King of the universe when He appeared in Bethlehem on that night so long ago.

Juda & I always have a lovely tree in our home at Christmas time as I’m sure you do, but the tree says something different to us than it does most of the world.

Listen to Peter tell us about what the real Christmas tree was, & is;

Who His own self bare our sins in His body on the tree, that we being dead in sins, should live unto righteousness; by whose stripes ye were healed.—1 Peter 2:24.

My wife Juda & I look forward to leaving in a few days to be with family in Pennsylvania & Tennessee over the week of Christmas. Please remember us in your prayers & as the song goes—

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas.”

Every Blessing in Christ &,

Merry Christmas everyone!!

John

One year from now

By John Stallings

Elisha said to her, “This time next year you’re going to be nursing an infant son….. 2Kings 4: 16-- The Message

Because we’re created for eternity, all of us have dreams.

A little girl dreams of someday becoming a ballerina.
A little boy wants to grow up & be a fireman.
A young woman dreams of becoming a lawyer.
A stay- at- home mom dreams of running her own business.
A single mom dreams of someday being able to stay at home & take care of her kids.
A business man dreams of one day owning his own business.
Some want a new truck or a piece of land.
Still others dream of “making it” in singing, acting or sports.
Some want to raise kids to be successful in life.
Each of us has the desire for more of life, to do more, to accomplish more & get more out of our lives.


One thing we all have in common; everyone has & needs dreams. Someone has said, “If you have no dream, how you will ever have a dream come true?” Dreams deliver us to a new reality. We need to follow our dreams, and never stop dreaming, though we reach 100 years of age. What dreams languish in your heart today? W.H Murray said, “Whatever your dream began it, for boldness has magic in it.” How true. We are drawn by our dreams.


DREAMS CAN SOMETIMES BE TRICKY


There seems to be a principle about dreams that they are born, die and then surprisingly they come to life again. Every song I’ve ever written has gone through a cycle; the birth, - attacks of doubt about its validity, --death, --and resurrection. I write the song, get excited about it, and sleep on it for awhile, and then excitement starts to wane. Then, sometimes almost immediately, sometimes weeks or months later, the feeling I had about the song reignites. The danger of this is that in the cooling period, a lot of worthwhile writing can drop through the cracks and be lost. None the less, this is the way it works with me, and I would guess others.

In the book of Second Kings the fourth chapter there is a great story with just such a dynamic; the birth, death & resurrection of a dream. The story unfolds among four characters; Elisha, God’s prophet, Gehazi, his assistant, the Shunammite woman, a noble, wealthy & pious woman, and her miracle son. Each of these characters has modern day counterparts which makes the story more intriguing & allows it to be instructive for Christian living.

Elisha, God’s servant, who was Elijah’s successor, is presented in an extremely positive light in the biblical record & it’s almost impossible to find a word of negativity spoken of him or his actions.

Gehazi, Elisha’s assistant on the other hand seems to be pretty much a hireling. We find his name popping up often & in the next chapter he takes money from Namaan the leper, money Elisha refuses to take as payment for the Syrian commanders healing. For this, God struck Gehazi & his descendants with Namaan’s leprosy. He’s a perfect type of a minister who’s in it for the money.

The Shunammite woman is described as “great” or “notable”, a Hebrew word that can speak of wealth, piety, renown or all the above. Elisha periodically passed by her home as he traveled the countryside. As she became acquainted with him she perceived him to be a great man of God so she and her husband built a room or prophet’s chamber in their home for him. This woman to me is a type of the church.

Because of her hitherto childlessness, this woman could have become bitter but she was still reaching out to people & loving them. Because of her lack of children she could have blamed God for it & felt she wanted no man of God to stay in her home. She definitely had the right attitude & there must have been an atmosphere of faith & godliness in her house.

Though the Shunammite woman might not be very familiar today, she served as an important symbol in the 19th & early 20th centuries. There weren’t enough clergy for every town to have their own minister so frontier preachers maintained a circuit & served several communities which meant they were traveling all the time. My grandfather was one of these circuit riding preachers & served Tennessee & Georgia as an evangelist for the Presbyterian Church. He had only one eye, he played the violin & was later a piano teacher.

In those days, numerous homes along the preacher’s way were known as “Shunammite Households” because they would maintain a “prophet’s chamber” available on a moments notice to provide food & lodging to those doing the Lord’s work.

Lest we forget the Shunammite woman’s son, he was born as a result of an Abraham-Sarah-like miracle. To me he represents Everyman, a child of the church & the individual Christian.

The father in this story seems basically to be only background or “white-noise,” & he plays a “bit part.”

Elisha was grateful for the kindness shown him by this Shunammite woman & in turn he wanted to bless her. When He found she had no children & her husband was old, he spoke the blessing of a child into her life.

AT FIRST THIS WOMAN DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH FAITH TO BELIEVE GOD COULD GIVE HER A CHILD.


Elisha gave her a word of prophecy that one year from that time, she and her husband would have a son. She reacted by telling the prophet not to lie to her, showing that her faith was weak in this area. None- the- less, exactly at that time the next year the prophecy came true and she held a son in her arms. Isn’t it great that even when we don’t have enough faith, God is gracious to have mercy on us in spite of our doubts? However God expects our faith to grow so He’ll stretch us & test our faith just as He did in this woman’s case.

So this Shunammite woman realized her dream & it came to fruition at the precise time Elisha told her it would happen, exactly one year from the time he prophesied it.

MAY I ASK-- WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ONE YEAR FROM NOW?

Why not take the long view and believe that one year from now you will be out of debt, greatly blessed, or maybe engaged to a great person, if you’re single, and on your way to a great future. Isn’t that better than believing that you’ve fallen into a black hole and things will never improve? There’s nothing wrong with a one year plan, because a lot can happen in one year. I’m not talking about a New Years resolution, but rather believing God for something great exactly one year from now.

