Risky Business

By John Stallings


Recently I heard Pastor John MacArthur, pastor of Grace Community Church in Sun Valley California on television relating how he’d sat by the deathbed of a 78 year old man.

The dying man was relating some of his failings in life but rejoicing in the fact that he’d confessed everything and God had forgiven him. He wasn’t worried about death or his standing before God.

Then the man added something that took MacArthur aback. He said in a matter-of-fact tone, “I’m so sorry I was never able to get the victory over pornography.”

Macarthur said, “Well, for you young people here today, especially the young men, I guess this isn’t especially encouraging news.”

RISKY!

I realize that talking about sexual matters is fraught with possible problems. I could offend people. I might embarrass somebody.

The following story illustrates why I would write this post…

During a counseling session a minister asked a young man, "How often do you entertain thoughts about prophecy?"

The young man answered: "About twice a year—once around Christmas, and again some time around Easter.”

The minister then asked, “How many times in a given day do you have sexual thoughts?" You could have heard a marshmallow fall on a carpet. Silence. The young man couldn’t speak.

The obvious point is -the average person, right or wrong, rarely thinks about prophecy, but hears sermons on the subject quite often. However how many times do you hear biblically relevant preaching on human sexuality—something a large majority of people are thinking about and dealing with most all the time? Only occasionally.

Truthfully, for most healthy people, for at least a good portion of our lives, sexual thoughts aren’t that few and far between. Anything that occupies that much of our thought life and drives that much of our personality ought to be addressed, because some of those thoughts are misguided and in need of God's correction.

For a minister never to mention sex would be to desert his post at one of the most active battlefronts in our lives and culture.

Why rush in where angels tiptoe?

You just can't ignore the topic of sex. Marriages are struggling because of misleading information about this subject. Young people are making mistakes because they're getting behavioral cues from all the wrong sources. Singles are wrestling with sexual dilemmas. Sex is a subject begging for a clear Christian word. Here’s a good word for starters;

ABSTAIN

1 Thessalonians 4:3 says;

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality” NKJV

There are not many things from which the Bible tells us to abstain. The word itself is used only 7 times in the New Testament—3 times in the book of Acts referring to temporary restrictions, once in 1 Timothy referring to false doctrine, and once in 1 Peter. The other two times are found in 1 Thessalonians.

It’s interesting to know that the Bible does not use the word “abstain” with reference to alcohol. While there certainly are many good reasons to be cautious about alcohol and good reasons to abstain, the Bible itself does not say, “You shall abstain from alcohol.”

Whenever we see the word “abstain” in the Bible we know two things for certain:

1. It is a command of God

2. It is an absolute prohibition

Therefore, whenever we find a command to abstain in the Bible, we ought to take it seriously. It’s so simple and clear that there need be no debate about it. God commands believers to abstain from sexual immorality. Period. End of story. The command is crystal-clear.

No Difference!

No message is more needed in the church today. Several years ago the Gallup organization released a survey in which they compared the beliefs and lifestyles of evangelical Christians with the public at large The results were quite revealing. In the first place, the survey showed that there’s an enormous interest in spiritual things among the unchurched. Contrary to popular opinion, many Americans think deeply about ultimate issues and genuinely want to find meaningful answers.

Second, the survey revealed a general rise in immoral behavior. In an age when more people are attending church, there is an alarming rise in crime and unethical behavior, even among those who are very religious. One quote stuck with me: “There is little difference in ethical behavior between those who go to church and those who don’t.”

I am reminded of the words of the late evangelist Vance Havner who said - “the church has become so worldly and the world so churchy that it’s hard to tell the difference.”

Facing the Facts

There is a reason for all this. Our society has changed. If you think things have gotten worse, you’re right.

Fact—Hardcore pornography has come out of the closet and on to main street.
Fact—Through the Internet the vilest forms of pornography are now available
to young children.
Fact—Homosexuality is now seen as an acceptable alternative lifestyle.
Fact—Many mainline denominations now have openly gay clergy.
Fact—We routinely see things on television that would have shocked us 25 years ago.
Fact—Nothing much surprises us anymore.

