By John Stallings
The story is told of an African people who regarded monkey meat as a delicacy. The monkeys however were difficult to capture rarely straying from the safely of the trees.
Nevertheless the villagers found a way to get their hands on the monkeys. They fashioned crude clay bottles that were round on the bottom & curved up into long necks…..The villagers filled the bottom of the bottles with peanuts & set them out on the floor of the jungle. Then they went home to bed.
During the night the monkeys smelled the peanuts sensed that it would be safe & came swinging down from the trees to investigate.
One by one the monkeys reached down into the bottles & grabbed a fistful of peanuts. When the monkey tried to retrieve the prize however it found it couldn’t pull its fist out of the bottle. Though it strained with all its might it could not pull the peanuts from the bottle.
The next morning the people arose & walked out to the clearing in the jungle where they found the monkeys still trying to pull their treasure from the bottles. Casually the villagers scooped up the monkeys, broke the bottles & carried the animals home to provide meat for their festival.
The monkeys lost their freedom because they were not willing to let go. They refused to unclench their fists. So it is with our resentments. If we want to be set free from our resentments we most likely will have to let go of something.
In Luke 15:11-32 we read about the parable of the father & his two sons. This is one of the best known stories the Lord ever told. It’s the story about coming home. Of repentance & reformation. Of return & forgiveness. Of acceptance & restoration. Of finding what was lost.
We think of the father welcoming home his lost son. His joy at receiving back alive that which was dead. For finding, of receiving back that which had been lost. We think of his elation. Of his celebration.
But there is much more here to explore & discover. This isn’t just the parable of the prodigal son, for the first line of the parable says that there was a man with two sons. It’s a parable about two sons; an elder & a younger, & about a father.
The Prodigal son left home & wasted his money on fleshly pursuits. He woke up one day in a pen of swine & decided to return home to his father & seek forgiveness. Upon his arrival home he asked to be treated as one of his father's hired servants.
However his father was so happy his son had returned, he ordered the finest clothes to be placed on his back & a ring of honor to grace his finger & the fatted calf killed to celebrate the return of his wayward son.
But the elder brother in the story resented the way his father treated his returning brother. After all, he blew it. He’d wasting his inheritance satisfying his fleshly appetites, embarrassed the family name & hurt family business.
WHY WAS THE ELDER BROTHER SO RESENTFUL?
Let’s look at it. His attitude was; — “O.K. It’s fine for us to welcome my brother home. But let him sleep out in the barn. I have some old clothes I’m not wearing that I’ll give him. That’s good enough. Let him tough it out & maybe he’ll see just how bad he sinned & hurt this family, especially my father.”
However, the thing that really ticked off the elder brother was the party his father gave his returning brother. This party made the older brother resentful. Let him return home, but to bread & water not to the fatted calf; to sackcloth, not a new robe; to ashes, not jewelry; to kneeling, not dancing; to tears, not celebration. It was fine in the eyes of the elder brother for the Prodigal to be reunited with the family, but Oh how he resented that party.
· The woman with two children, whose husband left her for another woman & now she faces the full financial support of the family- is resentful.
· The woman who feels her husband’s company takes too much of his time & he never has quality family time, -is resentful.
· The older person whose health is failing & faces the prospect of a nursing home- is resentful.
· A person nearing retirement who watched their investments go up in smoke because of bad investments by the fund trustees –is resentful.
· A high school student who didn’t make the team…or cheerleader…or first chair band…or the lead role in a play—is resentful.
· A young child whose daddy died is resentful of their mother’s new boyfriend or husband & begins lashing out.
RESENTMENT CAN’T BE CONCEALED
When you are resentful, a major part of you closes down. You become bitter & less able to express love. You lose your joy & put up walls of protection that make life more difficult.
Letting go of resentment isn’t something you do for the benefit of the other person. Letting go of resentment is for you. When you resent someone you’ve essentially said they are the problem so you don’t have to look at yourself.
Resentment raises it’s ugly head on the first pages of the Bible with Cain & Abel. Why is resentment a sin? Because if resentment is allowed to fester, the end result will be murder in one form or another just as happened with Cain & Abel. Some time probably elapsed between the time the resentment began to grow in Cain & the fruition of his explosive action. This is called “repression.” But repression doesn’t solve anything, it only postpones. Soon- very soon it morphs into a manifestation of full-blown resentment.
