The Master Key To Great Relationships

By John Stallings


The following story will tell us the main cause of divorce in this country. It will tell us the main cause of church splits. The main cause of broken friendships & family dissension is in this story. The main cause of strained relationships indeed, the root cause of many of life’s problems is in this story.


LET’S READ THE STORY

The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field. Matt13:44—The New Living Translation


WE ALL KNOW WHAT A TREASURE IS

A treasure is something that can change your lifestyle. A treasure is something that can take you from- rags- to- riches. A treasure is life changing money. A treasure is something to be coveted & much desired. Men spend their lives searching for treasures. They go to the ends of the earth for treasures. Sadly some people kill & steal in the hopes of gaining a treasure.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT A FIELD IS

A field is a basically untouched uncultured piece of land, a place where briars & scrubby things grow. A field is a place where snakes crawl & small rodents like rats scurry about. Often larger things like wildcats & raccoons take up residence in a field. A field is a place where people dump garbage & even carcasses of animals. A field is a place where poison Ivy might grow along with weeds of every description. A field is a non-descript place with no real utility, no crops growing, just a field.

The man in this story finds such a field  & then he finds a treasure hidden in the field. He covers the treasure back up, keeps mum about it & then goes & sells everything he has to buy this field. When the man comes back he gets a chance to evaluate the field he’s purchased. He’s got more time now & starts to evaluate his new acquisition. As he walks off the property he finds some startling things. There’s no doubt he’s bought the treasure, but;

• He’s also bought some weed-thickets,
• He’s bought some rocks,
• He’s bought some ants & spiders,
• He’s bought some gopher-holes,
• He’s bought some field-mice & rats,
• He’s possibly bought a skunk or two & some snakes,
• Maybe he’s bought a raccoon & a opossum,
• He’s bought some garbage someone dumped on his land,
• He’s bought a few dead trees, & many old stumps,
• He’s bought some poison Ivy.

This man has bought all this stuff because he wanted the treasure buried in this field.

I can imagine the man as he goes into his field to start digging & all at once a big Iguana comes scampering out of his hole. Then he sees poison Ivy growing & as he turns around a large rat runs between his feet & he smells the odor of a skunk. What if this man got so disgusted with all the junk on his field that he forsook his field & the treasure buried there because of his negativity? It might be that close to this piece of land is a beautifully cultivated piece of property. He could go there & things would be much more pleasant for him. But wouldn’t it be silly for him to go to the other field where there is no treasure?

I realize that this story alludes to the kingdom of God & the hidden treasure in Christ. But let’s broaden the scope & application a bit & see another truth that presents itself to us here.


WE SEE THIS SCENERIO PLAYED OUT OFTEN IN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

Far too often in life, people forfeit treasures because the treasure is surrounded by a field that looks too foreboding. We can’t escape the fact that almost 100% of the time great treasures are “guarded” by some sort of unpleasantness.

• This treasure wasn’t in a bank- it was in a field.
• It isn’t in a museum -it’s in a field.
• You may have to smell the odor of a skunk to get this treasure.
• You may have to run from a raccoon.
• You may have to stumble over some garbage.
• You might have to get stung by a few wasps.
• But some folk don’t want to encounter these negatives.


1. A FRIEND IS A TREASURE---BUT ALL FRIENDS HAVE FIELDS

When we first meet a friend we are enraptured with him. He appears nearly faultless. And then all of the sudden we see a few weeds in his life. We see a few negatives, a few warts. Perhaps not stopping to think that we all have weeds in our fields, we turn away from that friend. We were looking for the treasure in the person’s life but maybe a skunk pops up & we break up with that friend. We get mad with our friend & in some cases we won’t speak to our friend after we find out about his field. So we go seeking another friend only to find sooner or later that friend will also have undesirable things in his field. In the process of seeking friends we must keep in mind that we also have our own fields containing rats, nettles & weeds & briars. We shouldn’t be surprised when trying to be the best friend we can be if our lizard jumps up & scurries across our field at the most inopportune time.

2. -A YOUNG MAN FINDS A YOUNG LADY--BUT SHE HAS A FIELD

He falls in love with her because he sees so much to love & appreciate. He never stops to think that this angel he loves is really a human being, a person with a field. After he marries her & gets close to her he starts to see that she has enormous weeds in her field. He sees a mouse or two scampering in her field & maybe a little garbage. Then he decides he doesn’t want the treasure after all. But in all honesty, there’s not a woman in the world who doesn’t have a field. And by the way, the treasure the man saw is still in this girl, but he decides he doesn’t want to keep looking hard to find it. Maybe the lady doesn’t screw the lids back on bottles or containers & you’ve put ketchup on the ceiling more than once because of that. Many thousands each year are ending their marriages simply because of finding out that the person in whom they saw great treasure also has a field. No matter whom they move on to next they’ll find out that person also has a field. But the next person might not have the same treasure as the one they left behind.

