Big Boy Christianity

By John Stallings


Like many of you, the Spirit of God got a hold of my heart at a very young age. By the time I was six I realized that Jesus loved me & died on the cross to save me. So I gave Him my heart & life & was born into the family of God.

As you might expect, I had no spiritual vocabulary & no spiritual teeth. I didn’t understand all there was to know about Jesus & still don’t. If you’d put a gun on me I couldn’t have told you what repentance or faith was. I had received the spirit of adoption whereby I could cry Abba or Da-da according to Romans 8:15, but that’s about it.I think I was pretty much a normal baby, spiritually & physically.

I remember my first “little mans” haircut & remember crying to get out of the barber chair. My kinfolk never let me forget that I was so scared all I could sobbingly say was “Feet on floor daddy, feet on floor.”Though my parents never said much about it, I can imagine the relief when I slowly began to grow up, though I also have a feeling it took quite a long time. One of the phrases I can remember hearing most from my childhood was “Johnny, be a big-boy.” Come on son, be a big-boy for daddy, or mommy.”

I can also remember that sentiment being impressed on me in non-verbal, somewhat painful ways that centered on the place where I sat down.One of the reasons a baby takes so much care is because in their world, it’s all about them & their needs. They’re always getting hurt, if not really hurt they’re getting their feelings hurt & they’re always making a mess for someone else to clean up. As much as we love our babies, we have to admit that in the home, if there’s a problem, it usually centers around the babies.

Have you ever noticed that the same is true in a church? You can count on spiritual babies to be at the center of just about every church disturbance.Acts chapter 15: 36-41 gives us a rare glimpse behind the scenes into the inner working of perhaps the greatest missionary team the Holy Spirit ever put together.This little glimpse into the lives of Paul & Barnabas shows the humanity yet spiritual maturity of the two men.

Paul needs no introduction anywhere because He’s without doubt one of the icons of Holy Writ. Barnabas however isn’t as well known but it’s good to remember that his name meant “Son of consolation” or “Encourager.” It’s rather special to be named after a gift of the spirit. i.e. Romans 12:8.Barnabas was responsible for over half the books of the New Testament. Paul wrote 13 of them, & Barnabas was the man who brought Paul to the brethren in Jerusalem. Acts 9:26-27. Mark wrote one & no doubt it was Barnabas who loved & encouraged him to continue in the faith. That’s 14, over half of the 27 books.

Have you ever heard the term “kinfolk’s complex?” The word we use today is nepotism. What both terms refer to is a prejudicial, biased leaning toward family. This problem is at the root of what’s happening in this story.On Paul & Barnabas’ first missionary trip together, John Mark the cousin of Barnabas accompanied them. Somewhere along the way John Mark decided to leave the team & return to his home in Jerusalem. We’re not told the reason for his departure however some have theorized the fires of resistance to the gospel were so hot, John Mark allowed fear to cause him to tuck-tail & run.When a second campaign was planned Barnabas suggests taking John Mark along as helper. Paul promptly nixed the idea. The scripture tells us that “sharp contention” developed between Barnabas & Paul over John Mark. Barnabas says he goes, Paul says he doesn’t go. They couldn’t agree so they split up.

As far as I’m able to discern, the two remarkable men never saw each other again.It’s impossible to read this drama & not be moved. The encouraging thing is the break-up didn’t come over doctrine. The rupture involved a personal dispute based on a judgment call. To their credit Paul nor Barnabas didn’t allow the conflict to distract them from their respective efforts of spreading the gospel. They were big-boys & exhibited “big-boy” maturity. Too often we can act like babies when we have a disagreement.If you ever raised kids you know the most glorious day was when the kids could sit at a table & feed themselves. We knew then they were becoming big boys & girls. I think God has the same feeling when He sees His kids growing up & not reacting to a speed-bump like it was a mountain.

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN SPIRITUAL MINDS & HEARTS WILL DISAGREE.

