By: John Stallings
It’s probably happened to all of us at some time or
another.
Someone offended us by what they said or did. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, an offense is “something which outrages the senses.”
Those who are offended are sometimes described as “hurt, wounded, upset, insulted, disappointed, irritated, or angry”.
It’s unfortunate that offenses ever occur, but the Bible indicates that if we keep our focus upon God and His Word, He will maintain such peace in our heart that we can become resistant to offenses. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psa. 119:165 KJV).
Obviously, offensive things will still come our way, but we need not be offended by them. The Lord is our reliable source of peace in all the circumstances of this life. “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).
GUARD FROM CAUSING
OFFENSES
We are also charged with a responsibility to guard our own conduct from causing offenses which could harm the faith of other believers.
Jesus gave a somber warning, reminding that we are accountable for the care of our brethren. He said,
“It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! ”It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones” (Luke 17:1-2).
Jesus said “It’s inevitable that offenses shall come.”
When He uses that word “offense,” it’s actually the Greek word “Scandalon,” from which we get “scandal” or “scandalized.”
That word can be interpreted as a trap because originally a scandalon was the bait that was used in a trap. It can be translated as “snare” or “an offense,” or anything that hinders our walk with God. Jesus said that it is inevitable that these types of snares and traps will come.
SUFFERING WRONGS/HURTS/OFFENSES
Let’s look at how Satan uses wrongs/hurts and wounds to erect a wall between us and God. If we falter here, we can’t move ahead spiritually, thus we’re stuck where we are.
A large part of the challenge is centered on bringing about reconciliation between wounded parties. Reconciliation isn’t always possible, but we should always attempt it. IMO you and I should try to be reconciled with those we’ve hurt or who’ve hurt us.
It’s vitally important that we have a conscience that is free of offense before God and man. Sometimes we forget that it’s clogged human relationships that hurt our relationship with God.
I can remember as a kid, playing with water hoses. A hose can easily be knotted or twisted, stopping the water from flowing. To get water flowing again, it isn’t necessary to turn the water on, it’s already on. All that’s needed is to untwist the hose and the water- that was backed up- comes gushing through.
Our “spiritual hoses” can get clogged, much like gunk can clog our natural arteries. To point out the obvious, what you and I need is to get rid of the clutter and debris that’s in our lives.
As we walk with God, these dings get in our way. And usually they are offenses from people who’re closest to us. It would be a little easier to deal with our enemies, we expect that from them.
Listen to the words of David in Psalms 55. He says,
“For it is not an enemy who taunts me, then I could bear it. It is not an adversary who deals insolently with me, and then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together in God’s house as we walked in with the throng or the congregation. It’s you, a friend.”
This is why divorces are so nasty and bitter. It’s because someone we love, someone who’s in our house, someone with whom we shared a bedroom.... that’s the one who has hurt us… and those hurts go deep.
UNFULFILLED PROMISES
Satan uses unfulfilled promises to keep us bound. We’ve all had that experience. You lend somebody some money and they say, “I’ll get it back to you as soon as I have it.” And later on you see they have it because they buy a new car, pretending everything is fine.
In my early, naive years as a pastor a lady in a church I pastored asked to borrow $1,000 to catch up on her house payments. She and her husband were gainfully employed. I was only able to loan the lady half what she asked for. Shortly afterward she left the church. Another of my lady parishioners who knew the story saw the lady in a store and asked why she’d left the church and hadn’t paid the pastor the money he’d loaned her. The ladies answer: “Oh -I don’t owe him that money because we don’t go to his church now.” God helped me to get the money back and I grew up fast.
I heard of a dentist that did a lot of work for Christians. He stopped going to church because he said there were too many choir members singing through teeth that he had fixed and they hadn’t paid him.
Breaking of confidence- You tell someone you think you can trust something of a sensitive nature and then are shocked to learn they’ve spread it everywhere like a child spreads peanut butter.
Rejection, abuse, etc. are all kinds of different means of rejection. One cutting remark made in the summer can last all winter and beyond. Several winters, as a matter of fact. If you think you can say something to someone, [although to you it seems innocuous,] that may bruise a person’s ego and appear to them to be a “put down” and not have it boomerang on you at some later date, please think again. You just may have some major things to learn about human nature.
False accusations: here’s a girl who accuses a boy of something and the boy absolutely denies it. The two families are friends but now there’s a wedge between them. Parents tend to defend their particular child, so the parents say, “Our daughter would never lie.” And the other parents say, “Our son would never do this!” And there you go – false accusations. You’ve got a fight going .