The message is- if you have a good woman & find out she has some weeds growing & opossums running in her field, stay committed to her anyway because there’s great treasure there. She’s a good hearted woman who loves you, loves God, loves His word & loves her children. Like us all, she isn’t perfect but don’t throw away that treasure just because she has a field. Sir if you have a woman who’s cooking for you, washing & ironing your clothes & is loving & loyal to you she’s a treasure no matter what kind of field she’s got -so keep looking at that treasure.

3. A YOUNG WOMAN FINDS A YOUNG MAN--HE ALSO HAS A FIELD.

He’s a dreamboat at first but then he gains enough weight to sink a ship. After a while she finds out he has a field, which all men do. She finds out while he’s smart he’s also stubborn. He has a field with weeds growing & garbage here & there. He’s a hardworking, faithful man who loves her with all his heart but he does have a field. He loves God & the things of God so don’t give up the field because there’s great treasure there. A lady told me once that she got furious at her husband for taking a nap on the couch in the afternoon & she divorced him basically for that reason. Years later she told me with tears in her eyes she’d do almost anything to see him once again napping on that couch.

I’m deeply troubled by the fact that in today’s America young people are marrying & divorcing many times just for the sex. Our sex-saturated society tells young people that their marriage bed will be like the sometimes lewd love scenes enacted in the movies they see. To make it even more tragic, many young men who’ve exposed themselves to pornography enter marriage thinking their marriage bed will resemble what they’ve witnessed in pornographic images. Though you may find it hard to believe, many marriages break up because one or both the partners feel the sex isn’t “wild” or “kinky” enough. A father told me once why his young daughter was divorcing her husband & marrying another man. He said, “It ain’t a thing in the world but sex.” As if the sex act was something that could comprise a large segment of a marriage. It’s true that sex within marriage is a beautiful thing & the bed undefiled, but anyone married or single who tries to make sex the center of their lives will sooner or later become jaded by it & learn that God didn’t design sex to dominate our lives but to enhance them. It will take much more than sex to keep us happy & build satisfactory relationships.

4.-CHILDREN & THEIR PARENT’S FIELD

There is obvious treasure in a parent but most kids would laughingly say they have to dig deep to find it. I remember when I was a kid how at times I would get livid with my parents. As I grew older I realized that they did the best they could & were right most of the time. My dad would make me lie down across the bed from time to time & use his belt on me but I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have it coming. Parents may be stubborn from time to time & have a temper but when we look at what they do for their children we can overlook a little field mouse scurrying around occasionally. It would be tough to grow up with no roof over your head & be forced to study by candle light, on an empty stomach. Don’t give all the treasures up because you see a weed or two in their field. Dads don’t get a lot of appreciation in life but every once in a while why not to go to dad & say; "Dad, I sure do appreciate this electricity you keep turned on for us. I can read so much better in the light. And I sure do like that good food you buy & the lunch money you give me every day."

5.-STUDENTS & TEACHERS--ALL HAVE FIELDS

A pupil looks at the teacher & says-- “Boy is she hard-boiled?” As I look back at the teachers I had as a kid, the ones I liked least then are the ones I like most now. The ones that let us get by with just about anything are the ones I respect the least looking back. There’s a treasure in a hard-boiled teacher. A kid might say, “But she gave me some demerits.” No she didn’t, the kid gave himself the demerits, and she just wrote them down. It’s a sad thing how unwilling we are to take a few negatives so that we may have a chance to get the positive

It’s possible that by looking around you might find a field with a little less garbage on it or fewer weeds growing but it’s very likely that the field you find won’t have a treasure either. If we go through life always taking the easy way or the line of least resistance, we can have an easier life but it won’t be a fulfilling life. The human spirit doesn’t thrive on ease & comfort. The human spirit thrives on challenges & accomplishments. If we’re to accomplish something worthwhile we’ll have to dig for it in some sort of field. The situations may be less than ideal because life hides its treasures. Blessed is the young person who learns this lesson early enough for it to do them some good.


6.-EVERY CHURCH HAS A TREASURE AND--IT ALSO HAS A FIELD.

You might start to attend the church & say to yourself what a treasure you & your family have found. The singing is superb & the pastor’s preaching is straight from the portals of Glory. But pretty soon you see some things that you don’t understand & you wonder about it. You see some weeds & you see a rat or two run across the church. Then you start to notice that the church people have a field & then you see that the pastor also has a field. There are problems in the church choir, in the Sunday school & in the Nursery. There are problems in the parking lot if the church is a large one & now you’re beginning to see all the flaws or the churches “field.” You saw the treasure first but it took a little time to see the field. Not only that- if you & I join the church, now there’ll be more treasure but alas, we’ll also bring our fields.