When this son was about 12 years old he was with his father in the field one day and suddenly the boy ran to his dad complaining of pains in his head. Though the details are scanty, most commentators believe in all probability he fell victim to a sunstroke because of direct exposure to the sun. Being a child he succumbed quickly because he probably wasn’t wearing any protective head-gear. This is reminiscent of young Christians who expose themselves to the perils of this worlds system for long periods of time without making sure they're constantly protected by “The whole armor of God.”

When the boy fell ill they took him to his mother to be comforted but within a short time he died in her arms. How many former Christian workers have we seen die in the arms of the church in the last two decades? The Shunammite woman knows her son is dead but she does a rather strange thing. She takes him up to Elisha’s room, lays him on the bed, & shuts the door. Then she goes out & shouts to her husband from a distance asking him to send her one of the servants with a donkey, she wants to go see the man of God.

So now this woman has seen her dream come true, held the dream in her arms, and then sees the dream shattered & her son die right before her eyes.


THIS WOMAN STUBBORNLY REFUSED TO BECOME OFFENDED AT GOD.

This Shunammite woman doesn’t seem to accept that her child is really dead. She tells no one & in effect by putting the child in the prophet’s private room & shutting the door, she’s effectively hiding his condition from her husband, & to an extent, even from herself.

Look at some of alternatives she now had: she could go into a rage, start panicking and screaming and cursing the God who had given her the gift and now so cruelly taken it from her. She could have had a melt-down & gone on a tirade saying, “Well I quit. If that’s what God does to you, I want no more to do with him.” Some people blame God when bad things happen to them. I’ve seen folk who never again darkened a church door after life dealt them a disappointment similar to this.

But you don’t see those kinds of hysterics with this woman. Look what a paragon of faith she is. She doesn’t even cry or tell her husband what’s happened, probably because she knows he isn’t able to handle the situation spiritually or emotionally. It would have been understandable if she’d gone into a rage & ranted against God & His man who’d built her up for a letdown. But this woman is a model of level-headedness. She wasn’t going to make a big scene; she was going to seek out the originator of the promise made to her. She wasn’t going to go public against the man of God & malign his character but rather she was going to him privately with her problem.

She’s in mission mode now. Nothing would deter her. She climbs on the donkey & says, “Drive & go forward. Don’t slacken the pace unless I tell you to.” The servant is probably running beside her goading the little donkey with a stick. We’re not told how much trouble she had finding Elisha. It probably wasn’t all that easy because he was at Carmel about 15 miles away. But she found him and when she saw him she ran to him & fell at his feet to tell him what had happened.

When some folk have trouble, they run from God. They stay out of church and hibernate, but this woman is going in the right direction; God is always the right direction.

Isaiah 55: 6-7 says, Seek ye the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near……

LONG BEFORE THE MODERN CONFESSION TEACHING, THIS WOMAN HAS A STRONG POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

Elisha must have been eternally vigilant because he wasn’t in bed sleeping; he was outside & saw her coming. He asked her if things were well with her & back at home & she answered, “All is well.” Think about that. She acts like she’s already read Romans 4:17 hundreds of years before Paul ever penned it, by “calling things which were not as if they were.”

It’s interesting that when the Shunammite woman fell at Elisha’s feet Gehazi attempts to push her away from the prophet. The bible has little good to say about Gehazi. Though he takes the commands of the prophet & obeys them well, there’s that sense of unbelief that hovers between the lines when he’s mentioned. We know one thing for sure; he had a greed for money which finally proved his undoing. It’s sad because Gehazi had all the time in the world to soak up righteous principles from his master Elisha but he doesn’t seem to hunger for that. He’s emblematic of people who are exposed to the church but never internalize the truth for themselves. They [especially the professional hirelings] see the church only as a place to extract dollars.

Elisha was so sensitive to her need that he immediately tells Gehazi to run ahead and place his staff on the child. Here again Gehazi shows his inadequacy & spiritual impotence. The narrative doesn’t mention him praying for the boy. Even laying Elisha’s mantle on him does no good.
Gehazi simply didn’t have the spiritual goods to get the job done even with Elisha’s mantel. He tried & failed once, & he gave up. Evidently he’d never heard about, “try, try again.”

To me this Gehazi fits the description of those Paul speaks of in 2nd Timothy 3:8,….. Having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof.

The boy is stone cold dead. In the bible the euphemism for death is sleep. “For this cause many are weak & sickly among you & many sleep.--1 Cor. 11:30 God’s people need to be awake & alert in these days when sin & darkness abounds. Paul says in Romans 13:11-12….it is high time to wake out of sleep…..

When Elisha arrives at the Shunammites house things are still the same & the boy lies dead on his bed. The boy is now with the prophet but he’s still dead. Many people are “in the church” on a weekly basis but they remain asleep. Parking a lawnmower in a garage doesn’t make it an automobile.

Unlike Gehazi, Elisha throws himself into the task of reviving the child. First he shuts the door, putting everyone outside. This is a private matter. I don’t know about you but I think we’ve been remiss in airing the church’s dirty laundry & allowing our business to be put in the streets. We have “Christian Magazines” just for this purpose. However one reason for that is we haven’t had, as the body of Christ, the spiritual power to restore anyone. Paul told us when a Christian slips, …Brethren if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself lest thou also be tempted. Gal.6:1

Maybe I’m reading it wrong but it would seem to me if people aren’t restored, it must be because there’s no one around spiritual enough to restore them. We can criticize, we can publicize but we can’t restore. It becomes much easier to just cut the fallen ones loose.

Elisha knows he’s the only one that can get the job done & that any hope of life for the boy depends on his relationship with God.

Notice how hard Elisha works to get this boy healed. He stretches himself out on the child eye to eye, mouth to mouth, & hand to hand. We’ll never win the world from behind the four walls of a church. We must “press the flesh” so to speak to ever see the lost won to Christ. There are only two types of institutions that I know of who have stained or clouded glass on their windows & that’s the church & bars.

For too long the church has sat behind walls & been entertained with no connection to the lost & dying in our world. Consequently we’ve lost our “street cred.”