We’ve seen it all … and seen it so often we’ve lost our ability to be shocked. Adultery … premarital sex … group sex … lesbianism … wife swapping … pornography in our local convenience stores … x-rated movies on TV … multiple marriages … quick abortions … incest … child abuse … bestiality … teen pregnancy … gay churches … televangelists who visit prostitutes … herpes … AIDS … radical sex education. And on and on the list goes.

GONE WITH THE WIND

It hasn’t always been this way. There was a day when the entire nation could be shocked by just one word. When the move “Gone With the Wind” was released in 1939, it caused an uproar because Clark Gable uttered the following line: “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a da.n.”

We’ve come a long way, baby. And not necessarily in the right direction either.

What has happened to America? When did we lose our collective sense of modesty? Why did we go morally blind? Somewhere in the last generation morality died, and public opinion eroded.

Two Words We Need to Understand 1-3

There are two words we need to understand very clearly. First, the word abstain means “to hold off from, to distance oneself from, to have nothing to do with.” You are abstaining from something when you separate yourself from it completely. Second, the phrase “sexual immorality” comes from the Greek word porneia, which is a very broad word encompassing every kind of sexual activity outside the circle of God’s will. It covers sins of the mind, body, eyes, ears and lips. It includes premarital sex, extra-marital sex, every form of homosexuality, adultery, and every form of pornography. In fact the English “pornography” comes from the Greek word porneia. Paul is telling us that Christians must abstain from a pornographic lifestyle in the broadest sense of that word.

This means there can be no “moderate immorality” and no “social adultery” and no “victimless pornography.” We are not to dabble in sexual sin in any of its various forms. To the contrary, we’re to have nothing to do with it.

In a world of impurity Christians are to be different. That’s what the word “sanctification” means. A sanctified person is a Christian whose life is “distinctively different” because it’s set apart for God.

PAUL’S DAY

Perhaps you’re wondering if things were different in Paul’s day. The answer is, they were worse, if that’s possible. In the first place Thessalonica was a seaport, which meant that people from all over the Mediterranean world stopped there in transit from one place to another. The sailors and visiting merchants brought with them the usual desires for sexual gratification. More importantly, the Greek religions of that day practiced “sacred prostitution.” That involved hiring a prostitute at a pagan temple as part of your acts of worship. This sounds sick because it is sick!

The famed orator Demosthenes described the moral climate of ancient Greece this way:

“We keep prostitutes for pleasure, we keep mistresses for day to day needs of the body, we keep wives for the begetting of children and for the faithful guarding of the home.”

Given the moral atmosphere of the day, there must have been enormous pressure on those young Christians to lower their standards to conform to the world around them. But Paul will have none of it. He orders them to abstain from every form of sexual immorality.

Two Commands We Must Obey

Verses 4-6 flesh out that command in more detail. He gives them two instructions—one positive and one negative. We must take each one to heart if we are going to be clean in a very dirty world.

# 1: Control your own body 4-5

Each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God (vv. 4-5). Verse 4 literally commands each man to “possess his own vessel/body.” To possess is to control in the sense of mastering the impulse to sin.

A God-empowered man controls his own body. When God is not in control, the body controls the man.

Paul explains his meaning in verse 5 where he mentions the “passionate lust” of the heathen.

Notice carefully the reason he gives. The heathen “do not know God.” That’s the cause of all the pain, misery, sin and debauchery in the world today. Men do not know God and therefore indulge their worst fantasies.

When men turn away from God, anything is possible. No one knows how deep men can go when they do not know God. There is no limit, no end. Because there is no check on their desires, they commit unspeakable sin.

But we know God … and that makes all the difference!

Paul was no prude. Remember that Paul was a single man living in a strange land filled with temptation. He knew all about the depth of sin. He heard the siren song, “Come on, everyone’s doing it.” He felt the desire for closeness, he longed for the thrill of intimacy.

It would have been easy for him to give in, but he didn’t. The price was too high. He was a Christian first. He knew God … and that made all the difference.