Resentment by definition is-
- Anger that is re-sensed or re-felt.”
· It is animosity just beneath the surface but it can’t go long without bubbling to the top to show itself in word & deed.
· Unresolved anger over a negative event in our past.
· Seething, aching emotional turmoil felt when a person or event is discussed.
· Unresolved grief & lack of forgiveness & the inability to let go.
· Feeling offended, sometimes silently when we believe a person or group of people has ignored or denied our request.
· A root of depression that robs us of contentment in life.
· A feeling of frustration after having exerted great effort to achieve something that eventually was lost to us.
· Pouting or fuming at the mention of a name or group who has hurt or disappointed us.
· Dreams or nightmares or distressing thoughts about the offender.
· Anger & hostility at times for no apparent reason.
· Speaking in a derisive manner about the offenders.
· Becoming stuck in our efforts for personal growth.
· Fake excitement & enthusiasm about people we’d really rather have nothing to do with.
· Efforts to enlist others in our views & sometimes feeling they don’t except our wisdom.
· Passive/aggressive behavior [ignoring them] toward the object of our hostility.
· Touchy or edgy when reminded of person or persons we resent.
· Resisting all efforts to get us to work on forgiving & forgetting past hurts.
· Vehemently denying anger or hatred against those whom we resent.
· A hostile, cynical & sarcastic attitude is developing now even with those who haven’t hurt us. This shows what an aggressive cancer of the spirit resentment truly is.
· Feeling that things will never change so why try to alter the situation between us & “them.”
· Resentment is persistent ill-will. It has been called the cocaine of the mind /spirit because it’s so addictive & destructive.
Multitudes of people live years of twisted pain because they were not willing to let go of some hurt, some injustice. They feel if they let go of their resentment, they’ll be letting the person off the hook who hurt them.
You can see & hear resentment in Barack Obama’s wife Michelle. She has called America mean & said she has only been proud to be an American since her husband has been so accepted on the presidential campaign trail. I think it’s safe to say she’s one of most disappointed & unsatisfied millionaires in the country. It’s not hard to see she’s been thoroughly indoctrinated by her pastor of twenty years. Again, the fact comes shining through that resentment can’t be hidden any more than an Elephant could hide in your bathroom.
We run into people in all walks of life who’re full to the brim with resentment & haven’t a clue that it shows in everything they do. I’m sure you’ve met these people as have I. Through the years I’ve had female servers in restaurants or department stores to treat me like a serial murderer. I finally figured out that I probably remind them of a former husband or boyfriend. Here’s a good fact to have in your mental computer when dealing with resentful people; in most instances, -- “you aren’t the target.” Someone along the way has hurt them &, their resentment can’t be & won’t be hidden.
UNRESOLVED RESENTMENT EXACTS A TERRIBLE TOLL
Dr. Hans Selye of Montreal Canada has produced some real proof of what emotions can do to jeopardize health. In an experiment he injected a group of rats with disease producing germs. In a second group, he injected poison. A third group of rats were subjected to stresses that produced great anxiety, & mental & emotional confusion. The amazing result was that the stressors of hate, envy jealousy fear & anxiety produced bodily disintegration & brought on death just as certainly as did the disease germs & the poison.
Russian scientists have conducted several experiments with Chimpanzees. If you’re an animal lover this will tug on your heartstrings but there’s a great lesson to be learned here. A young Chimp who was living happily with his family was taken away & placed in a cage close by from which he could see & hear his family but could not reach them. Screaming with rage he could only watch as his fury mounted. Within three months he was dead.
Here’s the sad but instructive result of the experiment. When the body of the Chimp was examined after death, it was learned he died of severe hardening of the arteries, high blood pressure & an enlarged heart. Even though the Chimp was justified in his feelings, he died of jealousy, rage & resentment just the same.
Resentment is just like a toxic waste. We can’t carry it without being contaminated by it & toxic waste is known to cause cancer.
THE WOMAN WHO WAS RUINED BY RESENTMENT
The story of David & Michal, the wife of David’s youth is one of the saddest in the Bible. Michal was King Saul’s daughter & she was the love of David’s life. 1 Samuel chapters 18-19 give us the start of their story & reveal that Michal loved David very much. She saved David’s life when her father was trying to kill him.
