How To Stop A Fight

By John Stallings


I heard about a man who was standing in court in front of a judge.

The poor man was cut, had two black eyes, [that’s the limit] a broken nose & various other scrapes & bruises all over his body. The judge asked him if he’d please describe the man who beat him so brutally.

This man who was obviously hurting all over said, “Judge, if it’s alright with you, I’d rather not describe the man. That’s what I was doing when he beat me up.”

Carnal men simply are unable to live in peace. The Bible says…the way of peace have they not known. Romans 3:17.

One of the greatest churches in America is presently being torn apart by strife & infighting. To make things even worse, the family who founded the church is at the forefront of the battle.

I speak of The Crystal Cathedral in Orange County California. My understanding is that the son of the founding pastor Rev. Robert H. Schuller—Rev. Robert A. Schuller, who was on track to take over for his father soon has left the church under fire from other family members who serve in various positions in the church.

Recently I saw the younger Schuller interviewed on The Pat Robinson Show & it was difficult for him to hide his hurt with what has transpired. Of course I’m not privy to what has gone on behind the scenes there. All I know is that this break-up not only makes me feel terrible for them but has disappointed millions of others around the world. One headline I saw was…

It’s clear that the elder Schuller’s carefully orchestrated leadership transition, planned over a decade has stumbled badly.”

Pastor James tells us;

Those conflicts & disputes among you, where do they come from? Do they not come from your cravings that are at war within you? You want something & you don’t get it so you’re prepared to kill for it. You have ambitions that you can’t satisfy so you fight to get your way by force.-James 4:1-3

My first thought is, to stop a fight….

1. AVOID THE FIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE

How much happiness & joy do we derive by debate, bickering & fighting? Not much! Many people insist on having the “last word” in an argument. The real winner is the person who just doesn’t get into the fight.

Authorities inform us that one of the characteristics of this age is the unwillingness on the part of many to admit they could be wrong.

The Bible speaks of such a generation. Could it refer to this age? –This is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness. Proverbs 30:12.Proverbs 14; 12 says—There is a way that seemeth right unto a man but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Proverbs 12:15 tells us—The way of a fool is right in his own eyes but he that hearkens unto counsel is wise.

To save face seems to be the most important thing to many & they’ll defend their view at any cost, even if it’s wrong. To contend with people like this is futile. We need to have a proper perspective of the real values of life & that doesn’t include winning arguments.

No one ever really wins a fight. Have you ever noticed that? What good have two people done if they have a fight & both lose a couple of teeth & have to be taken to the hospital? Only the most primitive type of people could see any sense in that.

One of my favorite Old Testament scriptures is Psalm 133: 1-Behold how good & pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.

The Bible instructs—If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18.

In The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said…Blessed are the peace makers. Matt.5:9. He didn’t say, blessed are the –peacekeepers. It’s fairly easy to keep the peace when you already have it, but making peace is something altogether different.

Neither did Jesus say, -- Blessed are the peace-fakers. Some people will look at a situation coming apart at the seams & say, -Problem? I don’t see a problem.” Denial isn’t what’s called for when war or the danger of war looms around us. Honesty is called for.

You may remember that well before the Second World War, English Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain visited Germany & met Hitler. He came home & said;

“Sure he’s building planes, he’s building bombs, he’s building artillery & everyone is goose-stepping in black shirts but he’s really a nice guy.” History reveals that Chamberlain was a –Peace-faker.

Hitler was a peace-breaker & he was getting ready to try to roll his war machine all around the world & put people under the jack-boot of despotism.

Secondly, to stop a fight we must….

2. RECOGNIZE THE VALUE OF PEACE

We live in a world baptized in greed & dedicated to treachery. Into this world filled with violence, hate & selfishness Jesus sends us to be peacemakers. As bad as things are, this is the only world we have & if we’re going to be true to our Lord, we must be peacemakers.

I heard about a lady who was always stirring up trouble who died & her pastor was conducting her funeral. As the funeral was about to start, the pastor stepped to the lectern & just then there was a great thunder-clap that shook the whole building. The preacher looked up & said, “Well, she arrived.”

DEBATE

I know we live in a country where debate is considered a good thing, & within certain perimeters it is. But if we’re not careful debate can be taken too far. You & I should strive to be as agreeable as possible. What does it mean to be an “agreeable person?” It just means you’re not always taking the opposite of things to try to show you’re the smartest person in the room.