The important thing is to stay focused on the work of God. Because of the disagreement, Barnabas chose his cousin John Mark & they formed an evangelistic team. Paul chose Silas & both teams went on the road.Which team was most successful? As far as we know they were both equally successful. Some have said that Paul was just too stubborn in the matter. However we read in Acts 15:40 that the Church commended Paul & Silas, but no such commendation came for Barnabas & John Mark.Paul may have been motivated more by experience, cool logic & rationality, while Barnabas was guided by a kindred familiarity & a warm heart. Most of can relate to Barnabas here because we’ve all needed a second chance .

It’s interesting to note that later on Paul writes to Timothy & says,--Get Mark & bring him with you, for he is profitable to me in the ministry.—2 Tim.4:11. Sounds to me like "uncle barny" got some vindication here.

We're looking here at a case of brass tacks Christian maturity. We are allowed to closely inspect how God’s choice men dealt with disagreements. Let’s look at some of the aspects of the way Paul & Barnabas settled their dispute & see what we might glean & utilize the next time we have a problem with a family member, Christian friend or worker.I think you’ll agree that 95% of our problems will be less than Paul & Barnabas’ situation so let’s see how we can disagree & still be like Jesus. Let’s see what “Big-Boy” Christianity is all about.

1. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION BEFORE YOU DISAGREE.

We’ve looked closely at Paul & Barnabas’ problem & see the simple story; they disagreed over taking John Mark on this missionary trip. It’s all laid out rather simply for us don’t you agree?Proverbs 18:13 says,--he that answereth a matter before he hears it, it is folly & shame to him.

The following ad was placed in a newspaper,

“Wendell Walsh has a sewing machine for sale. It belongs to the lady who loves with him.—Ph. 359-4704 Address 67 Walnut street.”The next day the following ad appeared.—“Wendell Walsh no longer has a sewing machine for sale. I have smashed it. The owner did not love with me; she’s an elderly lady who lived in my upstairs apartment. Please don’t call 359-4704, it’s been disconnected. Please don’t go to 67 Walnut Street, I no longer live there.”What a mess, & all the confusion was caused by the mix-up of two letters, I & O.

So much pain is caused on a daily basis because someone got their facts wrong. You may remember the news story about a young woman in a beauty pageant who was crowned queen & as she walked around with the crown on her head the judges started comparing notes because they knew she wasn’t the one they voted # ONE. It was embarrassing for all concerned when they had to back-peddle & remove the crown from one woman’s head & place it on the real winners head, all because of a mistake in counting.

Paul Harvey told about one of the top national credit reporters who messed up a woman’s credit & it took her ten years to get them to clean up their mistake. After all those years of suffering the credit company finally found [admitted to] their problem & the woman was given millions in compensation, but not before wrecking her good name & her emotions in the process.It’s almost impossible to overstate the importance of having our facts straight before we allow our opinions to jell, especially when it’s something we are telling to others as the truth. There’ll be plenty of time to disagree, but first get the truth.

2. DON’T INFLATE THE IMPORTANCE OF ONE DISAGREEMENT.

Paul & Barnabas didn't over inflate the importance of the disagreement they had. How do I know that? As we’ve already stated, Paul & Barnabas had the love & grace to sit down, spread out a map & say, “You go here & I’ll go there.” Every battle isn’t Armageddon & it’s always wise to choose our battles.If you’re having a disagreement with someone, here are a few pointers that should help;

1. Check your motive. Is your problem a valid point or is it a personality problem.
2. Check your spiritual fruit. Love, joy, peace, etc.Don’t go into a disagreement until you know your love level is higher than the disagreement level.Read & reread 1 Corinthians 13.
3. Have you lifted this up to God in prayer? Prayer will set our hearts & minds right.
4. Have you searched the scriptures on this matter?—Do you know what the bible teaches about it?
5. If you disagree, don’t be disagreeable. Our positions don’t get us into trouble, our dispositions do.