# 2: Don’t cheat another person –v.6

“In this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.” The King James Version uses the word “defraud.” Other translations use words like “wrong” or “cheat.” The meaning may be made clear by a few examples:

*Don’t cheat your brother by sleeping with his wife.
*Don’t cheat your wife by dreaming of other women.
*Don’t cheat your boy friend or girl friend by leading them on.
*Don’t cheat your future husband or wife by giving away that which
you can never get back—your purity.
*Don’t cheat your friends by claiming to be one thing in public and something
else in private.
*Don’t cheat your family by sneaking away behind their backs.
*Don’t cheat your loved by doing anything you would be ashamed for them
to know about.

Immorality is like that. It always cheats someone else—usually someone you love very much. Just ask any wife whose husband left. Just ask any parent whose child had an affair. Just any church members who saw their pastor fall into sexual sin.

Perhaps the saddest thing about lust is that it’s never satisfied. Someone has said that lust is “the craving for salt by a man dying of thirst.” It promises everything and delivers nothing. No great release. No lasting satisfaction. Not even any swift punishment.

You always have to go back for more. It’s the law of diminishing returns. Lust forces you to keep coming back.

Three Facts God

Our text closes with three reasons why this command is so important. Each one applies directly to us today.

1. God will punish those who practice immorality. 6

“The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.”

Sometimes He punishes the body, sometimes the mind, sometimes our speech, our eyes, often our health, and almost always our memories. Lust produces that inward deadening that is both unexpected and inevitable.

The most likely judgment is that God will simply leave a person alone to suffer the natural consequences of their sin, but we must remember that in the future what has been done in secret will be shouted from the rooftops.

2. God has called us to purity. V.7

“For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” Christianity is supremely the champion of purity. Our faith is utterly alien to every form of uncleanness. When Jesus comes in, he cleans house.

3. Rejecting purity means rejecting God.v. 8

“Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” To reject means to treat with utter contempt. It is to render the commandment of God null and void.

This is what Nathan meant when he asked David, “Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes?” (2 Samuel 12:9)

By committing adultery and then ordering Uriah murdered to cover it up, he had treated God’s holy commands with utter contempt. He knew it was wrong and yet he did it anyway.

You and I can’t have it both ways. We must either be pure … or stop calling ourselves Christians!

All of us need to hear this message. I need it personally. No one is exempt—not the pastor nor the elders nor the staff members nor the people in the pew. This is God’s Word for all of us.

AVOIDING SEXUAL TRAPS-GUARDRAILS!

Sexuality 101 tells us that if we’re to avoid the many traps of Satan in sexual areas we’re going to have to have some guardrails.

A guardrail is a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous, or off-limit areas.

The guardrail is placed in an area that’s safe to drive to keep us from going into places that are unsafe to drive. A guardrail is always placed a few feet or yards away from the area of danger. Guardrails are designed to cause a little bit of damage in order to keep you from experiencing a lot of damage. We all know that on the other side of guardrails are places that are unsafe for us to go.

In order for you and me to avoid serious wreckage in our lives, we need to establish a system, a standard of personal behavior that becomes a matter of conscience.

We need moral guardrails that will help us with our friendships, our marriages, our academic, professional and just about any arena of life.

As an example, if you’re married, a good “guardrail” would be to establish that you’ll never have lunch with anyone of the opposite sex, nor will you allow yourself to be alone with them except under extremely extenuating circumstances. Think about it, if you established these kinds of guardrails, wouldn’t it be difficult for you to ever be exposed to sexual temptation?

You and I need a system that says- In this area of my life, this is as far as I’m going to go-period! I’m not going to tempt fate. You and I need to make that decision so personal that when we violate it or began to violate our own personal standard, our conscience lights up and says, “Warning, warning, warning! You’re moving towards something dangerous.” A personal standard of behavior that maybe nobody would subscribe to but you, a personal standard of behavior that’s your own, but you’re so committed to it that you actually feel guilty because your conscience lights up.

Shocking words about Sexual intimacy…

The Bible says with crystal clarity that when a guy and a girl, have sex, they are married. Paul, in one of his letters, took the Corinthians to the woodshed for visiting prostitutes. Paul’s explanation of why it’s wrong?