WALLS, BARS
Proverbs, chapter eighteen, verse nineteen says:
“A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.”
A brother offended is more unyielding… you can more easily conquer a castle, a city that’s defended with high walls. But even though it appears impossible -it’s possible. With God all things are possible.
Now if you have a city like that, what’s the purpose of the walls? The walls are to keep people out.
A brother offended is going to build walls. He’s going to lay deep foundations to make sure that the wrong people don’t ever come into his life again, sometimes living in isolation because he doesn’t want anyone to “get to him” again.
And then what does the verse mean when it says “quarrelling is like the bars of a castle.”? Is it easy to take away the bars of a castle? Can you remove them? No. That’s the way it is with people who quarrel. We’re talking about strongholds. We’re talking about walls, and bricks. We’re talking human relationships.
Let’s look at some characteristics of the person who has an offense/hurt … and who will not give it up.
BLINDNESS
We become blind to our own faults- blind to our own offense. In the walls of this castle since they control who comes and goes, an offended person will make sure that the only information and the only people that are allowed through the gate is someone whom he enlists and agrees with him… someone who takes his side. All other information is filtered out. There’s no possible way that anyone else can touch him because the walls are so high and the gates are so thick. And so he can’t see his own faults. When we have an offense we are blinded to our own faults.
I think this is what Jesus meant when in Matthew, chapter seven, you remember He said, “You know, you think you have a speck of sawdust in your own eye, but you don’t realize there’s a beam in it.” And so you have guy and he has the beam. He’s the person you see, who is agenda-driven. He’s the one who’s got this beam, this 2x4 in his eye. He thinks it’s a piece of sawdust, but it’s actually a 2x4. And as he looks at others he is absolutely confidant that they all have 2x4’s. He thinks he only has a piece of sawdust, and they are the ones with the 2x4’s.
What he doesn’t understand is that when he looks at them, what he sees in their eye is a reflection of what is in his own eye. But he can’t see it. He’s blinded by it; he’s blinded by Satan. His hurt runs so deep that he says to himself, “No matter what I do to other people, it can’t possibly be as great as the harm that’s been done to me. Therefore, I have a right to hurt other people, because after all, I’ve been hurt.” He justifies it. He’s blind to what he is doing.
Paul says in Romans 12:9,
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to the good. Love one another with brotherly affection; out-do one another in showing honor; do not be slothful in zeal, but be fervent in Spirit, serving the Lord.”
Verse fourteen says: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep, live in harmony with one another, do not become haughty but associate with the lowly, never be conceited.”
Why is He saying that? It’s because offended people are often very conceited. Their pride gets in the way, and they become blind to it. And then it says,
“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.”
The individual who holds an offense that sticks like Velcro to his soul will always seek
“justice” but too often what they want is vengeance. It’s the desire to see someone destroyed, the desire to absolutely do all that you possibly can to make people pay the utmost farthing.
A person like this believes that if he were to forgive, he would trivialize the offense. So, there is no way he is going to lay down his bitterness. That would mean it’s small in his eyes, and, therefore, he hangs on to it.
And then he spends a lot of time trying to convince God to hate the same people whom he hates. And so he gives all these reasons to God as to why God should be as angry at them as he is. Like the Sons of Thunder in the days of the New Testament, the people of Samaria,
“God, do you want us to call fire down from heaven and consume them?” Jesus said, “You don’t understand what spirit you are of.”
A man left a Christian organization that he felt had wronged him. They had promised him a certain number of things, and they didn’t come through with the promise. And they had some personality conflicts. But he thought that he was right and they were wrong. And so when he was released, he was so angry he stomped the dust from his feet and prayed that God would curse the place and shut it down.
Years later he had to confess that all that God did since he left is to bless the place. It grew; the ministry was used mightily of God and still is used by God today. That’s something like Balaam. You remember He tried to curse Israel, and all that would come out is blessing.
Have you ever noticed that God sometimes blesses people that you and I think He shouldn’t? Has that ever crossed your mind? It’s certainly crossed mine.
What happens now is this person in his vengeance will believe only evil about a person. All good information is filtered out. Because he is standing there at the door of his castle making sure that the only information that is fed to him confirms his own feelings… everything else is censored, and can’t, according to him, apply. The only thing getting through is that which confirms his predisposition.