Elisha stretches himself out on the boy the second time & this time something happens. The boy sneezes. He not only sneezes, he sneezes seven times. Do you know what a sneeze is? The dictionary defines it as—“a sudden violent, spasmodic audible expiration of breath through the nose & mouth especially as a reflex act.” A sneeze occurs as a reaction to an irritant of some kind; dust, dander, allergen etc.

I did some research on sneezing & found that in sneezing, the respiratory system convulses with a blast of air traveling at the speed of 240 mph in its attempt to dislodge and expel the offending particle.

The spiritual counterpart to sneezing is repentance. Listen to 2nd Cor. 7:10-11---

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. For behold this selfsame thing that ye sorrowed after a godly sort what carefulness it wrought in you, yea what clearing of yourselves, yea what indignation, yea what fear, yea what vehement desire, yea what zeal, yea what revenge. In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

In the analogy of reviving a body to life, sneezing is a perfect picture of the individual Christian’s repentance.

Why did the boy sneeze seven times? The number seven in the bible is the number of completion. The book of Revelation has seven churches, seven lampstands, seven spirits, seven eyes, seven seals, trumpets, plagues, bowls, thunders, heads, crowns, mountains, & kings. There are many other lists of seven in the bible.

When the child sneezed seven times it was an example of complete repentance. One or two sneezes won’t get the job done; he must sneeze until all the impediments are completely gone.


I WANT GOD TO WORK IN MY LIFE LIKE THAT--TO STRETCH OUT & BREATHE ALL OVER ME.

What a miraculous story. A story that would never have happened if the woman had not been a fighter. What if she had gotten so caught up in the finality of death that she collapsed in despair? She could have allowed a hundred things to divert her that day and her dream would have been over. She could have gotten mad at God for what seemed like a cruel joke played on her by granting her a son and then taking him away. She could have even been angry enough at the man of God that she would never want to see him again. She could have said, “Well, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away.” She could have said, “Well I’m too old now to see another miracle, that’s it for me, after all, God works in mysterious ways.”

It's one thing to bow to Gods will, we haven’t much choice, but it’s another to give up when a little more fight may win the day. The violent take it by force! If I’m lying on my deathbed I don’t want to hear people praying, “Lord, if it be thy will, heal Him.” I don’t want my wife to pray, “Take him on Jesus, I know heavens a lonely place & you need a few more roses to bloom in your flower garden.” I’ve told Juda if she ever prays for me like that I’ll come back & haunt her for the rest of her life. God didn’t kill this young man, the devil did. It’s my conviction that when someone is facing death, we shouldn’t pray, “if it be they will, heal the person, but according to thy will heal them.”

Let’s look at this story and understand that just because a dream comes, doesn’t mean it can’t and won’t slip away. However, If it does, we need to fight with everything within us to see it resurrected. There may be something in your life today that you need to fight for. Let me ask you about your dream, how much do you want it? Are you going to give up without a fight? You may have laid your dream up on a shelf and it’s been there for years. It perhaps has grown dusty and parched with age but I want to encourage you to take that dream off the shelf today and allow God to breathe life back into it. Do believe it can happen? I know it can.

WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING IN 2008—0NE YEAR FROM NOW?

Friend, don’t settle for shallow living. Maybe you’ve seen some of the dreams you’ve had for yourself turn to nightmares so consequently you’ve began to dream dreams that are always safe & quiet requiring little risk, practically none in fact.

But have you considered lately the dreams God has for you? Listen to 1 Cor.2:9;

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined what God has prepared for them who love Him.


In the great New Testament Hall of Fame in Hebrews 11:35, the Holy Spirit brings the Shunammite woman back to our remembrance; ---Women received their dead raised to life again.

God made sure the story of this woman & her son lived on for a reason. If like her, your promise has died, follow her example & stretch it out before the living God & expect a miracle. Ask the Lord to revive the promise—your life----your ministry---your job. Ask God to remove everything in your path.

Dear friend, dream big with huge faith attached to it. Most of all make sure you’re dreaming never scheming. Know that any dream worth its salt will have some opposition.

If we, like this woman, will stay positive, will keep our eye on the one who placed the dream in us, refuse to quit or become offended, act in faith & keep our love-level high, our future also holds some miraculous surprises,

ONE YEAR FROM NOW!

Blessings,

John

Big Boy Christianity

By John Stallings


Like many of you, the Spirit of God got a hold of my heart at a very young age.

 By the time I was six I realized that Jesus loved me & died on the cross to save me. So I gave Him my heart & life & was born into the family of God.

As you might expect, I had no spiritual vocabulary & no spiritual teeth. I didn’t understand all there was to know about Jesus & still don’t. If you’d put a gun on me I couldn’t have told you what repentance or faith was. I had received the spirit of adoption whereby I could cry Abba or Da-da according to Romans 8:15, but that’s about it.

I think I was pretty much a normal baby, spiritually & physically . I remember my first “little mans” haircut & remember crying to get out of the barber chair. My kinfolk never let me forget that I was so scared all I could sobbingly say was “Feet on floor daddy, feet on floor.”

Though my parents never said much about it, I can imagine the relief when I slowly began to grow up, though I also have a feeling it took quite a long time. One of the phrases I can remember hearing most from my childhood was “Johnny, be a big-boy.” Come on son, be a big-boy for daddy, or mommy.” I can also remember that sentiment being impressed on me in non-verbal, somewhat painful ways that centered on the place where I sat down.

One of the reasons a baby takes so much care is because in their world, it’s all about them & their needs. They’re always getting hurt, if not really hurt they’re getting their feelings hurt & they’re always making a mess for someone else to clean up.

As much as we love our babies, we have to admit that in the home, if there’s a problem, it usually centers around the babies. Have you ever noticed that the same is true in a church? You can count on spiritual babies to be at the center of just about every church disturbance.

Acts chapter 15: 36-41 gives us a rare glimpse behind the scenes into the inner working of perhaps the greatest missionary team the Holy Spirit ever put together.