3. ISOLATE THE TRUE ISSUE & STAY ON THE POINT. DON’T BROADEN THE AGENDA.

A couple [I’m sure all married folk have experienced this, I know I have] will be out driving & get into an argument over directions. Maybe the man will turn on the wrong street or make some other mistake the wife feels will put them off course. It’s important to remember it’s just that one corned not all corners for the rest of our lives.And it’s extremely important to remember that our mother-in-law has nothing to do with this corner.A couple can get into a disagreement over the wife spending money on clothes & & then she’ll say to the husband, “Well, you bought a new shotgun & you already had two guns.” Then the man might say, “I don’t like your old momma anyway.” Where did momma come from? Money, money, money, momma. Once it gets to this point old Satan has a heyday.

A person in church might come by the pastor & say, “I think the music was a little loud this morning. And while I’m at it, your tie was a little too flashy last Sunday.” I’ve seen this spirit get loose & go on to say, “And I don’t like your hair, your shoes, clothes, your car, house or kids.”You see what that is? It’s broadening the agenda. I’m sure you know that a church of any size will have an agenda for their annual business meeting. The meeting has to be announced far enough in advance for all the folk to plan for it. Then the pastor & deacons will take all the business of the church & formulate an agenda for the meeting.If it wasn’t done this way, you’d have people getting up during the meeting & bringing up things that would lead the proceedings way a -field. Precious time would be wasted & people would leave all dazed & confused. Centuries of experience has taught that even the best of God’s people can get into strife if meetings like this aren’t conducted in a timely, planned & deliberate way.

Paul said,--Avoid foolish & unlearned questions for they gender strife. 2 Tim 2:23. We don’t see this happening with Paul & Barnabas. As far as we know they stayed on the one issue, worked it out & never moved out of peace.

4. LEARN HOW TO BE HONEST WITHOUT BEING BRUTAL.

In John 4:7-39, when Jesus sat down at the well & talked to the woman, he could have taken the truth & destroyed her with it. She’d had five husbands & was shacked up with one she wasn’t married to. If Jesus had thrown her past in her face, she’d have shriveled up but he didn’t. He could have said, “woman, don’t go telling people you’ve been talking to me,” but He didn’t. He allowed her to act as a messenger to go into her little town & tell the story of this man who’d told her all she’d ever done. Many people came out to see Jesus & became believers because of her testimony.

I heard about a lady who mastered the art of telling the truth without being brutal. Her husband told her one day, “Honey, I wish I could be smart, educated & handsome for you because you deserve that kind of husband.” She answered, “But I don’t want someone smart, educated & handsome, I want you.”

A young man told his dad he felt everybody in the world hated him. The dad said, “That’s silly son, everyone hasn’t met you yet.

If you watch the news at all you know that in our country, you can’t do things that appear brutal. Even if a person is caught mistreating a dog or cat, they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Human nature recoils if we see a human being or animal being treated unfairly. Though I love the animals & believe in treating them with kindness, I have a problem with the fact that we can kill unborn babies with fewer problems than we have when cats & dogs are mistreated. But "don’t be cruel" is always a good motto.We shouldn’t make statements like; “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” or “you’re as strong as an Ox & almost as smart,” or “honey, I wish you’d lose a little weight, when you walk in front of the TV we miss three episodes.” It’s much better to learn to say; “I may be wrong but here’s what I think.”

5. NEVER BREAK YOUR PLOW OVER A STUMP!

This is a very “old school” illustration that comes from the farming culture. My father was raised on a South Georgia farm & he shared many philosophies with me that originated on “dirt poor” farms.My grandfather used to teach his sons that some of the richest soil had stumps growing in it. What the farmer had to do was plow around the stumps instead of hitting them with his relativity fragile plow. This might seem like a no-brainer because anyone can see how unwise it would be to intentionally use a light plow on an entrenched & sturdy stump. The stumps were deeply embedded & rock solid. If a farmer tried to pull one of them up with his plow he’d not only tear- up his plow but He’d break down the horse or mule pulling the plow. So the farmer would simply plow around stumps.

