The Husband God Honors

By John Stallings


When a young man stands in front of the preacher at the time of marriage, it’s not at all certain what kind of husband that young man will eventually be.

As the years pass and the stresses and strains of life come, he might show himself to be selfish, egotistical, a “ne’er-do-well” when it comes to being a provider, a tyrant or “petty dictator,” or one who’ll never have much time or concern for the welfare of his family. As the years go by it’s possible that he may prove to be a physical or verbal abuser, or even an unfaithful philanderer.

But while all this is possible, it’s also possible that he’ll become a fine, devoted Christian husband and father. It’s this last one that we choose to believe.

I have been that young man, barely 21 years old, standing in front of the preacher with my soon to be bride. I’ve also, more times than I could count been the pastor standing there to unite two young people in holy union and see them set sail on the seas of matrimony.

One thing is for sure, the most burning question at that moment in time is; “are you ready?” The boy, just out of his teens has a lot to learn in order to be the kind of husband God wants him to be. Another sure thing is; this young man will have to grow and keep growing if he is to be equal to the task of being a Christian husband and father.

The greatest thing about this day is that this young man will now be trusted with one of the most tremendous privileges in life; to be the head of one of God’s families. Among his responsibilities will be…

TO LOVE HIS WIFE MORE THAN ANY OTHER HUMAN ON EARTH.

In the Ephesian letter, the apostle Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it.” (Eph. 5:25).

Paul adds, “Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies.”

For both husbands and wives its good occasionally to turn back to the thirteenth chapter of I Corinthians and read the list of qualities which love possesses. If that love is what it ought to be, the rest of the problems in the home will be melted by its warmth.

Many times over the years I’ve been on my way to church on Sunday, and noticed a car pulling a trailer with a fishing boat on it. Usually in the car will be three or four men going to spend the day on the water. I can’t help but wonder what their wives were to do that day. Let’s face it; a lot of men love themselves more than they love their wives, at least in the realm of recreation. Many husbands spend unbelievable amounts of time and money fishing, hunting in the woods, golfing and following all the sporting events that come along. The wife is left at home to provide whatever recreation she can. Something’s wrong with this picture.

The Bible makes it clear that not only in recreation but in every other phase of their activities; husbands are to be considerate of their wives- to love them as they love themselves. If wives were to follow their husband’s example, and spent as much time and money outside the home in recreation, the husbands would blow a fuse.

Though many men are willing to work hard and expend great energy at work and with hobbies and leisure, they act like indolent teenagers at home, shirking their responsibility toward their wives and kids.

I believe a family should find common activities in which husband and wife can both be recreated. I realize it’s not always realistic nor for that matter necessary for couples to do everything together, but in the absence of that when a husband loves his wife as he loves himself he will provide for her the same extent and quality, though not necessarily the same kind of recreation that he provides for himself.

HE’S RESPONSIBLE TO PROVIDE FOR HIS FAMILY.
When Paul wrote to Timothy who was to go out and preach to others, he said,

“If a man provide not for his own, and especially for his own household, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (I Tim. 5:8).

It is pretty hard to be worse than an unbeliever, but to be able to
provide and not to provide is a serious charge that God places against whoever is guilty of it.

HE’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HEADSHIP OF THE HOME AND FOR THE DISCIPLINING AND TRAINING OF THE CHILDREN.

In the third place the husband has the responsibility as head of the home for training and disciplining the children. This is not something that he can abandon to the wife, though certainly she’s an important part of that training process. Many mothers Home School their kids and my hat’s off to these great women. I believe that should Jesus tarry His coming, Home Schooled young people will be leaders and considered the intellectual ‘cream of the crop” in the nation.

The head of the family ought, therefore, to be a Christian, because a key part of his responsibility is to train his children in religious matters. He must see that they have secular training of the right kind and he must also see that they have religious training. In fact, it is more important that they get to heaven than it is that they get a good job, so the husband ought to be a Christian- leading in this most important activity. Long before the church, the home was God’s first idea and His plan is for fathers to be the priest of their home.

GOD DEALS WITH MEN IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.

We recently dealt with Peter’s advice to women in 1Peter 3:1-6. In this piece we’re going to deal with one verse; 1 Peter 3:7. Here’s where God shows men the treasure we really have in our wives.

At first glance it might appear that Peter has shortchanged the women as far as the number of verses. The ladies get six verses on being Godly wives, the men only one on being godly husbands.

However it would be a mistake to think Peter lets men off easy. The seventh verse of 1 Peter 3 is a doosy. This verse is very “nutrient dense.” Men, we have a command here to love our wives as Christ loved the Church. With God’s help we’re going to drill down into this verse and when we do, we’ll no doubt be surprised at the treasures we find.