This little glimpse into the lives of Paul & Barnabas shows the humanity yet spiritual maturity of the two men. Paul needs no introduction anywhere because He’s without doubt one of the icons of Holy Writ. Barnabas however isn’t as well known but it’s good to remember that his name meant “Son of consolation” or “Encourager.” It’s rather special to be named after a gift of the spirit. i.e. Romans 12:8.

Barnabas was responsible for over half the books of the New Testament. Paul wrote 13 of them, & Barnabas was the man who brought Paul to the brethren in Jerusalem. Acts 9:26-27. Mark wrote one & no doubt it was Barnabas who loved & encouraged him to continue in the faith. That’s 14, over half of the 27 books.

Have you ever heard the term “kinfolk’s complex?” The word we use today is nepotism. What both terms refer to is a prejudicial, biased leaning toward family. This problem is at the root of what’s happening in this story.

On Paul & Barnabas’ first missionary trip together, John Mark the cousin of Barnabas accompanied them. Somewhere along the way John Mark decided to leave the team & return to his home in Jerusalem. We’re not told the reason for his departure however some have theorized the fires of resistance to the gospel were so hot, John Mark allowed fear to cause him to tuck-tail & run.

When a second campaign was planned Barnabas suggests taking John Mark along as helper. Paul promptly nixed the idea. The scripture tells us that “sharp contention” developed between Barnabas & Paul over John Mark. Barnabas says he goes, Paul says he doesn’t go. They couldn’t agree so they split up. As far as I’m able to discern, the two remarkable men never saw each other again.

It’s impossible to read this drama & not be moved. The encouraging thing is the break-up didn’t come over doctrine. The rupture involved a personal dispute based on a judgment call. To their credit Paul nor Barnabas didn’t allow the conflict to distract them from their respective efforts of spreading the gospel. They were big-boys & exhibited “big-boy” maturity. Too often we can act like babies when we have a disagreement.

If  ever raised kids you know the most glorious day was when the kids could sit at a table & feed themselves. youWe knew then they were becoming big boys & girls. I think God has the same feeling when He sees His kids growing up & not reacting to a speed-bump like it was a mountain.

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN SPIRITUAL MINDS & HEARTS WILL DISAGREE.

The important thing is to stay focused on the work of God. Because of the disagreement, Barnabas chose his cousin John Mark & they formed an evangelistic team. Paul chose Silas & both teams went on the road.

Which team was most successful? As far as we know they were both equally successful. Some have said that Paul was just too stubborn in the matter. However we read in Acts 15:40 that the Church commended Paul & Silas, but no such commendation came for Barnabas & John Mark.

Paul may have been motivated more by experience, cool logic & rationality, while Barnabas was guided by a kindred familiarity & a warm heart. Most of can relate to Barnabas here because we’ve all needed a second chance occasionally.

It’s interesting to note that later on Paul writes to Timothy & says,-

-Get Mark & bring him with you, for he is profitable to me in the ministry.—2 Tim.4:11

Sounds to me like "uncle barny" got some vindication here.

Ladies & gentlemen, we are looking here at a case of brass tacks Christian maturity. We are allowed to closely inspect how God’s choice men dealt with disagreements. Let’s look at some of the aspects of the way Paul & Barnabas settled their dispute & see what we might glean & utilize the next time we have a problem with a family member, Christian friend or worker.

I think you’ll agree that 95% of our problems will be less than Paul & Barnabas’ situation so let’s see how we can disagree & still be like Jesus. Let’s see what “Big-Boy” Christianity is all about.

1. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION BEFORE YOU DISAGREE.

We’ve looked closely at Paul & Barnabas’ problem & see the simple story; they disagreed over taking John Mark on this missionary trip. It’s all laid out rather simply for us don’t you agree?

Proverbs 18:13 says,--he that answereth a matter before he hears it, it is folly & shame to him.

The following ad was placed in a newspaper,

“Wendell Walsh has a sewing machine for sale.
 It belongs to the lady who loves with him.
—Ph. 359-4704 Address 67 Walnut street.”

The next day the following ad appeared.—“Wendell Walsh no longer has a sewing machine for sale. I have smashed it. The owner did not love with me; she’s an elderly lady who lived in my upstairs apartment. Please don’t call 359-4704, it’s been disconnected. Please don’t go to 67 Walnut Street, I no longer live there.”

What a mess, & all the confusion was caused by the mix-up of two letters, I & O.

So much pain is caused on a daily basis because someone got their facts wrong. In the news just this week we heard about a young woman in a beauty pageant who was crowned queen & as she walked around with the crown on her head the judges started comparing notes because they knew she wasn’t the one they voted # ONE.

It was embarrassing for all concerned when they had to back-peddle & remove the crown from one woman’s head & place it on the real winners head, all because of a mistake in counting.

Paul Harvey just this week told about one of the top national credit reporters who messed up a woman’s credit & it took her ten years to get them to clean up their mistake. After all those years of suffering the credit company finally found [admitted to] their problem & the woman was given millions in compensation, but not before wrecking her good name & her emotions in the process.

It’s almost impossible to overstate the importance of having our facts straight before we allow our opinions to jell, especially when it’s something we are telling to others as the truth. There’ll be plenty of time to disagree, but first get the truth.

11. DON’T INFLATE THE IMPORTANCE OF ONE DISAGREEMENT.

Paul & Barnabas didn’t over inflate the importance of the disagreement they had. How do I know that? As we’ve already Stated, Paul & Barnabas had the love & grace to sit down, spread out a map & say, “You go here & I’ll go there.” Every battle isn’t Armageddon & it’s always wise to choose our battles.

If you’re having a disagreement with someone, here are a few pointers that should help;

1. Check your motive. Is your problem a valid point or is it a personality problem.
2. Check your spiritual fruit. Love, joy, peace, etc.

Don’t go into a disagreement until you know your love level is higher than the disagreement level.

Read & reread 1 Corinthians 13.