There will be “stumps” growing in every field we’ll ever work in be it the ministry or a secular business. These stumps will be of the human variety. They aren’t of themselves demonic, but Satan sets them in your path trying to get you to do or say something you’ll regret. It might be a kindly old aunt, grandmother, mother-in-law, boss, neighbor or any other person “planted” in your field.I remember in the first church I pastored there was a “stump” in the form of a little old lady who’d been in the church for fifty years. She was against me from the day I arrived in town & she’d sit in the congregation & glare at me when I preached. Looking back she was the best friend I ever had because at least I always knew where she stood & she kept me sharp. I would study and pray an extra hour just with sister……in mind. I knew she was looking for any mistake I might make & she’d trumpet it to the high heavens.I challenge you to look at your life & pin-point the stumps in your “field.” Again, they aren’t necessarily Satanic, they may be some of best folk you’ll ever meet, but God has chosen to use them to challenge, chisel, sand-paper, test your patience & polish you up.We should remember that the more serious the issue, the higher our love level must be.

Paul took the time to totally expound on love in 1 Corinthians 13. He not only tells us what love is, he tells us what love isn’t. Everything you & I do & say must be filtered through that chapter & everything good we might accomplish, even if it’s being burned at the stake, If it’s not done in love, it won't count.If you need another proof-text to show if you’re dealing in love or if others are dealing with you in love, apply James’ test;

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits without partiality, and without hypocrisy.-James 3:17

If we’re going to have any friends, hold a job long or live in anything closely resembling peace & happiness, we’ll all have to plow around a stump now & then. But some gorgeous & nutritious crops are grown in some awfully stump-filled farm land.

6. IF YOU HAVE A DISAGREEMENT WITH SOMEONE, AND IT TURNS INTO A POINT OF SEPARATION, MAYBE NOBODY WAS WRONG. MAYBE A SEPARATION IS GOOD EVEN IN GOD’S EYES.

The bible doesn’t say Paul & Barnabas were at odds about everything & on every point for life; they just had a difference of opinion on one point. Obviously God blessed both these ministering teams.Paul didn’t write poison-pen letters to the churches against Barnabas. Barnabas didn’t send letters saying “Don’t listen to Paul. I know him & he’s a scoundrel.” They just split up “and the church rolled on.”

Some churches like to Baptize by totally dunking the individual & that seems to me to be the bible way. But when you think about it, others want to sprinkle them with water. Some want to baptize folk back ways, front ways or sideways. There was such as drought in Georgia recently the Baptists were sprinkling, the Methodist’s & Episcopals were spraying from a bottle & the Catholics were offering handiwipes. Maybe I’m wrong but it seems to me whether we squirt-em, spray-em, sprinkle-em or dunk-em, we should find a way to meet in the middle because in the final analysis, we’re all heading for the same heaven.

WHAT IS ‘BIG-BOY’ CHRISTIANITY? IT’S LOOKING FOR THINGS WE CAN AGREE ON & AS MUCH AS IS POSSIBLE, LIVING PEACEFULLY.

Let me tell you about the biggest baby in the bible.We find him in Jonah 4:1-11. Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, “God! I knew it-when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That’s why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!So, God, if you won’t kill them, kill me! I’m better off dead!”God said, “What do you have to be angry about?”

But Jonah just left. He went out of the city to the east and sat down in a sulk. He put together a makeshift shelter of leafy branches and sat there in the shade to see what would happen to the city.God arranged for a broad-leafed tree to spring up. It grew over Jonah to cool him off and get him out of his angry sulk. Jonah was pleased and enjoyed the shade. Life was looking up.But then God sent a worm.

By the dawn of the next day, the worm had bored into the shade tree and it withered away. The sun beat down on Jonah’s head and he started to faint. He prayed to die: “I’m better off dead!”Then God said to Jonah, “What right do you have to get angry about this shade tree?”Jonah said, “Plenty of right. It’s made me angry enough to die.”God said, “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planter or watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can’t I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don’t yet know right from wrong, to say nothing of all the innocent animals?”

This big baby named Jonah was mad at God for blessing & forgiving the people he’d preached to.

What a contrast to the words of Jesus on the cross;

“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.


Jonah---Not a very BIG-BOY!!


Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!


BLESSINGS,


John