Do You Have "A Bone To Pick" With God"?

By John Stallings


How would you react if you learned you had only a short time to live?

Once the initial shock wore off, what feelings would you be left with? Denial? Anger? Helplessness? Maybe even hopelessness? Can you imagine yourself being calm about it?

Throughout my years in ministry I’ve met with many people who were facing the very real fact that they were in their last days of life. And as you can probably imagine, they each faced it in different ways.

In a church I was pastoring several years ago there was a man in the congregation who just learned he had a very rapid-moving blood cancer.He was in his mid--sixties. The story is too complicated to tell here but suffice it to say this man was as angry as angry can be.

I sat several times while he told me how unfair he found this whole turn of events. He and his wife had saved and planned their whole lives for retirement, hoping to travel to many wonderful places and do many wonderful things. But he was diagnosed with this cancer shortly after retirement.

Fighting cancer had become his retirement activity. And as he began to see the cancer gaining the upper hand, he came to realize that he would never be able to take any of those trips or do any of the fun activities that he had so looked forward to.

I officiated at his funeral and I’ve never experienced such a “thick fog” of deep questioning that hung in air throughout the service. I feel sure this man went to heaven but I also feel he had some questions for God when he arrived.

It turns out, lots of folks are angry, and have a bone to pick with God. Why does He allow babies to starve in third world countries, why does He allow bad things to happen, why does He -- either actively or passively -- cause so much grief?

What does it suggest when many people, according to various studies, are angry at the guy at the top?

"We find that anywhere between one third and two thirds of people we've surveyed in the United States admit they sometimes feel angry at God in response to some current thing they are suffering with, such as a cancer diagnosis," psychologist Julie Exline of Case Western Reserve University said in an interview. "It's a very high number."

Although people rarely talk about it, almost everyone experiences anger toward God at some point in their lives, commonly after the diagnosis of a serious illness, the death of a loved one or a trauma.

In fact, nearly two out of three people report that they've felt angry at God, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Many get angry because they believe that God is responsible for the negative events in their lives.

I saw a movie sometime back called “The Apostle.” Robert Duvall played the part of Sonny, a ragged, hot-tempered, womanizing evangelist. Mostly because of his arrogance Sonny loses his church & his wife. His wife is leaving him for his youth pastor. Mercy! Angry & broken Sonny moves back into his mother’s house where he shouts, paces & hollers to God from an upstairs window.

“Somebody, I say somebody has taken my wife. They stole my church….I don’t mean to yell at you but I’m mad at you. I can’t take it. Give me a sign Lord. Blow this pain out of me. Lord, Jehovah, if you won’t give me back my wife, give me peace. Give it to me---give it to me….give it to me. Give me peace. I’m confused. I’m mad at you. I love you Lord but I’m mad at you. I’ve always called you Jesus & you’ve always called me Sonny—what should I do?”

His prayer is so loud that a neighbor calls Sonny’s mother to complain about the noise. “That’s my son” she explains. “Ever since he was a little- bitty boy sometimes he talks to the Lord & sometimes he yells at the Lord. And tonight he happens to be yelling at Him.” Old Sonny had a real bone to pick with God.

A BONE TO PICK

If someone has a bone to pick with you, it means you've done something wrong, at least they think you have, and they’re upset and want to talk to you about it.

In my mind it conjures up a picture of a dog, going through the arduous pains of getting every last speck of meat off a bone, and it looks like it’s going to take some time.

Or maybe it’s two birds who’ve found a bone and they’re “head to head” picking this bone, multi-tasking as they gnaw, talking something out between them.

In any case, ‘I have a bone to pick with you” is rarely a sign of “good things to come.”


HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BONE TO PICK WITH GOD?

Let’s be frank; that sounds a little odd to us doesn’t it? It sounds irreverent & entirely inappropriate. Well, maybe not. There is such a thing as confrontational prayer. This kind of prayer occurs when I bring my questions, doubts, disagreements & even my complaints directly to God. Sometimes its prayer spoken out of tortured complaint, out of suffering or outrageous anger in what I perceive to be the absence of justice.

You may say “I would never talk to God in anything less than soft respectful tones. Who am I to “Haul God to court?” Excellent points.

