By John Stallings
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you with all malice. Eph.4:31
I read an Internet story that Hillary Clinton went to a primary school in New York City to talk about the world.
One little boy raised his hand & the Senator asked for his name. “Kenneth.” And what is your question Kenneth?
“I have three questions:
1. Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
2. Why would you run for President when your husband shamed the office?
3. Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Just then the bell rang for recess. Hillary Clinton informed the children they could continue after recess. “Okay, where were we? Oh that’s right, question time. Who has a question?” A different little boy put up his hand. Hillary pointed to him & asked him for his name. “Larry.” “And what is your question Larry?”
“I have five questions:
1. Whatever happened to your health care plan?
2. Why would you run for President when your husband shamed the office?
3. Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. What happened to Kenneth?
Many people are asking tough questions these days. No question seems harder to answer than what to do with our hurts & betrayals. Is there a secret bubbling right beneath the surface of your heart? Is there an anger, even bitterness that blocks the flow of authentic joy in your life? Here are a few questions that come to mind;
Can you name a person whom you’d enjoy seeing fail?
Can you name a person whose company you avoid or enjoy least?
Can you name the person whose hurt you most?
Can you truthfully say you hate no one?
The wrong answer to these questions may mean you’re a bitter person.
Our word bitterness is from the Greek word pikria which is only found in four New Testament passages, [Acts 8:23; Rom.3:14; Heb.12:15; Eph 4:31.] Bitterness is defined as----
“Animosity, anger, harshness, a malignant disposition. “A bitter frame of mind.” A figurative term denoting that fretted & irritable state of mind that keeps a man in perpetual animosity—that inclines him to harsh & uncharitable opinions of others—that makes him sour, crabbed, & repulsive in his general demeanor—that brings a scowl over his face & infuses venom into the words of his tongue. A hostile disposition & a poisonous frame of mind that causes people to brood, scowl & become repulsive in demeanor.”
Have you ever seen bitterness go through a church or a family? I have & it’s an ugly, ugly scene. When bitterness passes through a family, church, work place or any group, the devastation makes hurricane Katrina look like a cool breeze on a hot August day. Why is this? Somebody decided to share. He/she is bitter & let the root bear fruit. He/she shared the malignancy & it crawled off of them onto others & they also became bitter.
The Bible warns about this;--Beware lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. Heb.12:15
Bitterness can’t be hidden or contained. It spreads like the plaque. Some people are so bitter they can’t talk about their spouse, friends or relatives, pastor or church without expressing how much they’ve been hurt by them.
The story is told of a very bitter woman who was bitten by a rabid raccoon. Tests were run & the doctor told her she definitely had rabies. She sat down immediately & took out a pen & paper & began to write down names. The doctor asked, “What are you doing, making out your will?” “No” she replied, “I’m making a list of all the people I’m going to bite.”
It’s easy to recognize when someone is bitter. It’s easier, I might add to see it in someone else than ourselves. You can see it in the eyes & in the lines of the face. You can see it in their mouth & you can see it when they’re smiling or laughing. They are bitter & it shows. You can hear it in the tone of their voice. You can hear it when they protest that they aren’t bitter.
Seldom do you find anyone who will admit that they are a bitter person. They will deny it or disguise it. Can’t you hear them say, “Me” Bitter?” A bitter person is super-sensitive, ungrateful, and insincere, holds grudges & has almost unbelievable mood swings. Bitterness blows out the candle of joy & leaves the soul in darkness.
They might seem happy one minute & then almost anything can set them off. They’ll usually try to blame someone else for causing it. Everything with them turns into an emotional nightmare. Some, in the last stages of the soul malignancy will come right out & threaten violence, such as; I came close to kicking”……..or “I’m just sick & tired of”……well of course they’re sick & tired. As long as they continue to bite into bitter fruit they’ll keep getting sick.