3. Have you lifted this up to God in prayer? Prayer will set our hearts & minds right.
4. Have you searched the scriptures on this matter?—Do you know what the bible teaches about it?
5. If you disagree, don’t be disagreeable. Our positions don’t get us into trouble, our dispositions do.

111. ISOLATE THE TRUE ISSUE & STAY ON THE POINT. DON’T BROADEN THE AGENDA.

A couple [I’m sure all married folk have experienced this, I know I have] will be out driving & get into an argument over directions. Maybe the man will turn on the wrong street or make some other mistake the wife feels will put them off course. It’s important to remember it’s just that one corned not all corners for the rest of our lives.

And it’s extremely important to remember that our mother-in-law has nothing to do with this corner.

A couple can get into a disagreement over the wife spending money on clothes & & then she’ll say to the husband, “Well, you bought a new shotgun & you already had two guns.” Then the man might say, “I don’t like your old momma anyway.” Where did momma come from? Money, money, money, momma. Once it gets to this point old Satan has a heyday.

A person in church might come by the pastor & say, “I think the music was a little loud this morning. And while I’m at it, your tie was a little too flashy last Sunday.” I’ve seen this spirit get loose & go on to say, “And I don’t like your hair, your shoes, clothes, your car, house or kids.”

You see what that is? It’s broadening the agenda. I’m sure you know that a church of any size will have an agenda for their annual business meeting. The meeting has to be announced far enough in advance for all the folk to plan for it. Then the pastor & deacons will take all the business of the church & formulate an agenda for the meeting.

If it wasn’t done this way, you’d have people getting up during the meeting & bringing up things that would lead the proceedings way a -field. Precious time would be wasted & people would leave all dazed & confused. Centuries of experience has taught that even the best of God’s people can get into strife if meetings like this aren’t conducted in a timely, planned & deliberate way. Paul said,

--Avoid foolish & unlearned questions for they gender strife.”2 Tim 2:23

We don’t see this happening with Paul & Barnabas. As far as we know they stayed on the one issue, worked it out & never moved out of peace.

1V. LEARN HOW TO BE HONEST WITHOUT BEING BRUTAL.

In John 4:7-39, when Jesus sat down at the well & talked to the woman, he could have taken the truth & destroyed her with it. She’d had five husbands & was shacked up with one she wasn’t married to. If Jesus had thrown her past in her face, she’d have shriveled up but he didn’t. He could have said, “woman, don’t go telling people you’ve been talking to me,” but He didn’t. He allowed her to act as a messenger to go into her little town & tell the story of this man who’d told her all she’d ever done. Many people came out to see Jesus & became believers because of her testimony.

I heard about a lady who mastered the art of telling the truth without being brutal. Her husband told her one day, “Honey, I wish I could be smart, educated & handsome for you because you deserve that kind of husband.” She answered, “But I don’t want someone smart, educated & handsome, I want you.”

A young man told his dad he felt everybody in the world hated him. The dad said, “That’s silly son, everyone hasn’t met you yet.

If you watch the news at all you know that in our country, you can’t do things that appear brutal. Even if a person is caught mistreating a dog or cat, they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Human nature recoils if we see a human being or animal being treated unfairly. Though I love the animals & believe in treating them with kindness, I have a problem with the fact that we can kill unborn babies with fewer problems than we have when cats & dogs are mistreated. But "don’t be cruel" is always a good motto.

We shouldn’t make statements like; “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” or “you’re as strong as an Ox & almost as smart,” or “honey, I wish you’d lose a little weight, when you walk in front of the TV we miss three episodes.” It’s much better to learn to say; “I may be wrong but here’s what I think.”

V. NEVER BREAK YOUR PLOW OVER A STUMP!

This is a very “old school” illustration that comes from the farming culture. My father was raised on a South Georgia farm & he shared many philosophies with me that originated on “dirt poor” farms.

My grandfather used to teach his sons that some of the richest soil had stumps growing in it. What the farmer had to do was plow around the stumps instead of hitting them with his relativity fragile plow. This might seem like a no-brainer because anyone can see how unwise it would be to intentionally use a light plow on an entrenched & sturdy stump. The stumps were deeply embedded & rock solid. If a farmer tried to pull one of them up with his plow he’d not only tear- up his plow but He’d break down the horse or mule pulling the plow. So the farmer would simply plow around stumps.

There will be “stumps” growing in every field we’ll ever work in be it the ministry or a secular business. These stumps will be of the human variety. They aren’t of themselves demonic, but Satan sets them in your path trying to get you to do or say something you’ll regret. It might be a kindly old aunt, grandmother, mother-in-law, boss, neighbor or any other person “planted” in your field.

I remember in the first church I pastored there was a “stump” in the form of a little old lady who’d been in the church for fifty years. She was against me from the day I arrived in town & she’d sit in the congregation & glare at me when I preached. Looking back she was the best friend I ever had because at least I always knew where she stood & she kept me sharp. I would study and pray an extra hour just with sister……in mind. I knew she was looking for any mistake I might make & she’d trumpet it to the high heavens.

I challenge you to look at your life & pin-point the stumps in your “field.” Again, they aren’t necessarily Satanic, they may be some of best folk you’ll ever meet, but God has chosen to use them to challenge, chisel, sand-paper, test your patience & polish you up.

We should remember that the more serious the issue, the higher our love level must be. Paul took the time to totally expound on love in 1 Corinthians 13. He not only tells us what love is, he tells us what love isn’t. Everything you & I do & say must be filtered through that chapter & everything good we might accomplish, even if it’s being burned at the stake, If it’s not done in love, it won't count.

If you need another proof-text to show if you’re dealing in love or if others are dealing with you in love, apply James’ test;

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits without partiality, and without hypocrisy.-James 3:17

If we’re going to have any friends, hold a job long or live in anything closely resembling peace & happiness, we’ll all have to plow around a stump now & then. But some gorgeous & nutritious crops are grown in some awfully stump-filled farm land.