However, as long as your heart is in the right place and your attitude is one of humility, “picking a bone with God” will revolutionize your prayer life as well as your relationship with God. You see, in prayer God wants us to engage Him. It’s almost as if He’s saying “Talk to me, engage me, respond to me. Anything is better than the silent treatment & the cold shoulder. Argue, rant, rave, stew, disagree, but do something. Or worse, don’t come to me with pious words that are empty & fake.”

Prayer is a personal & passionate conversation with God. It’s an exercise that involves both of you—the real you—not the pretend you, the false you.

There’s a fascinating story in the Old Testament that focuses on God’s conflict with the people of Israel wandering in the wilderness. Moses, who finding himself in the middle of the conflict between God and the Israelites, -has “a bone to pick with God.”

This story describes a lot of weep’n and a wail’n. The Israelites have a bone to pick and are complaining bitterly about their hardship within the hearing of the Lord. They are crying out to God. After all, the wilderness has been no picnic, and the food has been awful! God did send them manna to eat. It came down at night when the dew settled on the camp; and there was plenty of it. But that wasn’t the point. The manna tasted bad. It probably smelled like old shoes; and it got stronger the longer you cooked it. It had to be used very sparingly. It’s no wonder the Israelites complained about losing their appetite, and longed for the meat and fish, the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic of Egypt.

But look at how God deals with this. Listen to God’s answer to Israel’s complaints.

“The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt. Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten, or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loath it—because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt.”

God is a God of love, but He’s a God of tough love. When God’s anger is stirred, God speaks and acts, and God doesn’t worry about being polite or politically correct. God makes judgments, judgments that self-serving religious people dare deconstruct at their own peril. When humans put their own will before the will of God, there are consequences.

Ever shared any of your anger with God? Have you let God in on your doubts and disappointments with Him?

Large segments of the Psalms are complaints. Yeah, complaints, good old fashioned griping, and bellyaching. You can call it “whining with just cause” if you want to. Call it whatever you want to call it but its there and it’s there repeatedly. It is what it is!

“Where are you God? Hello. Why have you abandoned me? If you are the big God you say you are why are you letting all this happen to me? Don’t you care? Aren’t you aware of my situation? Aren’t you going to do anything about it? What’s the use in worshipping you if life is going to be like this?”

JOB

Job is a put your cards on the table type of guy. He doesn’t pull any punches.

While his friends’ mouth off the traditional religious mumbo jumbo, always praise God and let Him off the hook, Job lays his case out against God.

Late in the book God pulls rank on Job and in response to Job’s bellyaching asks, “Where were you when I created the world?” In effect God says, “If you could have done a better job -Job why didn’t you make the stars and the sun and the animals and all the rest of it?”

Yes, God shuts Job up, but Job wasn’t exactly nice and patient. He was honest. He was honest to God and to his friends and to himself.

JEREMIAH

Even more confrontational with God than Job is the prophet Jeremiah. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I read Jeremiah 20 because it’s so radical.

We read in the 20th chapter that Jeremiah tells God this: “O Lord, thou has deceived me, and I was deceived.” In other words-“God, you lied to me.”

Jeremiah walked into God’s office one day and laid his “preacher papers” on God’s desk and said, “I quit.” He was so discouraged he felt he couldn’t go on. As a matter of fact, Jeremiah said, “God, I’ll never speak your name again. From now on you’re ‘what’s His name’ in the sky.”

Of course we know that he soon hit the dirt squalling like a baby and said—“I can’t quit, I just can’t! His word is like fire shut up in my bones.” Jeremiah got his heart right and finally accepted the fact that he wasn’t God-God was God!

If our hearts are right its fine with God for us to be angry with Him providing we do certain things with that anger.

TALK TO GOD WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY WITH HIM

When Jeremiah is angry with God, what does he do? He talks to God about it. He prays. God wants us to talk to him. “Just a little talk with Jesus makes it right.”And Jeremiah's prayer is honest. God wants us to be honest. He doesn't want us to put on a “spiritually correct” performance.

It isn't that God needs us to be honest – he sees through the performance anyway. It's that we need to be honest, so that we can move forward spiritually. The more we lie to ourselves, to God, and to other people, the more impossible it is for us to move on.

One of the most important things to do when you're angry with God is to talk to God about what you're angry about. Tell God honestly where you are.

KEEP WORKING WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY WITH GOD

Another important thing to do when you're angry with God is to keep going at whatever God has given you to do. Jeremiah wanted to stop, but he didn't.