In his book-None of these diseases, Dr. I. McMillen lists 51 diseases caused by emotional stress. There is no greater stress than an unforgiving spirit & the bitterness that goes along with it. Listen to Dr. McMillen;
“The moment I start hating a man I become his slave. I can’t enjoy my work any more because he even controls my thoughts. My resentment produces too many stress hormones in my body & I become fatigued after a few hours of work. The work I formerly enjoyed is now drudgery. Even vacations cease to give me pleasure. It may be a luxurious car that I drive along a lake fringed with autumn beauty of maple oak & birch. As far as my experience of pleasure is concerned I might as well be driving a wagon in mud & rain.
The man I hate hounds me wherever I go. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. When the waiter serves me porterhouse steak & French fries, asparagus, crisp salad & strawberry shortcake with ice cream, it might as well be stale bread & water. My teeth chew the food & I swallow it but the man I hate will not permit me to enjoy it….The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom but more cruel then any slave driver he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy my innerspring mattress becomes a rack of torture.”
Here’s the reality;
LIFE IS FULL OF HURTS & WILL BE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!
Jesus Himself said; --it is impossible but that offenses will come….. Luke 17:1.
As long as you live people are going to hurt, offend & disappoint you. But you don’t need to be the “victim” of their offenses. You & I can live above life’s disappointments. A person who has become bitter is generally nursing anger or outrage at being unfairly treated.
HERE’S A BITTERNESS TEST;
1. Does it irritate you when you can’t manipulate people’s opinions?
2. Do you often think you’re right & others are wrong?
3. Do you find yourself giving more criticism than compliments?
4. Are you short & sarcastic with people?
5. Do you ask loaded questions & do you enjoy needling people & watching them squirm?
6. Do many of your conversations turn into arguments?
7. Are you always rehashing & replaying your grievances?
8. Do you have your own “rain-cloud” of hurts, mistreatment & betrayals that follows you around?
9. Do you feel God has let you down?
10. Do tests like this make you defensive?
11. Do you have a sharp memory for details—bitterness has good study habits, review, rehash, review, and rehash. You have thousands of conversations but most you’ve forgotten. But this one took place years ago & you still remember every single detail, his voice intonations & the inflection of every part of his voice. You know exactly what happened which means you’re bitter.
12. Do you yield to the temptation to strike out anonymously? Bitter words are frequently unsigned. Listen to the Psalmist;
Hide me from the secret council of the wicked; from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity. Who whet their tongue like a sword & bend their bows to shoot their arrows even bitter words. Psalm 62:2-4
13. Do imaginary conversations occur in your mind over & over? “I says to him/her I says…..”
14. Moral inversion occurs. Do you find yourself justifying & rationalizing things you’d never approve of in other circumstances? If so, you’re bitter.
15. Do you have a slanderous heart? Whatever comes out of our mouths doesn’t come from our heads it comes from our hearts…….Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Matt. 12:34—Whose mouth is full of cursing & bitterness. Romans 3:14
If your answer was yes to any of these questions you are probably bitter. Bitterness is a spiritual malignancy that can start with a small “ cell-mutation” spurred by an irritation, which can lead to anger, which can lead to resentment, then into full-blown bitterness that will ultimately lead to hate & revenge.
If you like equations; --an irritation or hurt can lead to anger, which leads to resentment, which leads to contempt, which leads to hate, which leads to revenge, which leads to hell in which Jesus said there would be “Gnashing of teeth.”
Being a spiritual malignancy, bitterness breaks down our immune system & will eventually kill us so its progression must be stopped. The world recognizes two ways to deal with bitterness; keep it inside & make yourself sick or let it out & make everybody sick. God’s solution is to dig up the root. Diagnosing bitterness is a start but a far cry from getting free from it.
HERE ARE SOME KEYS TO OVERCOMING BITTERNESS;
1. Stop lying. Start telling the truth!—Now don’t get angry with me, I’m quoting Paul. Listen;
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor. Be angry & sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath.—Ephesians 4:25-26
2. Remember, bitterness & anger disrupts communication.
Think of the person you’re angry with & then ask yourself how long it’s been since you talked to them. If the individual lives in the house with you ask this question; have you talked with them or “at them?”
3. Stop backbiting & start building people up.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying [building up.”] Eph.4:29
4. Don’t be a drama queen [or king.] Don’t blow-up!
We can’t fuss & fume, throw things & slam doors then moan the blues because people don’t respect us. Being in control of our emotions is job one if we want to be thought of as a mature person.
Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, clamour [people yelling at each other] and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, forgive one another….Eph.4:31---The Message.
5. Don’t embrace garbage.
Here’s a simple illustration but I think one that is very practical. All of us have garbage that collects around us in our homes & living spaces. By very virtue of the fact that we’re alive, we have to eat, & waste products or garbage is a by-product of life, part & parcel of the living experience.
We recognize garbage for what it is; the refuse that collects after we have cooked & eaten food. Every human being produces waste, its part of their existence. But we recognize that garbage is for throwing away & isn’t to be embraced or kept around our domiciles. The thing that distinguishes a civilized country from a third or fourth world country is largely what they do with their waste products. If you’ve ever been to one of these countries you’ll know that the way they smell says a lot about where you are, simply because they don’t have the right approach to disposing of their garbage.
If you went to someone’s home & there was an awful odor & you looked around to see that their garbage was piling up all around them, you’d immediately know something was fundamentally wrong in that household. If they have two brain-cells to rub together the first thing they’ll do is get their garbage hauled off.
Likewise, all of us, in the process of our journey on earth will generate a certain amount of “emotional garbage.” You could say, “Stuff happens.” A large part of the success of our lives is our ability to discern what garbage is & isn’t. When you & I are generating a lot of unprocessed emotional stuff in our lives & allowing it to pile up, & we aren’t willing or able to let it go, we are in a sense “embracing garbage”
GOD’S CURE FOR BITTERNESS
Now I’m going to sound like I’m in kindergarten 101. I want to tell you something that will help you cut through years of agonizing & searching for deep profound truths. It isn’t all that deep but neither is it all that easy. God’s remedy for our hurts & betrayals, God’s cure for soul cancer, when it all boils down—is FORGIVENESS!
FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE TO TREAT OTHERS AS GOD HAS TREATED YOU!
But bitterness will always point to exceptions/loopholes.
BUT—“I love hating him.”--Revenge
BUT--- “I’m too upset to think about forgiving right now.”-Anger
BUT--- “I can’t let them get by with this.”--Pride
BUT--- “I’ll just be hurt again.”-Fear
BUT---“I was right—they were wrong.” Arrogance
BUT---“I don’t feel like forgiving & I won’t try to force it.”-Emotion
BUT---“They don’t deserve forgiveness.”—Self-righteousness
BUT----“I can’t even forgive myself.”-Guilt
BUT---“I’m just too hurt right now.”—Suffering Saint—Get off the cross-we could use the wood!
BUT---“What if they aren’t receptive or reject me?”---Worry
HERE’S WHY WE DON’T FORGIVE… “I CAN’T FORGIVE BECAUSE I WON’T.”
Being healed of bitterness is more a choice than anything else. Paul said, --Put away these things---Eph.4:25
Many times we fail to see our own responsibility in these matters. The “bitter end” to bitterness is almost always some kind of open confrontation or show-down that nobody wins. I’ve seen it tried too many times & maybe you have too. People fantasize about an open face-to-face airing of their grievances but it ends in more hurt & more damage. I’m not opposed to confrontations if the time is right & people’s hearts are right.
BUT----BITTERNESS MUST BE DEALT WITH UNILATERALLY
REMEMBER---, bitterness, being a soul depleting malignancy isn’t able to forgive anyone so the bitterness must be dealt with personally before any kind of reconciliation is attempted.
Do you think I’m making too much of bitterness? Well I’ll tell you this. This sin is the reason so many families are in shambles, is also is the major cause of many of the problems in the church, & is the primary reason revival tarries in America. Satan is close to taking us all down the toboggan slide to destruction with something most of us haven’t even recognized yet as evil.
But you say, “I’m not bitter, I’m just easily hurt.” So you see the close relationship that exists between hurts & bitterness. Hurt is bitterness’ ugly cousin. The devil says, “Well when he quits lying or he quits doing this or that or when he says he’s sorry then you will feel better.” But suppose he doesn’t quit? Suppose he never quits? Are you going to be bitter the rest of your life because someone else is in sin? That makes no sense at all.