VI. IF YOU HAVE A DISAGREEMENT WITH SOMEONE, AND IT TURNS INTO A POINT OF SEPARATION, MAYBE NOBODY WAS WRONG. MAYBE A SEPARATION IS GOOD EVEN IN GOD’S EYES.

The bible doesn’t say Paul & Barnabas were at odds about everything & on every point for life; they just had a difference of opinion on one point. Obviously God blessed both these ministering teams.

Paul didn’t write poison-pen letters to the churches against Barnabas. Barnabas didn’t send letters saying “Don’t listen to Paul. I know him & he’s a scoundrel.” They just split up “and the church rolled on.”

Some churches like to Baptize by totally dunking the individual & that seems to me to be the bible way. But when you think about it, others want to sprinkle them with water. Some want to baptize folk back ways, front ways or sideways.

There was such as drought in Georgia recently the Baptists were sprinkling, the Methodist’s & Episcopals were spraying from a bottle & the Catholics were offering handiwipes. Maybe I’m wrong but it seems to me whether we squirt-em, spray-em, sprinkle-em or dunk-em, we should find a way to meet in the middle because in the final analysis, we’re all heading for the same heaven.

WHAT IS ‘BIG-BOY’ CHRISTIANITY? IT’S LOOKING FOR THINGS WE CAN AGREE ON & AS MUCH AS IS POSSIBLE, LIVING PEACEFULLY.

In closing let me tell you about the biggest baby in the bible.

We find him in Jonah 4:1-11. Let’s read it;

Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, “God! I knew it-when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That’s why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!

So, God, if you won’t kill them, kill me! I’m better off dead!”

God said, “What do you have to be angry about?”

But Jonah just left. He went out of the city to the east and sat down in a sulk. He put together a makeshift shelter of leafy branches and sat there in the shade to see what would happen to the city.

God arranged for a broad-leafed tree to spring up. It grew over Jonah to cool him off and get him out of his angry sulk. Jonah was pleased and enjoyed the shade. Life was looking up.

But then God sent a worm. By the dawn of the next day, the worm had bored into the shade tree and it withered away. The sun beat down on Jonah’s head and he started to faint. He prayed to die: “I’m better off dead!”

Then God said to Jonah, “What right do you have to get angry about this shade tree?”

Jonah said, “Plenty of right. It’s made me angry enough to die.”

God said, “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planter or watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can’t I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don’t yet know right from wrong, to say nothing of all the innocent animals?”

This big baby named Jonah was mad at God for blessing & forgiving the people he’d preached to. What a contrast to the words of Jesus on the cross; “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.

Jonah---Not a very BIG-BOY!!


Blessings,
John

7 reasons America's homes are falling apart

BY John Stallings


Our Nation has wandered from God’s plan for marriage & families. It’s plain to see the effects that divorce is having on our country. The destruction of the family has propagated itself in many social ills such as violence, crime, teen pregnancies, abortion, pornography & suicide.

America now has the second highest divorce in the world & married couples for the first time are in the minority, accounting for 49.7% of households with children.

God is looking for someone to stand in the gap for crumbling homes.

Let me be candid. I experienced a painful marital breakup which started in 1986 & ended in divorce in 1988. Divorce came after several attempts at counseling over nearly a two year period.

I share this only because I’d feel hypocritical writing this message on the home if I wasn’t candid about my own life. I’d feel even worse if I let the fact of my own divorce muzzle me when I can speak with some authority about it. Hopefully the things I’ve gone through can help shed light on this most important theme.

I’m now finalizing a book under the working title “The stories behind Learning to Lean,” that will go into further chronicling of the way God has brought glory to His name from the brokenness of a life.

Like the Phoenix rising, God can take the ashes of our lives & reconstruct them in such a way as to bring even greater glory to His name.

Divorce to me was different than it would be for a doctor or a dentist, for several reasons. Anyone in the professions or any job for that matter can go on with their lives without interruption, though they experience several divorces.

Not so with a preacher, at least one affiliated with the Assemblies of God, the group I proudly served for decades. If divorce happened to one of their ministers, they could no longer hold credentials.

I have no hard feelings toward them, as I always knew their position on divorce. Though it would have been nice if they could have made an exception in my case, I understood why this wasn’t possible & never asked them to accommodate me & my problems. I continue today to enjoy the friendship of many A/G ministers & have the highest love & regard for the organization though I haven’t been a member for nearly twenty years.

To me divorce meant I would lose my ministerial credentials, my livelihood, reputation, the Church I’d worked in for over thirty years, a lifetime network of friends & connections, as well as practically everything materially I had worked a lifetime for.

I was able to resign from the A/G in good standing, meaning I was permitted to preach in their pulpits when invited. Indeed if I had chosen not to remarry, I could have remained in the organization with nothing negative on my record.

Because of the fact that my children were married before their parent’s break-up & my participation in all their weddings, I realize that I can’t relate to the heartbreak many people undergo in divorce when small children are involved.

That isn’t to say my children weren’t hurt by their parents breakup but thankfully they were all married adults. However, studies in the last several years have shown that divorce negatively impacts the lives of adult children of divorce. Indeed, divorce totally rewrites the history & legacy of a family. It’s almost certain that no one connected with a divorce will live long enough to totally escape its shadow.

What else can I believe but that God allowed my path to cross with my first childhood sweetheart, Juda. After an amicable parting of the ways at sixteen & seventeen, we'd gone our seperate ways & hadn’t seen each others faces or heard each others voices for some 30 years. She & her husband Wayne had been pastoring for years, & after his death in 1985 with an aortal aneurysm, she’d pastored for three years the church they pioneered in Nashville, TN. Their ministry also spawned an excellent traveling musical group called The Song of life band.

Soon this former sweetheart & widowed lady-preacher & I were married. We've been married almost 20 years I thank God every day for a wife anchored in spiritual things, who loves God & His Word with all her heart. She’s an amazing wife & takes good care of me. Juda is adored by her husband, her three wonderful children, eight beautiful grandchildren, ten gorgeous step-grandchildren, her extended family & everyone who has ever met her.