Hate is a terrible thing. If you hate a political leader, you’ll connect dots and make accusations whether you have evidence or not. All that matters is that you latch onto something that confirms your hatred. Oh, the power of hate. Hate filters out the good and embellishes the bad, regardless of what we hear about those whom we hate.
DESTROYERS
There’s another characteristic of offended folk, and that is they can become destroyers. John 10:10 says this of the enemy, Satan. But if you and I hold onto an offense we’re in league with the devil. We can become destroyers. John 10:10: “The thief comes but for to steal, to kill and to destroy. I’ve come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.” The thief destroys.
As tragic as it may be, there are some people who get their sense of significance from destroying others. Really! I could tell you lots of stories about that. There are people whose whole sense of value, and self-worth, and power is tied up in the ability and the desire to destroy people.
HURTS AND OFFENSES GO INTO OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.
I read that 66% of all divorced people get divorced a second time. The reason is they take as much baggage into their new relationship as they had previously… maybe more. And so they bring all of this into the second relationship believing of course that they are not at fault, and possibly they might not be… but so often unresolved issues spill over. So what happens is the whole world revolves around the offense and the bitterness.
A person who holds onto an offense/hurt succumbs to idolatry. John says in 1 John 5:21. “Little children, keep yourself from idols.”
Please think with me on this for a moment. An individual, who harbors a hurt or an offence, has an idol. What he’s saying is this: “I’m willing to give up on God until this matter is resolved. And unless I can get vengeance,” or whatever he wanted, “unless this matter is somehow addressed to my satisfaction, I can just tell God to ‘Take a hike.’ I can stop going to church, I can stop being with Christians, I can just do whatever I like because my relationship with God is negotiable. “
You see the idols of the heart? Do you see how easily we can be blinded and are willing to give up on God and to put our relationship with Him on hold, until something else is resolved? Is that not idolatry? When we say, “Something else is more important than my relationship with God, and that is the resolution of the evil that has been done against me” …that’s idolatry and should be identified as such.
What do we do about it? We must confront our idols. What is standing between you and
your relationship with God today… something that somebody did or some offense that cleaves to your soul? And you say, “I can’t walk with God, I can’t be with the people of God. Because, look at what has happened to me!” It’s the blinding power of a hurt. And whatever you and I hang onto that is more important than loving the Lord with all our heart, mind, and soul is idolatry. Here’s the “kicker”…we can’t see those idols unless God reveals it to us as we spend time in His presence.
Then we must turn this stumbling block into a stepping stone. You have to believe that God is saying to you, “If you can overcome this in your walk, then you can go on to new heights and new challenges in your relationship with me.”
This takes a great deal of real honesty, humility, and brokenness in the presence of God.
What we need to do is to follow Christ’s example. When He was reviled, reviled not in return, He uttered no threats, but committed himself to Him that judges righteously.
Oh, but you say, “I’ve invested so much in it! I’ve had it for so long! I’ve made sure that these wounds would never heal, and now you are asking me to just give it up?” Yes, I’m asking you to just give it up. Brother/sister -just lay it down.
Many of us say, “If only the people who hurt me would show some remorse, some sorrow, then maybe I would forgive them.” But consider Jesus on the cross. No one seemed sorry, quite the contrary-- they laughed, mocked & jeered at Him. They hurled insults at Him. The people who killed Him were pleased with themselves. Pilate washed his hands of the whole sordid affair. The Jewish leaders hated Him with a fierce irrational hatred. They were happy to see Him suffer & die.
Evil was in the air that day. The forces of darkness had done their work & Jesus would soon be in a tomb. No one said, “I was wrong, this is a mistake.” And yet He said, “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing,” --this is precisely what we must say to the people who hurt us deliberately & repeatedly.
We must say it to those who intentionally attack us.
We must say it to those who casually & thoughtlessly wound us.
We must say it to those closest to us, to our husband or wife, to our children, to our parents, to our friends, to our neighbors, to our brothers & sisters.
The Bible says, “Examine yourself before you eat.,” speaking of the Communion elements we receive at The Lord’s table. Examine what is in your heart that stands in the way of your relationship with God.
Are you willing to tell God… “God, I’m willing to give up my idols, I’m willing to lay them down, to -by your grace, nail them to your cross.
For some -the idol of pride has to be laid down, and you have to receive the forgiveness of Christ for the first time. You have to say, “Jesus I am a sinner. Save me.”
After all, He died for people like you and me.
Blessings,
John
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