One of the things that will help us not to lose the plot spiritually is to keep going, even when we're angry. Thankfully anger is one of the quickest emotions to pass if we’ll give it a chance.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU THINK GOD HAS PROMISED YOU

Apparently Jeremiah thought God had promised that his ministry would succeed. But he hadn't. He'd told Jeremiah what to do, but didn't give him any guarantees about the outcome.

In fact, God had warned Jeremiah right at the start that he was going to have a really tough time. You can read about it in chapter 1. God hadn't actually deceived Jeremiah, although he felt betrayed and let down.

Be careful what you think God has promised. God doesn't promise us all super-success in ministry, or financial well-being, or a marriage made in heaven, or robust physical health.

The times I've most felt angry with God have been when I've thought God had promised something, and it hasn't turned out, or hasn't gone how I expected.

But later on – maybe years later - when I calm down and look back, I realize that God never promised what I thought he'd promised. Be careful here. Check it out against the Bible.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY TO GOD

It's OK to be angry with God, and it's good to talk to God about how you feel – but be careful what you say. Anger can very easily tip over into something more dangerous.

Getting back to Job; he was obviously someone who had a raw deal from life even though he was later given double for his trouble. Like Jeremiah, Job got around to questioning what God was doing, and to cursing the day he was born.

Job's wife egged him on to curse God.

The Bible says:

'His wife said to him, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!”

He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”


In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. (Job 2:9-10).

Job was angry. Job asked questions. Job yelled at God – but he didn't sin in what he said. He didn't say that God was responsible for evil.

One of our big problems when we get angry is that we quickly lose control of what we say.

The idea here is that God is great in power, utterly in control of all that happens. Yes, he is kind and understanding towards us when we're angry with him – but he's also a God of justice and righteousness, so be careful what you say to him.

So we've said -let's get real with God:

• It's OK to be angry with God
• Talk to God while you're angry
• Keep going even when you're angry
• Be careful how you're angry

The bottom line is; we’re angry. And since no one else seems to be available to be angry at, we get angry at God.

And we feel guilty. We feel we shouldn't get angry at God! We worry that God's feelings will be hurt. Or worse yet, God will return our anger - and we all know how much better at being angry God could be!

Nonsense.

This isn't like the old saying about not teaching a pig to sing, because you won't succeed and it will only irritate the pig. Being angry at God may indeed have a salutary effect on your life. And I don't believe it will irritate God.

Confronting God? Arguing with God? Many of us were taught that when we approach God we fold our hands, and close our eyes, think good thoughts about God & say pretty words to Him. The reality is we’ve too often been told that prayer is “getting stuff from God” when in reality prayer is “getting in touch with God.”

First of all, God already knows that we’re angry - if not, then God isn't God. Being all-knowing, God is quite familiar with your anger, even before you are. Our anger will not come as a surprise to God.

Second, God knows the source of our anger. God knows the events and experiences that make us angry. God knows our emotions and feelings. God knows all about our situation. God might even share our anger!

Third, God knows why we’re angry - the feelings of helplessness, fear, confusion, and dismay that lead to our anger. God intimately knows the inner workings of our minds and spirits, and God knows our limitations. We often are angry because we’re powerless, and God knows our powerlessness.

Fourth, God can take it. Oh yes, our anger is so titanic that God’s knees will buckle before us! Nonsense. God has faced greater anger than ours and survived! God's shoulders are broad and powerful - God can certainly deal with our puny anger. We do not run the risk of harming God with our anger.

So if God already knows about our anger, understands the source of our anger, discerns why we’re angry, and can easily handle our anger, why are we reluctant or guilty about expressing our anger?

In fact, some times it’s good to vent a little. Rather than keeping it all pent up inside us, some times just letting go and yelling our heads off can be a good thing. Too often we let our anger fester inside us, building up and growing until it seeks escape in destructive and violent ways. Let off some of that steam. Tell God what you think. You just might feel better and God won't be any worse off - honest!

Then you can go about the business of seeing with a clearer mind if there might be some way for you to do something about the situation. Clear the air with God about your anger, and then sit down with God and try to figure something out. But it is often necessary to get that anger and fury out of the way first. Having done that, you can more calmly and dispassionately consider the problem about which you are angry and find ways to do something about it.

So be angry at God. God can take it. There won't be any retribution from God. And you might be able to do some clear and constructive thinking about what made you angry.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath…Eph.4:26

Blessings,

John