"Saving Face" --That Old Devil EGO

By John Stallings

In 1985 a super group of American popular singers were invited to Los Angeles to record a song written by Michael Jackson called, “We are the world.” It was billed as USA for Africa.

Arranger Quincy Jones held the baton & the charity single was intended to raise funds to help famine relief efforts in Ethiopia which experienced unusual drought in 1984/85.

The single sold 800,000 copies its first week & was the highest debuting single since John Lennon’s “Imagine, “ & won Grammy Awards for song of the year & record of the year.

Jones coined a statement that day that took on a life of its own when he placed a sign at the front of the studio reading, “Please check your ego at the door.”

Jones knew he had a few dozen of the most successful solo artists in the world in one place & all of them were used to running their own show so he said in essence; “You’re not going to sing a solo [though an effort was made to somehow feature everyone’s voice at some point-that to me was comical,] you’re not going to fiddle with the sound-system & you’re not going to call the shots. This is a group effort- period!”

From all accounts things went well that day because Jones was wise enough to see the obvious pitfalls of a venture like this & “nip old man ego in the bud,” & each of the performers realized the occasion was bigger than them.

WHAT IS EGO?

• Ego is the invisible shield planted around self to protect it from the outside world.
  · Ego is being shy & unable to move outside to connect with others.
  · Ego is fear of what others think.
  · Ego is critical & will not accept compliments.
  · Ego is lack of trust in others because trust has been violated.
  · Ego is living inside a comfort zone to protect from failure & other people.
  · Ego can be thinking you’re perfect or striving for perfection.
  · Ego will take the credit when credit doesn’t belong to you.
  · Ego has a mind like a steel-trap. Closed.
  · Ego is not allowing yourself to learn & grow for fear of responsibility.
  · Ego is refusal to forgive because you feel justified in your anger.
  · Ego takes offense quickly at what others do or say.
  · Ego is self-righteous & critical.
  · Ego is false humility.
  · Ego is oppressive & loves living in the past.
  · Ego is having to be in control of everything.
  · Ego is thinking no one can do it as good as you.
  · Ego is an inability to admit you need help.
  · Ego needs to “keep up with the Jones.”
  · Ego needs to appear like everything is perfect when it isn’t.
  · Ego is a victim.
  · Ego is prideful
  · Ego will never, never apologize but if necessary, to preserve itself, will go down to the grave with every relationship torn asunder.
  · If we turn our lives over to God our ego will safely be left outside the doorway of our life.
  · In short---EGO IS ;

E.—Edging
G.—God
O. ----Out

WE ALL HAVE AN EGO

If we didn’t have an ego we wouldn’t last long on this earth. Our Ego tells us what we want to eat for dinner, who our friends are & what books we want to read. The dangerous part of our ego’s is when it gets so swollen & inflated it turns into an evil monster with another name—self-centeredness.

Duke University did studies on ego & found that people who were egotistical & self-absorbed scored the lowest in any test measuring happiness.

We’ve all seen people who were egotists & usually they wonder why they have it so hard in life, but no one likes a person with a big-head, puffed-up with pride.

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk, slapped his ticket down on the desk & said, “I have to be on this flight & it has to be first class.”
The agent replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you but I’ve got to help these folks first.” The passenger asked loudly, “Do you know who I am?” Without hesitating the agent smiled & grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention please? She began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who doesn’t know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity please come to Gate 14.”

In the first chapters of the book of John, John the Baptist comes on the scene as the forerunner of his cousin Jesus. By taking a close look at what was happening here we can see the dynamics of what can take place when an individual is willing to make their ego subservient to a cause greater than itself.

John the Baptist throughout his life played second fiddle. That’s what his life was about. He played before, & he played behind, & he supported the main melody, the main act the main event, the “one who was coming,” which was Jesus. That was his job so that when Jesus came His voice would ring loud & clear.

It was John’s job to wake people up before Jesus came. It was John’s job to create an air of expectancy about Jesus & prepare peoples ears to hear His message. It had been many years since a great prophet had been active in Israel so John’s job was to wake the people up to the fact that God was sending Jesus the Messiah.

John was to be the dry run before the test. He was to be the lightening before the storm. He was to be the first tremor of the earthquake that was on its way. His job was to be the “leaked press release” before the president’s speech so that before Jesus came to speak, people would be speaking about what was going to be spoken.

The prophets Isaiah & Malachi years before had said that someone would come to do this, to prepare the way for God’s Messiah. John was to be a voice crying in the wilderness & he knew he was that voice. So up & down the West bank John went dressed like a prophet of old, eating bugs & stirring the people up with anticipation.- of Jesus who was to Come.