God hates divorce because He knows the pain it causes His children. You won’t hear me extol the beauties of divorce & remarriage in this article or anything else I write but sometimes it happens, & our God doesn’t become so frustrated with anything that befalls His children that He can’t pick up the fragments of our brokenness & prove… He’s still “The healer of broken hearts.”

Juda & I are thankful we are given another chance to be fuel on God's fire, to travel the world in ministry, pastor churches & spend these recent years together in evangelism.

Let hasten to say,--The first reason America’s homes are falling apart is;


1. HARDNESS OF HEART!

Matthew 19:7-8 says…They say unto Him, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?

He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so.

Proverbs 28:13-14…..He that covereth his sin shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Happy is the man that feareth always but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into mischief

When people demand divorce, mostly it’s because of hard hearts. I have sat countless times & heard women say, “I don’t love him anymore, he’s killed it.” I’ve heard men say, --“After the way she’s acted, I can’t trust her anymore,” or-- “But I don’t love my spouse anymore.”

But after marriage, it isn’t a love issue; it’s a commitment issue.

Hebrews 3:13 says ---But exhort one another daily while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

Divorce brings on much turbulence & emotional anguish. People find themselves doing things they wouldn’t normally do. You’ll hear people say “I just don’t know this person anymore”-- about someone in the process of divorce. They are right because most folk go through a metamorphosis during their divorce. They tend to be much more rash & emotional in their decision-making.

Speaking or HARDNESS OF HEART, here are some terrible mistakes people make during divorce. They;

1. ….. put their children in the middle of their divorce. What’s worse is they’ll justify it. Children should be made to understand they’re not the reason for the divorce.


2. ….. cut their spouse down in front of their children. They’ll even try to stop the children from seeing the ex-spouse.

3. …. use children as a negotiating ploy.

4. ….. spend $1,000 to fight over a $100.00 piece of furniture.

5. …… get greedy & because they’re hurt feel they’re entitled to more of the marital assets than would be right.

6. …… use their children as their therapist when kids aren’t equipped to handle the emotional stress placed on them.

7. ……. make it a life-time mission to turn everyone they can against their ex-spouse.

8. ……. allow their children to play one parent against the other one.

9. ……… use their children as a means to get messages to their ex-spouse. Some divorced people will try to instill hate in the hearts of their children making it clear, often subtly that any real relationship they have with the other parent will be unforgivable.

10. ……Instead of fixing what they can & letting the rest go, some people will rehash their divorce for 20 or more years many times seeking to reinvent it or spin it to try to make past foolish decisions easier to live with.

The next reason homes are falling apart is;

2. BAD CONFLICT RESOLUTION

A couple had experienced a lot of conflict in their home over the course of 40 years. Suddenly the wife died & as she approached the gates of heaven St. Peter greeted her. She was overwhelmed at the beauty of things but then Peter said, “There’s one small matter left before you enter heaven.” “What’s that?” she asked. Peter said, “You’ll have to spell a word for me.” “What word?” “Oh, it can be any word you chose.” “OK,” she said” “I’ll spell love. “L-O-V-E.” Peter congratulated her & asked her to watch the gates for him while he took care of another matter.

Peter instructed her to ask the same question of anyone who happened to come to the gate while he was gone. “I’d be honored,” she said.

As soon as Peter left the women looked up & saw a man approaching & as he got closer she realized it was her husband. “What happened?” she asked. “Why are you here so soon?” He looked at her and said, “I was so upset by losing you that I got into a car accident and now -Wow, I’m here!”

She said, “Well, not quite yet. You have to spell a word to get in.” “What word?” he asked. She responded, “Czechoslovakia.”

Conflict can kill a marriage. Jesus said in Mark 3:25, --A family splintered by feuding will fall apart.

James 4:11-2 tells us the reason for conflict—what is causing quarrels & fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires within you? You want what you don’t have so you scheme & kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have but you can’t get it so you fight & wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.

The cause of conflict is competing desires. I want what I want. You want what you want. We have competing needs & interests.

It seems like marriage goes through three stages; “the happy honeymoon,” “the parties over” “& let’s make a deal.”

Here are five ways people react to conflict;

1. MY WAY—you just keep going till you win.
2. NO WAY—you avoid confrontation at all costs.
3. YOUR WAY—you always say “I give in,” & roll over & play dead.
4. HALF WAY-we’ll meet in the middle, ---but where is the middle, really?
5. GOD”S WAY—we care about each other so we work out mutual goals together.

The next reason is;

3. UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS.

A big misconception about marriage is that we’ll find a person to meet every need of our lives. This thinking isn’t only mythical it’s tragic. The truth is; a successful marriage isn’t made by bringing two halves together to make a “Whole.” Marriage will only work when two whole people come together to form a team.

Here are some helpful rules for resolving conflict.

1. Never compare. “Why can’t you be more like…..? This is unfair. God made us all unique & this kind of question puts people on the defensive.
2. Never condemn. Don’t say….”You always…” Generalization escalates the conflict. What are we accusing a person of when we say…”you always?”
3. Never command. “I demand that you do what I say.” Are you a parent or a spouse?
4. Never challenge by threats. “Just try that & see what happens.” Since childhood when someone drew a line & told us not to cross it, we did, didn’t we? To threaten with sex, money or divorce is a mark of immaturity.
5. Never condescend. Don’t belittle your spouse. When we deign to know what our partner’s thoughts or motives are, that’s playing God.
6. Never contradict. Don’t cut each other off. Treat each other with consideration.
7. Never confuse the issue. I’ll bet some of you are good at that. When you see you’re losing you try to drag a Red-Herring across the path.

Proverbs 11:29 says----Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind.

Another reason America’s homes are breaking up is;

4. UNFAITHFULNESS.

The Bible condemns all sexual immorality, but let’s talk for a moment about a phenomenon called, “Intellectual adultery,” or “emotional adultery.” This will explain why most marriages break up.