You may say, “I will forgive him when he says he’s sorry, but not until then. I have a right to my bitterness until then.” Now watch this; let’s hypothetically say this person whose hurt you finally comes & says “I’m sorry.”[In your dreams!] Do you think you can now forgive him? Nope! As we’ve said, bitterness doesn’t forgive because it can’t. In order to forgive this person when they say they’re sorry, you have to be ready when they say they’re sorry.
If you are ready to forgive them before they say they’re sorry then it doesn’t depend on whether they say they’re sorry or not. Again you get rid of bitterness unilaterally, or on your own. What the other person does or doesn’t do doesn’t matter. Bitterness is a sin & stands alone.
In order for me to get rid of bitterness I must see that it’s evil & that it is my sin & mine alone. I don’t get rid of it when the other person quits or dies. I get rid of it by seeing it as a sin against a holy God & receiving forgiveness & I can’t be free of it if I won’t let it go. I can’t shake it off I must cut the root, destroy it & eliminate the residual fruit & seeds lying around.
After the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house. There she bitterly cried that its limbs & trunk had been destroyed by Federal artillery fire. She looked to Lee for a word of condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss.
After a brief silence, Lee said, “Cut it down, my dear madam & forget it.” It’s better to forgive the injustices of the past than to allow them to remain & let bitterness take root & poison the rest of your life.
A major component of ridding ourselves of bitterness through forgiveness is the recognition that Jesus paid it all for our sins & for all the sin done to us. If we allow God to give His grace freely He can & will take the disease away.
Unforgiveness is a hell-bent sin & Jesus said plainly in Matthew 6:15 if we don’t forgive others, we won’t be forgiven. If we will not allow Jesus to take our bitterness, then we take it on ourselves. If we say NO! They must pay! God says, NO! You must pay!
There is no area of our lives where we can be more Christ like than when we forgive. The powerful positive principle of forgiveness will unlock our embittered spirits & set God’s power free in our souls.
Once the chains have been broken & we are free, God forbid that we ever pick up the chains of bitter bondage again.
Blessings,
John
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you with all malice. Eph.4:31
I read an Internet story that Hillary Clinton went to a primary school in New York City to talk about the world.
One little boy raised his hand & the Senator asked for his name. “Kenneth.” And what is your question Kenneth?
“I have three questions:
1. Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
2. Why would you run for President when your husband shamed the office?
3. Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Just then the bell rang for recess. Hillary Clinton informed the children they could continue after recess. “Okay, where were we? Oh that’s right, question time. Who has a question?” A different little boy put up his hand. Hillary pointed to him & asked him for his name. “Larry.” “And what is your question Larry?”
“I have five questions:
1. Whatever happened to your health care plan?
2. Why would you run for President when your husband shamed the office?
3. Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. What happened to Kenneth?
Many people are asking tough questions these days. No question seems harder to answer than what to do with our hurts & betrayals. Is there a secret bubbling right beneath the surface of your heart? Is there an anger, even bitterness that blocks the flow of authentic joy in your life? Here are a few questions that come to mind;
Can you name a person whom you’d enjoy seeing fail?
Can you name a person whose company you avoid or enjoy least?
Can you name the person whose hurt you most?
Can you truthfully say you hate no one?
The wrong answer to these questions may mean you’re a bitter person.
Our word bitterness is from the Greek word pikria which is only found in four New Testament passages, [Acts 8:23; Rom.3:14; Heb.12:15; Eph 4:31.] Bitterness is defined as----
“Animosity, anger, harshness, a malignant disposition. “A bitter frame of mind.” A figurative term denoting that fretted & irritable state of mind that keeps a man in perpetual animosity—that inclines him to harsh & uncharitable opinions of others—that makes him sour, crabbed, & repulsive in his general demeanor—that brings a scowl over his face & infuses venom into the words of his tongue. A hostile disposition & a poisonous frame of mind that causes people to brood, scowl & become repulsive in demeanor.”