In verse seven, Peter doesn’t, as we might expect give men advice on being sensitive to the needs of their wives. Of course that is part of it and will come later but first Peter is telling us to “get some knowledge about women.” He could have chosen a word that denotes sympathy and compassion but instead the word he uses goes more toward deep understanding and knowledge. Peter says -it’s the husband’s job to study his wife, to get to know her intimately and to live together with her on the basis of that knowledge. In modern colloquium, can’t you just hear some “smarty-pants” saying, “Read a book already?”

Isn’t it interesting that God’s command to husbands isn’t that they be sensitive types but that first they are called to know what makes their wife tick? This may sound good to “information junkies.” But it may make some men say, “Are you kidding me? You mean to obey God I have to understand my wife? I have to know what makes her tick. Are you kidding?” For some husbands this would seem an impossible task.

But then Peter continues, - Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.
What does Peter mean by- “weaker vessel?” It certainly isn’t a spiritual weakness because in the proceeding six verses he describes the woman as a means to God’s redemptive work. Indeed the wives are evangelizing their husbands through their actions. In a previous blog we talked about that at length. Peter might be talking about physical weakness, that generally men are stronger than women, but it’s hard to see how that would fit the overall kind of understanding of wives Peter is calling for.

I believe when Peter talks about weaker here, he’s talking about something different. I see a clue in the word “vessel’ because it actually has a sexual connotation. When you see that along with the words “fellow heirs” in verse 7, it would seem that Peter is talking about the physical union. God has designed into the wife a basic dependency on the husband. In Genesis 2:18 God says-I will make a helper suitable for him—then he tells the woman, “Your desire will be for your husband and he shall rule over you." This speaks to the fundamental union between husbands and wives and the dependency on the husband God has designed into the wife.

If we can see this then we can see what God is telling us about the real key to the understanding of our wives and,—don’t miss this,—our place in their lives. God has given your wife a dependency on you and if you start there –if you as a man will see the key place you have in your wife’s fulfillment, you will be on your way to understanding what makes her tick. It’s the kind of knowledge that if used rightly is of great benefit to our wives and if used wrongly or ignored does tremendous damage.

Without getting too intense here, I don’t think we men fully understand how powerful it really is when God says;-The two will become one flesh.

Men, when we think about it, it’s as plain as the nose on our face. God wants us to understand our wives and a large part of that understanding is to understand- the way we live impacts her. Every word you speak either good or evil, every gesture of kindness or cruelty, every decision to be active or passive in the marriage has profound implications on your bride because God has established her as a part of you.

If we abuse that knowledge, if we bully or ignore, if we “ Lord” that understanding over our wives then we should expect judgment from a holy God, because to abuse such a precious trust is unconscionable and will not be overlooked. As husbands we must cultivate the horizontal relationship with our wife in the interest of the vertical relationship between God and us. It’s very interesting that God says if we don’t do this; it will effect our very prayers.

He tells us that our prayers will be hindered or road- blocked or impeded. Peter is telling us that the shape of our marriage is going to have a lot to do with our relationship to God.

WATCH HOW THE ORDER IS REVERSED

In other parts of scripture such as in Ephesians 4, we first have a relationship with God, the vertical relationship, and then we move out in our horizontal relationships, getting along with each other. Not here! Here, failure to keep the horizontal impacts the vertical. Can you see that God has set our marriages up to reflect His Church and if we don’t love and respect our wives and treat them with utmost respect we are saying something false about Christ? It’s so serious in the eyes of God that it’s something akin to blasphemy.

A Christian marriage rightly understood is a powerful advertisement for the gospel. It reflects the glory of God and opens a window into eternity and brings a bit of heaven down to earth. Husbands, our wives should be the best friends we have in the world. A godly marriage gets better and better and better as the years go by.

“SWEETHEART, GO FOR IT!!”

God wants the husband to be supportive of his wife, so supportive he can open the door and say. “Honey, the world is yours.” If she can sing, write songs, teach, buy and sell, if she can organize, if she can design, if she can administrate, if she can encourage, if she can counsel, if she can program a computer, if she can start a company, if she can think creatively, he says, “Go for it!”

It would help husbands to go back and read Proverbs 31 again. This virtuous lady, this homemaker finds a field and she buys it. From her earnings she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:11 says,-The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. NASB. This biblical husband will have no lack of gain. Obviously God is speaking of the ideal here, assuming both partners in the marriage are biblically upright and Godly in their endeavors and intentions.

Unworthy husbands and unwilling wives can take the union of marriage that could and should be heaven on earth and turn it into a living hell.

RIGHT BRAIN, LEFT BRAIN

In Song of Solomon 4:3, the lover says to his beloved, “Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate.”
If you open a pomegranate you find that it has many sections inside, little ones and big ones. Obviously this is what a woman’s mind is like. Complex, with many sections big and small. Modern science backs up Solomon’s insight. We know that the brain contains two hemispheres—the left and the right. Neuroscientists tell us that women typically have a larger pathway between the two hemispheres so that information flows more freely. To put it simply, most men have a footpath, most women have a superhighway. They are generally more verbal and more in touch with their emotions and better at forming deep relationships.