I can tell you, as someone who’s spent over half a century in the ministry, every church in the world has a drawback of some kind & if you aren’t aware of this principle it could be a terribly off-putting to you.

Several years ago we went to one of the most beautiful vacation spots in the world, out of the United States to conduct a revival in a large church. Each night we ministered to overflow crowds. We sold out of CDs on the second night & had to have more made locally. God confirmed His Word in every service & we saw many miracles take place. We stayed in a beautiful Condo, ate local cuisine daily & relaxed on a private beach.

You might say, “Brother John. What’s not to like about that?” Remember the principle; no treasure is ever going to be without its field? There was a couple on the ministry team who were given the assignment of working with us on the platform each night, & somehow they must have felt their job was to keep us humble. And that they did. Without going into detail, I’ll tell you that if a psychologist was to have observed it, I have no doubt he’d have called it professional jealousy.

In times like this you look at the person & think, “what have I ever done to you? You hardly even know me. What food have I ever taken off your plate? What child of yours have I kidnapped & held for ransom? Everything they could do to make us feel unwelcome is what this couple did, but nothing they tried did anything to harm the work God was doing. Sometimes novices in the ministry get the idea that if you go to a foreign country, folk are much more spiritual, but friend, our experience has been that people are the same everywhere.

When our work was done & we boarded the big jet that would bring us home, we looked down at that beautiful land shimmering in the ocean & had a warm feeling that we’d found treasure there & hopefully some of the sweet-spirited people had found some sort of treasure in us. But we still had to acknowledge that, consistent with the principle, that treasure was nestled in a “field.” Please know that absolutely every person you’ll ever know & every church you ever visit & every situation in which you become involved will have a treasure. But there’ll also be a field you’ll have to contend with. You will probably have to look hard for the treasure but the field is never hard to find.

ALL THE GREAT MEN IN THE BIBLE HAD GREAT TREASURE -BUT THEY ALSO HAD THEIR FIELD!

• Moses had great treasure but he was hot-tempered & his field kept him from entering the Promised Land.

* Noah had a great treasure but he had a field.
• Peter had a treasure but he also had a problem with impetuosity.
• David had a treasure but most of us know what his field was.
• Jacob had great treasure but he was a con-artist with a large field.
• Paul had a great treasure but he had a field.
• James & John had treasure but they also had a field.

Every pastor you’ll ever meet will have a field.

Friend, why spend your life going from church to church trying to find a treasure without a field? Why go from spouse to spouse trying to find one without a field? Why go from friend to friend trying to find one without a field?
There is no such thing as a treasure without a field.

If all this be true & it is, if it’s true that we can’t find a treasure without a field, why don’t we go to that person we’ve fallen out with & make things right with them? Go to the person you’ve been criticizing & say you’re sorry. You saw something good in them at some point or you’d never had gotten closer to them in the first place. That good is still there- but be advised; in all probability their field is still there too. Tell them you saw a mouse & got spooked but you still see the treasure that’s within them & care enough about them to want to pursue your friendship.

Why not go to your wife or husband & tell them you’ve been pointing out all their mistakes but they are still the most precious person to you on the face of God’s earth. Look them in the eye & say, “Sorry sweetheart, I’ve been looking at the weeds in the field instead of the treasure that dwells inside you. Look at the person with whom you’ve been disenchanted & say—“Will you forgive me for I’ve been looking at the field instead of the treasure?

7.-THERE’S ONLY ONE GREAT TREASURE WITH NO FIELD!

What a pity it would be to close this piece & not remind you of One who has no field, across whose path a rat never ran. One who never knew what it was like to have a weed in His field. One who each time you dig you’re not disappointed, you find treasure. Over the years in many parts of the world I’ve asked many people if they knew my Savior-the Lord Jesus Christ. I remember asking a lady in the Orient that question once & she told me in no uncertain terms she wasn’t a Christian & would never be because of the Christians she’d come in contact with. I told her “I wasn’t asking her to trust those people but I was asking her to trust Jesus. Can you find anything wrong with Him?” She said “No, & if more of your people were like Him more of our people would become your people.”

We don’t point people to the Pope, or an Archbishop or any other individual. They all have weeds. We don’t point them to a preacher, priest, rabbi, evangelist, we all have weeds. We point them to the Lamb of God who is faultless & without blemish & paid our sin debt on the cross of Calvary & offers us all eternal life.

Let’s go back & find the fellow with the field. He’s felt the sting of the nettles & weeds & he’s smelled a skunk or two. But he kept digging. One day all of the sudden he finds the treasure he’s been looking for. It was worth all of it because finally he’s got his hidden treasure.

In every human relationship there’s a treasure, but there’s also a field. Will we spend our live’s complaining about the field or rejoicing over the treasure.

IT’S UP TO US!

........But we have this treasure in earthen vessels (jars of clay) that the excellency of the power may be in God not us. ----2 Cor.4:7

Blessings,


John