Rejection 101

By John Stallings


Rejection has a way of destroying a person’s life in a way that few other things can.

The sad fact is that the number of people who’re affected by rejection is staggering. If we want all God has created us to be then overcoming rejection and its affects is vital and absolutely essential.

I can tell you that spirits of rejection are among some of the most common areas of attack in our time and almost everyone is affected by it to some degree. We must constantly be on guard in this area because there’s no more brutal weapon in Satan’s arsenal than rejection.

When rejection is kept at a distance, like when we see a sports team lose on a field of play, or someone else getting a rejection slip on their job, or the scenes of hatred and war on television, or a family having their lives ripped apart in the newspaper, or a leader resigning in disgrace with a faithful spouse standing nearby, rejection seems…at a distance.

But rejection isn’t an abstract concept when you watch someone you love being rejected, or when you receive a pink slip of your own, or when you receive a rejection slip from a publisher who didn’t like the book, poem or song you sent for their appraisal. Then rejection is no longer at a distant but very immediate. Rejection is the gut-wrenching fire of immediacy…it’s the ache that never completely goes away… the pain that sits on your shoulder when a sad song is played and changes your taste in music at least temporarily, no matter how long ago it occurred. Rejection is strong stuff.

Being a songwriter since the age of sixteen, I am on speaking terms with rejection. I can’t count the times my songwriting efforts have been ripped apart, by those who were in a position to say yes or no concerning a song I’d just written. Don’t get me started.

Recently a teenage girl committed suicide because the kids at school had placed some sort of lewd material or statements about her on the internet. I’m not minimizing the impact of this sort of thing especially on a teenage girl but obviously she chose a long term answer to fix a short term problem.

Several years ago a Major league baseball pitcher threw one bad pitch and caused his team to lose the league championship. When he pondered over what that loss meant to him and his friends over a month or two the disappointment with himself caused him to end his life.

I’ve known young children who could miss one question on a test or make a lower grade than they usually make on a course of study to cry and be so shaken they literally got physically ill. In my opinion, all the above cases stem from rejection of some sort, real or perceived.

Why does rejection wound us so deeply? Because it attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, who we are and our purpose in life. That’s why one of Satan’s most common tools is rejection. God never wanted us to feel rejected or abandoned. He desires for us to know who we are in Him and how deeply He loves us. If we get this down in our spirit we can experience the fullness of what God has ordained us to be.


THE FRUIT OF REJECTION
Many people who’ve faced rejection as a child grow up with unresolved emotional wounds. These wounds if not cleansed will fester into spiritual wounds such as unforgiveness, envy, blaming God, jealousy, etc. This opens us up to areas of attack and satanic invasion. The goal of the enemy is to put so much “junk in our trunk” that we can’t function in a normal way. Some of the most common symptoms of rejection include;

• Rebellion-in both children and adults.
• Trying to be someone you’re not -to be accepted.
• The tendency to reject others first before they can reject you.
• Always wondering if others accept you.
• Self-pity or the poor me attitude.
• The inability to be corrected, or receive constructive criticism.
• A sense of pride that says-“How dare they reject me!”
• Extremely opinionated with a ferocious need to be right.
• Feelings of worthlessness, insecurity or hopelessness.
• Approval seeking behavior or basing identity on what people think of you.
• Envy, jealousy and even hate can be rooted in rejection.
• Fear of confrontation because your identity is based on people’s opinion of you.

Obstinacy and stubbornness are usually rooted in rejection.


PERCEIVED REJECTION

Perceived rejection is when a person only thinks they’re being rejected and really aren’t. “Why is that person not coming over here and talking to me?” The individual may not be rejecting you but at the time is feeling shy about stepping out and meeting you or anyone else for that matter. It doesn’t matter to the Devil whether we’re really rejected as long as it appears that we are because his evil plan is to make us feel rejected.

A person who feels like God is mad with them usually has rejection issues. It’s very common to meet people who feel God has rejected them.