1 Corinthians 6:16-17:

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.”

Let’s think about this; Paul is saying that when a man and a woman have sex, they become a couple – they are married. In God’s eyes, they are married. They are one flesh, just like the very first couple. Sexual intimacy is unifying.

You and I must remember this: Sexual intimacy unites. It doesn’t even take sexual intercourse. Pardon my frankness, but, shedding clothes, stimulating one another, etc. are all forms of sexual intimacy that create permanent bonds. Such bonds can even be formed by fully clothed and simulated sex or explicit talk with another or sexual fantasies.

A lot of people are unconvinced that these last things automatically create the bond, but be careful. You do such things at your own peril because the bond could be formed before you know it. Why play with fire?

Sexual intimacy unites.

If you experiment with sex outside of marriage, you will build unity whether you intend it or want it or not. I’m not trying to guilt people here but one has to know the consequences of their action.

When two people sleep together, the body makes a promise even if the mind doesn’t?

Sexual intimacy yields unity. You have established a solemn unity. You’re married. Maybe you will deny that. Maybe you can find a way to block out God’s commands about adultery and sexual immorality and fornication. It may not even be difficult to block them out because the words you’re now reading sound so heavy handed, like they come from a different era and have no relevance now. But you will have a bond with that person until you die. You can end the affair or you can break up with the boyfriend or girlfriend, but you have established a bond that is not going away. I don’t say that to “slap you upside the head” with the wrath of God. I say it because you need to know what you are getting into. It’s risky!

Once the bond is formed, you have only two choices. First, you can try to ignore the unity that you have just built. That’s a very popular option and why not? Sex brings unity and excitement and wonderful, physical pleasure. Take away the unity and sex is still magnetic.

Sex outside of a marriage – whether it be pre-marital sex or an affair – is exciting. It is dramatic. But it’s risky. You might get a huge kick from the danger of the forbidden. All the excitement and pleasure can make you think that this thing you share with the other person must be right. We might think that sin should immediately made you feel miserable, but it doesn’t always work that way. It could be really thrilling – a drug that makes you want more and more.

But the substance to which you are addicted is excitement and it is excitement built on a gift from God that is missing an essential component. The foundation is flawed. It can’t last. It’s not real. Real sex starts with unity, not excitement, certainly not the excitement of indulging in something out of bounds.

Like macaroni and cheese, married love-isn’t particularly exotic, but very satisfying and profoundly unifying.

Base sexual intimacy on unity – on public vows, promises made to each other and to God and to all your friends and family, promises that the two of you will be one and always and only one, and now you have something to build on. And as for the thrills and excitement, well, don’t worry. That will come often enough. Maybe more than you could ak or think and over a course of many decades

You’ll remember that I said sexual intimacy in all its forms builds unity. If you have engaged in sexual intimacy, then you have built that unity with anther human being. From that point you have only two options. So far, I have only spoken about the first option. By this option, you simply try to ignore the unity and carry on. That might work for a time, but not completely.

But there’s a second option, and this is a great place to conclude.

GRACE ALWAYS RULES THE DAY!

This option is all about grace, about the loving and faithful willingness of God to forgive. Here’s some good news. You might wrestle with your past sexual behavior but it matters little where you have been or what you have done - you can always turn to the Father in heaven who forgives. He is in the business of making all things new. He can undo damage we have done to ourselves and even heal the wounds we may have inflicted on others

It’s all pictured so well in Jesus’ story about a son who disappeared with half his dad’s money. He wasted it all on drunkenness and wild living, forming more than a few permanent bonds with many different women. He came to his senses, and decided to go home. He hoped that his dad would have enough pity on him to hire him to clean the barns. Well it turns out the old man saw him coming and ran down the driveway to meet him. He hugged him and before the son could give words to his apology, the father welcomed the son, called over his shoulder to the guy at the punchbowl to start up the band.

The son was home! The son had a second chance, a fresh start and it was like the years of wandering had never happened.

Grace always rules the day for those who answer the call to come home.



Blessings,



John