High school chemistry taught us when certain substances come into close contact they can form a chemical reaction. People many times can play loosely with volatile ingredients. Many married folk don’t understand that a chemical reaction can occur with someone other than their mates.

I’m referring not only to sexual attraction but to the reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls. When people are together whether it’s at work or anywhere else & began talking about their intimate struggles, they are often sharing in a way that God intended exclusively for the marriage relationship. Emotional adultery is a friendship with the opposite sex that has progressed too far. All adultery starts with talking.

I’ve looked into the eyes of men & women who’ve fallen emotionally for each other & been nauseous to my soul when I saw adultery in their eyes. I’ve seen this in churches when it was so thick you could slice it with a knife, & it all started as a casual, unguarded relationship. Anytime a married person tells a co-worker the things they are struggling with, be it with spouse or children, soon the emotions can ricochet & hearts ignite & become fused with shocking rapidity.

If you find yourself connecting with a person in this way, know you are traveling a road that too often ends in adultery & divorce. Understand the power of your eyes & know that you may have to pull the shades if someone is pausing too long in front of your windows.

Good eye contact is necessary for effective conversation but frankly, if someone thinks I’m insecure or shy because I don’t hold that contact very long, so be it.

If anything remotely like what I’ve described is happening to you, go back to your chemistry class & remember one of the reacting elements must be removed, & remove it quickly,--end of story! Here’s another marriage killer;

5. “IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES??”

This phrase is funny if it weren’t so terribly tragic. I ask you; what are our lives if they’re not two people who are as different as night & day working it out under one roof? We all have so many differences we can never dream of reconciling most of them.

But having said that, there’s one thing I know for sure & that is none of us can know what someone else’s marriage is like. Experience has shown me that some marriages become so violent people have to divorce in order to live.

Be you male or female, if physical attacks are being made on you by your spouse regularly, if you feel it questionable as to whether you can live safely under the same roof with them, if your mate repeatedly tells you they don’t love you, if they are defrauding you sexually on an ongoing basis by refusing to meet your needs as a spouse, if you’re told to get-out & after you leave you’re sent a bouquet of flowers & a card celebrating your departure, then I don’t deny you have some “differences that may be irreconcilable” & you need a miracle.

In this case, in all probability the individual has been deserted & the spouse is no longer physically or emotionally available to them. The advice I’ve given people as a pastor is; though divorce still might not be your final destination, you have to do what you must to survive emotionally, spiritually & physically.

Next, homes are breaking up because of;

6. UNREASONABLE DEMANDS

Check your expectations. If you find your spouse is always disappointing you, you may need to scale down your expectations. Everyone comes into marriage with their own set of unspoken expectations. These are usually things we’ve decided watching our parents or others we admire.

If you hang your unspoken expectations around your spouse’s neck & you never voiced them before marriage, you shouldn’t get bent-out-of-shape if they’re not met. Stop assuming & start communicating.

If you watch TV a lot you’ll know that most of us don’t measure up. I haven’t seen a 500 lb. person with two teeth selling cars yet, have you? Let’s get real; most of us can “pinch an inch.”

Lady, if you’re a Christian married to an unbeliever, please read & study 1 Peter 3:1-6. Husbands, we need to read from verse 7 to the end of that chapter.

Lastly, homes are falling victim to;

7. UNFORGIVING ATTITUDES.

Part of the magic of a marriage is enjoyment of each other’s company & nothing will ruin that quicker than resentment & bitterness.

Fights are going to happen, unless one of you is in a coma, but you can chose to handle the conflicts the right way & it will make your union stronger.

In Ephesians 4:32-32 Paul exhorts, “Let all bitterness & wrath & anger & clamor & slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Marriage is a covenant that is made to last until death. That may be hard to believe in our culture when divorce is so commonplace but The Word of God is very serious about the vows between man & wife. [Matt. 19:3-9.]

If you’ve been using the word divorce stop it because that threat only plants seeds of fear & mistrust in your marriage. If you’re on the fence & are leaning toward throwing in the towel on your marriage, you’d be wise to burn the midnight oil & search out every conceivable option before you cavalierly go down the road of divorce. Your marriage is worth waiting for & fighting for & God changes people when someone is praying.

Instead, tell your spouse that you’ll never leave. I’ve told Juda over & over that if she leaves I’m going with her. You may need to make some changes & you may even need counseling. Let your mate know you’re willing to work things out because you made a promise to them & God.

In closing let me say a few words of hope for those who, like me have experienced divorce. We already know that God hates divorce but that’s cold comfort for those who’ve already had their world traumatized by it.

If we look in Mark 10:2-12 we can read what Jesus says about divorce & believe me, what He says there is as tough as it gets. Jesus doesn’t mince words here & there’s no way around the reality of what He says about divorce, ---He’s against it!!

But I don’t think it a coincidence that verse 13 , the very next verse in that chapter tells the story of Christ being very much against something else; He’s wholeheartedly against His disciples trying to push away the little children He so eagerly wants to receive. Verse 16 says----And He took them up in His arms, put His hands upon them and blessed them.

I don’t believe these two stories are put side by side by coincidence. Here’s what I see; --Divorce, as bad as it is, places us in a position like these children were in. They had nothing to bring to the table but themselves. And when we feel like failures because our lives haven’t matched the hopes God had for us, we are still welcome, not just to sit at the edges, but to sit on Jesus’ lap & be comforted by Him.

If you’ve already experienced a divorce all you can do at this point is ask God to forgive you for the part you played, if any & move on. Perhaps, as bad as divorce is, and though in ten thousand years we would never have wanted it for ourselves, maybe it can be a thing to set us free to experience anew the extravagant mercy of Christ.

But let us all keep working hard in our marriages to put our spouse’s needs before our own. When we do this, things can’t help but greatly improve. Do it for the sake of your spouse, for the sake of your children, & for the sake of your marriage.

Also do it for the sake of America that will crumble soon if the tide of divorce isn’t stemmed.

BLESSINGS,
John