In 1 Samuel 18:7-11 we read of the incident where the women of Israel are singing-“Saul has killed his thousands but David has killed his ten thousands.”
Saul got so agitated that he threw a javelin at David almost hitting him. Here’s some ugly fruit that all started with rejection. It wasn’t actually the rejection but rather Saul’s reaction to the rejection.

Think of this; we don’t actually know if what the women were saying was true. You would have expected that a man like King Saul who stood head and shoulders above David or anyone else for that matter would have had a larger spirit than he had. This lifts the lid on the monster of rejection, what it’s designed by Satan to do, and its horrendous aftermath.

MISPLACED IDENTITY
When you and I base our identity on somebody or something other then what God’s Word has to say about us, we become vulnerable to the damage of rejection. If a child bases their identity on what teachers, parents or friends think of them, this sets them up for Performance Orientation bondages later in life, because their parents give them conditional love based on their grades or performances. Anytime we look to others or even ourselves for our true identity we’re setting ourselves up to determine what only God is qualified to do. It’s absolutely vital for us to have a close walk with God as we were never meant to live apart from Him or base our identity and worth on the things of this world.

DYNAMICS OF REJECTION

The closer a person is to you the deeper their rejection can hurt you. Authority figures can deeply wound you because you look up to them and admire them. Parents often pass rejection to their children when they say things like “I’ll love you when you get good grades.” Conditional love causes feelings of rejection and can result in an unhealthy drivenness.

Here’s another kicker; whether you love or hate a person doesn’t immune you from rejection. You could literally want to kill somebody but still be affected by their rejection. The question is, are you looking to them for approval? Does their approval of you give your life meaning and purpose? If so, now we’re on dangerously thin ice.

A person’s age also has a lot to do with their vulnerability to rejection. Children are especially vulnerable to the damage of rejection because they’re still developing their identity and learning about who they are. More damage than we realize is done by peers in school. Either you’re too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, you have brown eyes when you should have blue eyes…you name it and kids will pick on it. Insecure children can be very cruel and damage other children through rejection.

It’s possible to receive rejection from a child or even a grandchild. Nobody is immune, providing that they are basing their identity on what the other person thinks of them. You can be 100 years old and be damaged by the rejection of a caretaker.

EXACTLY WHAT DOES GOD TELL US ABOUT WHO WE ARE?
If we’re rooted and grounded in God’s Word we become virtually immune from the ravages and hurtful effects of rejection.

The opposite of rejection is acceptance. The Word of God says we are “accepted in the beloved.”….. One thing is sure, God says He’ll never leave or forsake us so we can be sure we’ll never face rejection coming from Him. I feel better already don’t you? Listen to these verses telling you who you are and what you have In Christ:

• You are a child of God – one of His favorites – John 1:12
• You are seated in heavenly places with Christ – Ephesians 2:6
• You have inherited all things with Him – Ephesians 1:17-18
• You are more than a conqueror in Him – Romans 8:37
• You have the Holy Spirit of God with you – Acts 1:8
• You have the kingdom of God within you – Luke 17:21
• You have the mind of Christ – 1 Corinthians 2:16
• You are partakers of the divine nature – 2 Peter 1:4
• You always triumph in Christ – 2 Corinthians 2:14
• Because of His great love for us we’re adopted into God’s family. Romans 8:17.
*We are blessed with all spiritual blessings in Christ. Ephesians 1:3
*We are the righteousness of Christ through faith, thus being made right before God. Romans 3:22
*We are entitled to a clean conscience before God because of the blood and we can have full assurance when we go before Him. Hebrews 10:22
*Our sins have been removed from us as far as the east is from the west. Psalms 103:12
*God Himself has chosen not to remember our failures. Hebrews 8:12
*We are loved with the same love that the father has for Jesus Himself! John 17:23

We could go on and on here because the Word of God is so rich and powerful in helping us define who we are in Christ.