Did you know the Bible puts people who have a debating spirit in a class of undesirables? Romans 1:29 says—being filled with unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, DEBATE, deceit, malignity, whisperers….

Have you ever met a person who always takes the opposite viewpoint of everything you say? I call them –“Black-whiters.” If you say black, they’ll automatically say white.

My dad was a good man & a very good father but he had a habit that really rubbed me the wrong way. If I’d make a statement, he’d say the very opposite. He didn’t mean anything by it, it was just a habit he’d let himself get into. If I said, “This hot weather is killing me,” he’d invariably say, “Well I’d rather it be hot than to be freezing to death.” If I said, “I really love Buicks, he’d blurt out, “But the Pontiacs are a little better car.” On & on it went.

One day we were fishing in a small boat. I made a casual statement, & you guessed it, dad came out with something to counter what I’d just said.

With a voice choked with emotion, I said, “Dad, have you noticed that you always say just the opposite of everything I say, & I while I’m at it, you do mom & Barbara [my sister] the same way. I know you love us but it’s getting very irritating & it makes a person feel like never again saying anything in your presence.” Guess what he said. He said, “I don’t do that!” I said, “See, you just did it again.”

My dad was old-school, meaning, if you were his kid you didn’t get sassy with him. But he was also big on attitude. He knew I loved, respected & had a healthy fear of him so I got by with it. I wish I could tie a pretty bow on it & say he changed that day, but that might be exaggerating just a bit. To be very honest, I wasn’t keyed in to his immediately changing, I was opening my heart to him.

In retrospect, I think I became a man that day in dad’s eyes, though he never mentioned it again. I also know that as the decades went by we had a good relationship & if I may say so, I think he went to his grave very proud of the son he raised.

Some might feel I went too far. But my feeling was that I was being a peacemaker, & I think by the grace of God it turned out that way because my heart & motivations were right.

Most people desire to live in peace & have a strong aversion to an atmosphere of contention. If we sincerely love & want to live in peace & our hearts are right before God, there’s a way to settle our differences without compromising our convictions, all the while avoiding hostile situations that can arise because of trivial issues.

3. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

The first thing to consider when an issue arises is-how important is the issue at hand---really? If one can accurately evaluate that, he will be far ahead of the curve on the way to achieving real peace-a goal the Bible teaches is a tremendous blessing for all involved.

Over the past holiday season, Juda & I enjoyed several family gatherings. One Christmas party especially stands out in my memory.

The subject came up of Tiger Woods. This shouldn’t be too surprising to you. We’ve all been subjected recently to this panoply of human frailty. We all had our opinions about Tiger & how he failed- etc.

During the discussion, a family member said only half-way joking “Well, personally I like the words of the wise philosopher, old Hank Williams; “Mind your own business.” I had to agree. I remember that song from nearly 60 years ago.

Does this mean that I can close my eyes to what Tiger apparently did? A thousand times no! As I see it his wife has Biblical grounds to wash him out of her hair. I don’t hesitate to say were I his wife I’d be outta-there. But again, what business is it of mine? I’m busy keeping my life & attitudes right. God could take Tiger, turn his life around & use him mightily. I pray He does.

4. BE WILLING TO ASSUME HALF THE RESPONSIBILITY IN ANY ISSUE.

Often when two people are arguing, fully believing the other party is wrong; a neutral arbitrator can hear them out & find that both parties are at fault. Yet both parties refuse to accept the fact that they could be at least partially at fault.

I’ve observed over the years that the one who believes they’re right 100% & won’t give an inch will never have peace. Again, matters of spiritual conviction should never be compromised but many of the things we fight about don’t involve spiritual matters.

During the Christmas Holidays I visited with a young lady who was forced to leave her husband, at least for the time being. I said all I felt I could say to comfort her, but in the final analysis, I was very careful not to say too much because I don’t know all the facts. What I will say is that any man or woman who stays in the house with someone who’s out to harm them or perhaps kill them is very foolish.