Have you ever seen bitterness go through a church or a family? I have & it’s an ugly, ugly scene. When bitterness passes through a family, church, work place or any group, the devastation makes hurricane Katrina look like a cool breeze on a hot August day. Why is this? Somebody decided to share. He/she is bitter & let the root bear fruit. He/she shared the malignancy & it crawled off of them onto others & they also became bitter.
The Bible warns about this;--Beware lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. Heb.12:15
Bitterness can’t be hidden or contained. It spreads like the plaque. Some people are so bitter they can’t talk about their spouse, friends or relatives, pastor or church without expressing how much they’ve been hurt by them.
The story is told of a very bitter woman who was bitten by a rabid raccoon. Tests were run & the doctor told her she definitely had rabies. She sat down immediately & took out a pen & paper & began to write down names. The doctor asked, “What are you doing, making out your will?” “No” she replied, “I’m making a list of all the people I’m going to bite.”
It’s easy to recognize when someone is bitter. It’s easier, I might add to see it in someone else than ourselves. You can see it in the eyes & in the lines of the face. You can see it in their mouth & you can see it when they’re smiling or laughing. They are bitter & it shows. You can hear it in the tone of their voice. You can hear it when they protest that they aren’t bitter.
Seldom do you find anyone who will admit that they are a bitter person. They will deny it or disguise it. Can’t you hear them say, “Me” Bitter?” A bitter person is super-sensitive, ungrateful, and insincere, holds grudges & has almost unbelievable mood swings. Bitterness blows out the candle of joy & leaves the soul in darkness.
They might seem happy one minute & then almost anything can set them off. They’ll usually try to blame someone else for causing it. Everything with them turns into an emotional nightmare. Some, in the last stages of the soul malignancy will come right out & threaten violence, such as; I came close to kicking”……..or “I’m just sick & tired of”……well of course they’re sick & tired. As long as they continue to bite into bitter fruit they’ll keep getting sick.
In his book-None of these diseases, Dr. I. McMillen lists 51 diseases caused by emotional stress. There is no greater stress than an unforgiving spirit & the bitterness that goes along with it. Listen to Dr. McMillen;
“The moment I start hating a man I become his slave. I can’t enjoy my work any more because he even controls my thoughts. My resentment produces too many stress hormones in my body & I become fatigued after a few hours of work. The work I formerly enjoyed is now drudgery. Even vacations cease to give me pleasure. It may be a luxurious car that I drive along a lake fringed with autumn beauty of maple oak & birch. As far as my experience of pleasure is concerned I might as well be driving a wagon in mud & rain.
The man I hate hounds me wherever I go. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. When the waiter serves me porterhouse steak & French fries, asparagus, crisp salad & strawberry shortcake with ice cream, it might as well be stale bread & water. My teeth chew the food & I swallow it but the man I hate will not permit me to enjoy it….The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom but more cruel then any slave driver he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy my innerspring mattress becomes a rack of torture.”
Here’s the reality;
LIFE IS FULL OF HURTS & WILL BE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!
Jesus Himself said; --it is impossible but that offenses will come….. Luke 17:1.
As long as you live people are going to hurt, offend & disappoint you. But you don’t need to be the “victim” of their offenses. You & I can live above life’s disappointments. A person who has become bitter is generally nursing anger or outrage at being unfairly treated.
HERE’S A BITTERNESS TEST;
1. Does it irritate you when you can’t manipulate people’s opinions?
2. Do you often think you’re right & others are wrong?
3. Do you find yourself giving more criticism than compliments?
4. Are you short & sarcastic with people?
5. Do you ask loaded questions & do you enjoy needling people & watching them squirm?
6. Do many of your conversations turn into arguments?
7. Are you always rehashing & replaying your grievances?
8. Do you have your own “rain-cloud” of hurts, mistreatment & betrayals that follows you around?
9. Do you feel God has let you down?
10. Do tests like this make you defensive?
11. Do you have a sharp memory for details—bitterness has good study habits, review, rehash, review, and rehash. You have thousands of conversations but most you’ve forgotten. But this one took place years ago & you still remember every single detail, his voice intonations & the inflection of every part of his voice. You know exactly what happened which means you’re bitter.