SO HOW DID JOHN LET GO OF HIS EGO?

John put his ego aside. He had disciples but he knew he wasn’t going to keep them for himself. They would be sent by him to Jesus.

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “Saving Face.” John wasn’t in the business of saving face; he was spending all his energies preparing the hearts of people for his cousin, whom he knew was the one sent from God to die for the sins of the world. Let’s take the word FACE as an acronym, using each letter to make a word describing John’s method of operation. The first word is;

FEAR

John let go of fear. Fear of being rejected & subjugated to his cousin Jesus. John could well have felt like his disciples following Jesus meant that they were rejecting him or that they had no more use for him. If John had given in to that fear he would have had to spend all his energy protecting his ego & kept his disciples in orbit around him, “The great John.”

We often see husbands so fearful that their wives will get out from under their control that they spend all their time working on their minds making sure there isn’t one speck of difference in the way they see things. I’ve known men who called their wives from work every hour, on the hour to talk, especially if they felt they needed to be conditioning her to think like they do on some issue. This is nothing more than fear that things will get out of their control. It’s an autocratic, mental domination stemming from an ego that would be crushed if it wasn’t regulating everything in their sphere. This in the long run plays out as genuine hurtful even destructive behavior.

Relationships will be healthier when we love others deeply enough to serve their needs rather than using them to meet our needs & further our agenda’s.

Our next letter is A, which stands for

ATTACHMENT;

Attachment- to being right; to being the only star in our personal solar system. John could have viewed his disciples leaving him for Jesus as an attack on what he was teaching. He could have allowed himself to let him view their behavior as a sell-out & dug in his heels to defend his precious ego. He could have started criticizing Jesus & pushing himself. He might have responded like a Blow fish blowing himself up to look bigger than he really was in order to compete with Jesus & keep his disciples as HIS disciples.

Do we have a heavy investment in always being right? We are in the middle of an argument with our spouse, a friend or loved one & we come to realize we are dead wrong. Do we admit it or do we dig in even deeper because our Ego is too fragile to “lose.” We are willing to hurt the other person & damage the relationship rather than simply admit we were wrong & apologize.

Why can’t we apologize when we know we’re wrong? Why can’t we say things like “I might be wrong”? Why do we have to have the last word in every altercation? Why can’t we reach out to others & extend an Olive branch of peace & understanding? It seems to me that if we allowed it free rein, our ego would destroy all our relationships & alienate the rest of the world so long as it was coddled, catered to, stroked & never threatened. The C stands for;

CONTROL,

.....the need to control others. If John needed his disciples to do things his way in order to feel good about himself he never would have let them go with Jesus. He’d have tried to control them. He might have tried to manipulate them or to somehow use guilt to get them to do his bidding. If we need others to behave or look or think certain ways in order for us to feel good about ourselves then we’ll be people who have a strong need to control others.
We need to learn from John. We need to learn how to love people deeply enough to let them go. To trust them enough to release them to blossom & bloom into the people God created them to be. Finally, E stands for;

ENTITLEMENT,

...the idea that I should be loved & respected without any personal responsibility or obligation. John might have felt that his disciples owed him their loyalty & that it was his right & privilege. Again if John had felt that way he would never have encouraged his disciples to follow Jesus.
However John doesn’t have a sense of entitlement. He’d rather serve others than expect them to serve him. If you & I really care for others we will let go of the FACE of an over inflated Ego & look for ways to serve them rather than thinking they owe us.

THE EGO’S OF JAMES & JOHN

In the tenth chapter of Mark, James & John the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus & asked Him- to grant that they may sit, one on they right hand & the other on thy left hand in thy glory.
Before we condemn these two men let’s look at ourselves & ask if we don’t have the same basic desire for recognition & importance; the same desire for attention & the same desire to be first. There is deep down within all of us an instinct to be out front, to lead the parade. And it’s something that runs the whole gamut of life.

Sigmund Freud contended that sex was mans dominate impulse but later psychoanalysts argued that the quest for attention & for distinction is the basic drive of human life. Our first cry as a baby was a bid for attention. We came into this world a bundle of ego.

A SWOLLEN EGO CAUSES US TO LIVE ABOVE OUR MEANS

People will drive cars they really can’t afford but they do it anyway because it feeds their ego.
Much of the latest housing crisis in America with people losing their homes is due in many cases to buying above what they could actually afford to pay for, thus they are going into foreclosure in record numbers. EGO is responsible for much of this.

EGO will cause you to be a name-dropper. In an attempt to pacify an enlarged ego some people will try to identify with so-called “big-name people.” They will make you think they know somebody they really don’t know. They will try to convince you they sip tea with famous folk. That actually happens to people.