Men are better with non-verbal tasks. That’s why we have the remote control.

While we’re speaking of Song of Solomon, we may as well talk about the physical side of marriage. Some Christians, especially older ones, seem to feel that the physical body is just ‘in the way” of the godly marriage. It’s an issue many married couples face. Here’s the truth; according to God’s Word, He designed sex to create an intimate bond between husbands and wives. Still multitudes of couples struggle to find fulfillment in this area.

My godly mother would have had a stroke and a mild heart attack if she’d ever heard the words— “marriage can be –hot and holy!” Now for those I haven’t lost, let’s be real; God created sex and it’s O.k. for couples to find pleasure making love.

About all you’ll ever hear in church is, “sex is O.K within the bonds and bounds of marriage.” That’s true!! But there’s more to be said, however it probably won’t be said. The Bible has more to say about sex than people think. Some Christians, who rightly got angry because the Senators didn’t read the Bills they passed a few months back, should go back and brush-up on their Bible. Sex is more than “The forbidden fruit,” “The destroyer of lives,” and “The tool of the devil.” God in His Word encourages married couples to understand the gift He’s given us in martial sexual-love. I’ve reached the limit in my ability to teach further on this subject so I’ll stop right here while we all go back and do some scriptural research.

Moving along, women are amazing. That’s why you can be married for 30 years and still find your wife fascinating and captivating. Her mind works in so many ways and the wise husband recognizes this and encourages her to develop. That’s what the Proverbs 31 wife did. She developed her abilities for the good of her own family.

Some husbands fear their wives will change if they turn them loose. The godly woman spoken of here will change, but for the better. We husbands must encourage our wives to be all they can be for the glory of God. Don’t stifle her growth. Water it, nourish it and bring it to full bloom.

Proverbs 18:22 says---he who finds a wife finds a good thing.

One of the saddest things in marriages is that both parties seem to think their spouse is a mind-reader. We tend to think our spouse knows what we’re thinking and nothing could be further from the truth.

Men will say, “My wife knows I love her, I’ve told her many times.” But have you told her lately? We think we don’t have to tell her over and over again but that’s wrong. You have to tell her over and over again. Then show her- and show her again. I’ve never understood why some men will refuse to give their wives any money to spend on themselves, and then she divorces him and takes everything he’s got.

Men will say, “I work hard for a living to provide a nice home, clothes and food. What more do you want?” Our wives married us, not a paycheck. Many wives who’re well off financially are desperately lonely, waiting for their husbands to notice them, waiting to be appreciated, waiting to be remembered, waiting for their husband to talk to them, waiting and hoping.

A STRONG AND STRANGE WARNING

Peter is now going to close this tutorial on a godly marriage with a powerful warning to husbands. If we haven’t taken him seriously up to now, here’s the motivation for getting deadly serious about our marriage;-“That your prayers be not hindered.”

Men, if you and I don’t treat our wives with honor and respect, God will just ignore our prayers. The word for hindered is a military term for an army digging a trench in a road to stop the enemy’s advance. It describes what Satan will do in our spiritual lives if we don’t take this admonition seriously. If husbands don’t take this seriously and love and respect their wives, Satan will dig a trench and our prayers will never get through. Gentlemen, we can’t ignore our wives and get through to God. Almighty God is going to take the side of the weaker vessel! It isn’t until we’re truly one in our marriage that we’re truly one with God.

We already understand this principle when it comes to fellow Christians. We know we can’t as James said, “Bless God and curse men.” And this is especially true with our marriage partners. If our prayers seem dull and ineffective, maybe it’s time to do a “relational inventory.”

I’ve experienced this in my own prayer life. I’ve sat in my morning prayer time and had my attempts at praying to come back and hit me in the face. Then I heard the Holy Spirit say, “John, before you pray you’ve got some unfinished business with Juda from yesterday. Go take care of it then come back and we’ll talk.”

God is so profoundly concerned that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving relationship with their wives, that He’ll “interrupt” His relationship with them when they’re not doing so.

No Christian husband would ever presume to think that much spiritual good will be accomplished by his life without an effective prayer life. Most of us will quickly acknowledge that. But do we as quickly acknowledge that, according to God’s Word, we aren’t going to have an effective prayer life unless we live with our wives in “understanding, bestowing honor on her?”

To take time with our wife developing and maintaining a good marriage is God’s Will, and pleasing in His sight. In doing this we’re not taking time away from our “real ministry” or other “vitally important pursuits.”

Couples taking time fellowshipping with one another and just being with one another is time well spent. That could very well be the understatement of the century.

 Especially since God is telling us;

… nothing else of any spiritual significance is going to happen in our lives without it.

Blessings,


John