12. Do you yield to the temptation to strike out anonymously? Bitter words are frequently unsigned. Listen to the Psalmist;
Hide me from the secret council of the wicked; from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity. Who whet their tongue like a sword & bend their bows to shoot their arrows even bitter words. Psalm 62:2-4
13. Do imaginary conversations occur in your mind over & over? “I says to him/her I says…..”
14. Moral inversion occurs. Do you find yourself justifying & rationalizing things you’d never approve of in other circumstances? If so, you’re bitter.
15. Do you have a slanderous heart? Whatever comes out of our mouths doesn’t come from our heads it comes from our hearts…….Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Matt. 12:34—Whose mouth is full of cursing & bitterness. Romans 3:14
If your answer was yes to any of these questions you are probably bitter. Bitterness is a spiritual malignancy that can start with a small “ cell-mutation” spurred by an irritation, which can lead to anger, which can lead to resentment, then into full-blown bitterness that will ultimately lead to hate & revenge.
If you like equations; --an irritation or hurt can lead to anger, which leads to resentment, which leads to contempt, which leads to hate, which leads to revenge, which leads to hell in which Jesus said there would be “Gnashing of teeth.”
Being a spiritual malignancy, bitterness breaks down our immune system & will eventually kill us so its progression must be stopped. The world recognizes two ways to deal with bitterness; keep it inside & make yourself sick or let it out & make everybody sick. God’s solution is to dig up the root. Diagnosing bitterness is a start but a far cry from getting free from it.
HERE ARE SOME KEYS TO OVERCOMING BITTERNESS;
1. Stop lying. Start telling the truth!—Now don’t get angry with me, I’m quoting Paul. Listen;
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor. Be angry & sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath.—Ephesians 4:25-26
2. Remember, bitterness & anger disrupts communication.
Think of the person you’re angry with & then ask yourself how long it’s been since you talked to them. If the individual lives in the house with you ask this question; have you talked with them or “at them?”
3. Stop backbiting & start building people up.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying [building up.”] Eph.4:29
4. Don’t be a drama queen [or king.] Don’t blow-up!
We can’t fuss & fume, throw things & slam doors then moan the blues because people don’t respect us. Being in control of our emotions is job one if we want to be thought of as a mature person.
Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, clamour [people yelling at each other] and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, forgive one another….Eph.4:31---The Message.
5. Don’t embrace garbage.
Here’s a simple illustration but I think one that is very practical. All of us have garbage that collects around us in our homes & living spaces. By very virtue of the fact that we’re alive, we have to eat, & waste products or garbage is a by-product of life, part & parcel of the living experience.
We recognize garbage for what it is; the refuse that collects after we have cooked & eaten food. Every human being produces waste, its part of their existence. But we recognize that garbage is for throwing away & isn’t to be embraced or kept around our domiciles. The thing that distinguishes a civilized country from a third or fourth world country is largely what they do with their waste products. If you’ve ever been to one of these countries you’ll know that the way they smell says a lot about where you are, simply because they don’t have the right approach to disposing of their garbage.
If you went to someone’s home & there was an awful odor & you looked around to see that their garbage was piling up all around them, you’d immediately know something was fundamentally wrong in that household. If they have two brain-cells to rub together the first thing they’ll do is get their garbage hauled off.
Likewise, all of us, in the process of our journey on earth will generate a certain amount of “emotional garbage.” You could say, “Stuff happens.” A large part of the success of our lives is our ability to discern what garbage is & isn’t. When you & I are generating a lot of unprocessed emotional stuff in our lives & allowing it to pile up, & we aren’t willing or able to let it go, we are in a sense “embracing garbage”
GOD’S CURE FOR BITTERNESS
Now I’m going to sound like I’m in kindergarten 101. I want to tell you something that will help you cut through years of agonizing & searching for deep profound truths. It isn’t all that deep but neither is it all that easy. God’s remedy for our hurts & betrayals, God’s cure for soul cancer, when it all boils down—is FORGIVENESS!
FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE TO TREAT OTHERS AS GOD HAS TREATED YOU!
But bitterness will always point to exceptions/loopholes.