SPREADING GOSSIP & LIES ABOUT PEOPLE IS THE REFUGE OF A SICK EGO.

When a person fails to harness their ego they will be driven to try to push others down in order to lift themselves up. When they do that they engage in a vicious sin & a sin God particularly hates. They will spread evil vicious lies on people.

Lately we’ve heard the politicians, Clinton & Obama, accusing each other of elitism. This also is one of the places the Ego goes, to snobbish exclusivism. This happens in churches. I’ve heard pastors say, “we have so many school teachers, & so many lawyers & so many doctors & businessmen in our church.” Now don’t get me wrong; these people ought to be in church. That’s fine. The problem is they can sometimes say this as if other people don’t count. Maybe we could call this; “An Ego-driven church.” If there’s any place that a doctor should forget he’s a doctor & a PHD should forget his education, church should be the place. When a church is true to its calling, it says, “Whosoever will may come.”
THAT BOY IS BACK IN TOWN

When Jesus returned to His hometown of Nazareth, the people responded to him with their EGO’S in full bloom. Jesus offended almost everyone. He asked His family, “Who are my brothers & sisters?” He told His disciples, “Get behind me Satan.”
He offended the Pharisees….the ancient religious right. He offended the Sadducees…the liberal, spiritual, well-educated left. He offended the Herodians…the opportunistic secularists of the day. Have you noticed how many folk are getting miffed in the gospel stories?
You can tell a lot about people when they are offended, especially when you see what it is in them that has been offended.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’VE BEEN OFFENDED THAT EGOS IN CONTROL.

When you find yourself saying “She didn’t include me…” They disagreed with me & were critical of me.” How dare he suggest such a thing?” “They didn’t consult me.” When we’re in that state…we’re controlled by something & it’s not God.

When Jesus goes home & He’s teaching, the home-boys & girls get offended. “Where did He get this stuff?” “I remember this guy from school. He had pimples back in Junior High. He was terrible at stick-ball. Who does He think He is?” “Its all well & good for someone to be a prophet but not someone I baby- sat…The carpenters son…might as well have been my son…nothing good can come out of Nazareth, certainly not me.”

Can you see how these people’s Ego’s caused them to be offended? In Jesus’ teaching in their temple, He mentioned how Elijah was sent to a woman during the famine & she received a miracle & she wasn’t even Jewish. He also mentioned General Namaan who was healed of leprosy & he’d been Israel’s enemy. They felt like God worked only through the Jewish people & here was Jesus, point blank telling them it wasn’t so. These Nazarene’s blew a fuse. They said, “Enough of this. Man the battle stations….Lower the draw bridge…Stones for everyone…Lock & load.” Jesus had bruised their tender & sensitive Ego’s.

NAMAAN’S EGO ALMOST LOST HIM HIS MIRACLE

You will no doubt remember him from 2 Kings. Namaan was a great man, a general in the ancient army of Aram, the area we now call Syria. He was great but afflicted with leprosy so he comes south to Israel & meets with the prophet Elisha.

He has heard that Elisha can heal him so he goes to Elisha’s humble house but Elisha won’t even come out to meet him. Instead Elisha sends his servant out to tell him to “go wash in the Jordan River seven times & you’ll be clean.”

Namaan gets miffed. He’s hurt & upset. Remember this man has a large ego. He’s filled with pride & flies into a rage. “No exception for a man like me? And what is this Jordan River? Its nothing compared to the rivers of Damascus! It’s just a puddle or a pond.” It was all beneath him. His ego almost outweighed his chance for healing.

Namaan had some good & faithful servants who said, “Do it anyway Namaan, do it anyway.” Namaan put his ego aside & found his healing & a new life in a seemingly small & insignificant thing like dipping himself in the Jordan seven times.

THE GREATEST SERMON CHRIST NEVER PREACHED

Our example in humility & laying aside of ego is Christ. In John 13:1-14, Jesus laid aside His garments & took a towel & began to wash His disciple’s feet. Jesus didn’t preach this sermon but a sermon it was; a sermon in humility. In Jesus’ day, this was a job for slaves because people’s feet got every kind of filth on them from dirt to dung. This one, who was the Messiah of God, humbled Himself & became obedient to the circumstances of human existence to the point of death on a cross.

Jesus affirmed Himself on Palm Sunday as Messiah & allowed the crowds to shout hosanna. But then, with not an egotistical bone in His body, He went from the praises of Palm Sunday to the humiliation of the Roman cross.

But made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled Himself & became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.—Philippians 2:7-8

Blessings,

John