5. EMOTIONAL CONTROL IS A KEY TO DWELLING TOGETHER IN PEACE.

I’ve seen people go off the beam & completely lose control of their emotions. Those types of outbursts aren’t to be taken lightly. All you need to do is watch 15 minutes of news a week & you’ll know that dealing with disagreements in that way often leads to bloodshed. They may only be kicking & screaming now but Satan hitch-hikes on emotional fits & is very capable of causing a person to pick up a gun & start shooting. Just this week two well known basketball players pulled guns on each other. If it weren’t so tragic it would be sort of funny.

These volatile emotions occur because of real or imagined wrongs & the Bible has many warnings to avoid this. Listen to Ecc.16:22

…..be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

One of the many characteristics of a fool is the inability to control emotions. It’s a downright shame for a person to allow their emotions to cause them to have fussing & cussing fits.

Listen to Proverbs 12:16, A fool’s wrath is presently known but a prudent man covereth shame.


6. DON’T HOLD GRUDGES

The individual who continues to nurse a grudge will never find peace & will be a constant walking powder-keg ready to explode.

Jesus made it plain;- For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matt.6:14-15

We think we can talk about people behind their back & it won’t get back to the person but that’s just not the case.

Have you ever heard the expression—“A little bird told me?” Did you know this comes from the Bible? Listen,

Curse not the king, no not in thy thought: and curse no the rich in thy bedchamber: for a bird of the air shall carry the voice, and that which hath wings shall tell the matter. Eccl.10:20.

The Bible strongly emphasizes the importance of putting hard feelings behind us & not holding a grudge.

7. PRAY FOR THE MIND & SPIRIT OF CHRIST.

The natural mind --the mind we were born with doesn’t exactly revel in the things of God. Paul tells us;

They that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life & peace. Because the carnal mind is at enmity with God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. Romans 8:5-7

To be able to live up to what God expects of us we must not be moving in the flesh but in the Spirit. We may have good intentions & desire to do wonderful things but we may as well face the fact that we can’t do them on our own. Jesus even told His disciples—The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Matt. 26:21

Paul also says—let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus; Who being in the form of God thought it not robbery to be equal with God; But made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.-Phil 2:5-8

Let’s face it. Getting along & having peace with people can be a taxing ordeal. We all have the capacity to be whiny, self-centered, illogical, uncaring nincompoops. Our response can often be to just hunker down, find a few people we can tolerate & leave the rest to fend for themselves. We defend this approach by saying that we’re just not patient & wish we had a bigger heart like others seem to have.

We are capable of placing people on the shelf & saying they’re just too difficult to deal with. But this isn’t an option for the Christian. Jesus gave us a commandment to love one another with no exceptions. He didn’t tell us to love others unless they are irritating, annoying, disagreeable, or unpleasant.

In 2010 you & I need to work on loving one another. But we can’t just “gut it out” & try to do it in our own strength. If we do this we’re sunk before we begin. The love of Christ however gives us hope.

REPAIRERS OF THE BREACH

Listen to Isaiah 58:12…..And thou shall be called, The repairers of the breach, The restored of paths to dwell in.

Jesus said--Peacemakers shall be called the Sons of God.

In other words, God looks at them & says, - “That’s one of my boys/girls.” You & I know that peace is hard to make & even harder to keep. It’s easier to walk away from the problem.

Or we give it the old college try & get rebuffed or even attacked & criticized for our efforts. So we tend to despair & give up before we get started.

We all can do sometime in the area of peacemaking.

You’ve got a phone. Make a call.
You’ve got paper. Write a letter.
You’ve got a computer. Send an email.
You’ve got a kitchen. Make a meal.
You’ve got a wallet. Give some money.
You’ve got two hands. Put them to work for others.
You’ve got two feet. Go visit someone in pain.
You’ve got two ears. Listen for the cries of the wounded.
You’ve got two lips. Preach the gospel of peace.

You’ve probably heard this little poem;

I am only one, but I am one.
I can’t do everything, but I can do something.
What I can do, I ought to do.
And what I ought to do, by the grace of God,
I will do!

He was the greatest peacemaker of all time…and they crucified Him. He was called The prince of peace, yet He hung on a Roman cross. He preached the Gospel of Peace & died in an act of cruel violence.

Because of Adam’s fall, we were in a fight with God. He sent His son to stop the fight.


Peacemaking is expensive. It cost God His only Son!



Blessings,


John