BUT—“I love hating him.”--Revenge
BUT--- “I’m too upset to think about forgiving right now.”-Anger
BUT--- “I can’t let them get by with this.”--Pride
BUT--- “I’ll just be hurt again.”-Fear
BUT---“I was right—they were wrong.” Arrogance
BUT---“I don’t feel like forgiving & I won’t try to force it.”-Emotion
BUT---“They don’t deserve forgiveness.”—Self-righteousness
BUT----“I can’t even forgive myself.”-Guilt
BUT---“I’m just too hurt right now.”—Suffering Saint—Get off the cross-we could use the wood!
BUT---“What if they aren’t receptive or reject me?”---Worry
HERE’S WHY WE DON’T FORGIVE… “I CAN’T FORGIVE BECAUSE I WON’T.”
Being healed of bitterness is more a choice than anything else. Paul said, --Put away these things---Eph.4:25
Many times we fail to see our own responsibility in these matters. The “bitter end” to bitterness is almost always some kind of open confrontation or show-down that nobody wins. I’ve seen it tried too many times & maybe you have too. People fantasize about an open face-to-face airing of their grievances but it ends in more hurt & more damage. I’m not opposed to confrontations if the time is right & people’s hearts are right.
BUT----BITTERNESS MUST BE DEALT WITH UNILATERALLY
REMEMBER---, bitterness, being a soul depleting malignancy isn’t able to forgive anyone so the bitterness must be dealt with personally before any kind of reconciliation is attempted.
Do you think I’m making too much of bitterness? Well I’ll tell you this. This sin is the reason so many families are in shambles, is also is the major cause of many of the problems in the church, & is the primary reason revival tarries in America. Satan is close to taking us all down the toboggan slide to destruction with something most of us haven’t even recognized yet as evil.
But you say, “I’m not bitter, I’m just easily hurt.” So you see the close relationship that exists between hurts & bitterness. Hurt is bitterness’ ugly cousin. The devil says, “Well when he quits lying or he quits doing this or that or when he says he’s sorry then you will feel better.” But suppose he doesn’t quit? Suppose he never quits? Are you going to be bitter the rest of your life because someone else is in sin? That makes no sense at all.
You may say, “I will forgive him when he says he’s sorry, but not until then. I have a right to my bitterness until then.” Now watch this; let’s hypothetically say this person whose hurt you finally comes & says “I’m sorry.”[In your dreams!] Do you think you can now forgive him? Nope! As we’ve said, bitterness doesn’t forgive because it can’t. In order to forgive this person when they say they’re sorry, you have to be ready when they say they’re sorry.
If you are ready to forgive them before they say they’re sorry then it doesn’t depend on whether they say they’re sorry or not. Again you get rid of bitterness unilaterally, or on your own. What the other person does or doesn’t do doesn’t matter. Bitterness is a sin & stands alone.
In order for me to get rid of bitterness I must see that it’s evil & that it is my sin & mine alone. I don’t get rid of it when the other person quits or dies. I get rid of it by seeing it as a sin against a holy God & receiving forgiveness & I can’t be free of it if I won’t let it go. I can’t shake it off I must cut the root, destroy it & eliminate the residual fruit & seeds lying around.
After the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house. There she bitterly cried that its limbs & trunk had been destroyed by Federal artillery fire. She looked to Lee for a word of condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss.
After a brief silence, Lee said, “Cut it down, my dear madam & forget it.” It’s better to forgive the injustices of the past than to allow them to remain & let bitterness take root & poison the rest of your life.
A major component of ridding ourselves of bitterness through forgiveness is the recognition that Jesus paid it all for our sins & for all the sin done to us. If we allow God to give His grace freely He can & will take the disease away.
Unforgiveness is a hell-bent sin & Jesus said plainly in Matthew 6:15 if we don’t forgive others, we won’t be forgiven. If we will not allow Jesus to take our bitterness, then we take it on ourselves. If we say NO! They must pay! God says, NO! You must pay!
There is no area of our lives where we can be more Christ like than when we forgive. The powerful positive principle of forgiveness will unlock our embittered spirits & set God’s power free in our souls.
Once the chains have been broken & we are free, God forbid that we ever pick up the chains of bitter bondage again.
Blessings,
John
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