Listen to this verse; When my father and my mother forsake me. Then the Lord will take me up. Psalms 27:10

WE’RE NOT GOING TO SETTLE REJECTION ISSUES UNTIL WE GET IT DOWN IN OUR SPIRITS THAT WE ARE ACCEPTED, LOVED, AND APPRECIATED BY GOD.
Religion in general tends to paint God as cold, distant and impersonal. This is why bringing our relationship with God into proper perspective is such a vital step in the process of overcoming the strongholds of rejection.

Tearing apart the devil’s power of rejection is as simple as receiving with childlike faith what God’s Word says about our identity in Christ; that we are called to life, purpose and meaning in Him.

Make no mistake, intentional rejection as we’ve already stated is emotional abuse in its most simple form. It wounds a person’s spirit sometimes slightly other times wounds can be deep and very painful. These wounds must be healed and in my opinion this can only be accomplished as we correct our identity and start seeing who we are in Christ, and the person he has designed us to be.

One thing I'd suggest would be that you print out a list of Bible verses which speak of who you are in Christ. These are incredible tools to help renew your mind and defeat rejection.

COMING FULL CIRCLE

There must be awareness that just as we can be victims of rejection, unless we’re vigilant we can do a little rejecting ourselves. You see, it works both ways. We have to have an honest introspection asking ourselves, do we reject people? It goes back to what Jesus said about seeing the speck in our neighbor’s eye when we have a big log in our own eye .Then we have to be completely honest asking ourselves if we enjoy tweaking someone’s nose from time to time. In all probability that will have to stop unless we’re absolutely sure we’re not hiding sadistic zingers in our comments. Also, do we have a forgiving heart for those who’ve hurt us?

God has asked me “How is your heart towards those who’ve rejected you?” Forgiving the person or persons who’ve rejected you is a vital step in Rejection 101. If we want God’s help in this process then unforgiveness isn’t an option.

Maybe, just maybe you’ll have to “forgive God” for “giving me this nose, or this short body.” I’ve struggled with God at times because I felt he was just too hard to please. But I know that little number was laid on me by religion [as opposed to a relationship] and the bondages that come with it.

Even Jesus was rejected. Isaiah 53:3 says that “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hid their faces, he was despised and we esteemed Him not.
Jesus didn’t take on Himself the responsibility of what people thought of Him. He just moved on and lived His life, doing what The Father sent Him to do. Jesus lived His life with an audience of one, His Father and that’s what you and I must do.

Over one hundred years ago there lived a young preacher named G. Campbell Morgan. In 1888 he was one out of 150 men trying to be ordained in the Methodist church. He passed the doctrinal exams but when he faced his trail sermon before 1,000 people he “bit the proverbial dust.” He flopped.

He wired home to his father only one word, “Rejected.” The next day his wise old dad wrote back, “Rejected on earth. Accepted in heaven.” G.Campbell Morgan went on to become one of the greatest preachers of the past century.

Don’t worry about the devil. Don’t worry about what critics say. Worry only about what God says. He said He’d never leave or forsake you.

I love the story about the dog that got onto a baseball field during an important game. The players tried to catch the dog but it just couldn’t be done. People were starting to realize that unless the dog was removed the game couldn’t go on. Then the people in the audience got in on the fun.

The people in the packed northern bleachers started whistling, and the dog started running toward the north part of the field. Then they stopped and the people sitting in the south bleachers started whistling, and the dog started running south. The same thing happened in the western and eastern bleachers. Finally in frustration the dog went out into center field, sat down, and lifted his ears seeming to bask in all the noise.

An announcer came on the speakers telling the people to please be quiet, that-unless the dog heard a dominate voice; he’d never get off the field.

You and I live in a world of ten-thousand voices, some are family, some are job related, there are media voices and some are just people who don’t like us very much.

The victory of our lives will not be in the opinions of others but in our determination to make God’s voice the dominate one in our lives, having a keen listening ear to God who has called us to life, purpose and meaning in Him.


Blessings,


John