But as they grew older something started happening to the relationship. No longer did they seem to fulfill each other & they grew critical of each other. David was forced by Michal’s father Saul to flee for his life & became a fugitive for several years. In David’s absence, Saul gave Michal to another man as his wife. 1 Sam.25:44. After David ascended to the throne of Israel, he called for Michal, feeling she was still his wife. Michal had to leave her husband of many years to go again to be with David. But this time she was just one of his many other wives.
It’s not difficult to see why Michal began to grow bitter & resentful over the years. There was a terribly hostile relationship between David, the man she loved & her father that tore them apart. Then she lost both her father & her brother Jonathan on the battlefield. The circumstances of life affected Michal just as they will affect you & me & cause us, if we’re not ever vigilant to become calloused & hard in spirit.
The climax of the story of Michal comes in 2 Samuel 6, when David was bringing the Ark of the Covenant back into Jerusalem. David was overcome with emotion that day & began to dance before the Lord as the Ark came into town. Michal looked out a window & saw him dancing & Bible says –She despised him in her heart.
After that, David & Michal had a red hot altercation that peeled the paint off the walls & each told the other just what they thought. The story is really a complex one because certainly David was an extremely complex man. However it’s plain to see that Michal had so slipped into cynicism & resentment over the years that she couldn’t be a wife to David, nor could she enter into Israel’s high-worship. Michal was into the pomp & ceremony & public image & she didn’t grasp the significance of the Ark of the Covenant, or David’s emotional dance.
Michal criticized David so severely that it drove a wedge between them. The husband she started off loving with all her heart, she ended up resenting if not flat-out hating. David just quit working on the relationship & had children with his other wives & concubines but evidently never had sex with her again. David put Michal away after that. He cut her off. She remained his wife, they didn’t divorce but they never had a child together. The Bible says she was stricken with barrenness & went to her grave childless.
Among other things this is a cautionary story showing us the danger of allowing the circumstances of life to harden us. It’s evident that not only did Michal resent David her husband; she had also grown to resent God.
We are told in Proverbs 4:23;--Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.
One of the things that will safeguard our hearts & keep the hard knocks of life from turning us bitter & resentful is;
A STRONG BELIEF IN THE PROVIDENCE OF GOD
By way of contrast, look at the life of Job. When you think of all Job endured in his life, you’d expect him to be a Bitter old man but it was not so. It didn’t happen because Job kept his eyes on God. In Job 13:15 he said;
Though He slay me yet will I trust Him….
In Job 23:10 Job said;
….When He hath tried me I shall come forth as gold.
In Romans 8:28 Paul says;
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.
THE ONLY ANTIDOTE TO RESENTMENT
First of all we have to own up to the fact that we are harboring resentment & can’t deal with it in our own strength.
Job said,--To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.-Job 5:2…Living Bible
In the heat of argument a lady told her husband, “I’ll dance on your grave when you’re dead.” Upon hearing that, he specified in his will that he be buried at sea.
The American Medical Association has long suggested that over 50% of man’s illnesses are Psychosomatic Diseases. In short this means we are suffering from our own mental attitudes.
Here’s where Christianity comes in. The teachings of Christ are tailor-made for this kind of healing because they are positive & constructive & major on forgiveness & getting our attitudes right..
Medical people are all but telling us, “If you want to live a healthy lifestyle & be mentally & emotionally fit, be a Christian.” It’s rather heartening for we who are Christians to hear the highest health authorities in the land advocating the same things Jesus & Paul taught.
Paul said in Romans chapter 12, “Bless them that persecute you; bless & curse not…..
The model prayer Jesus taught His disciples was….And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.
Not only did Jesus teach forgiveness, He practiced it. As He was hanging on the cross dying, He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. Luke 23:34
As one man said, “being resentful & expecting it to hurt someone else is like drinking poison & expecting the rat to die.” Chronic resentments we carry around create deep-seated abscesses that ruin our personalities & poison our mind, producing diseased bodies.
I’ve known people who’ve developed ulcers & were told by doctors they’d soon bleed to death if they didn’t get their emotions under control. Forgiving will remove the emotional impact from the things which have happened to us in our lives.
Imagine for a moment a man standing atop some high building. While he’s standing there, someone comes along & pushes him off the building. Or maybe he is just standing to close to the edge & accidentally falls off. Or maybe the man jumps intentionally to commit suicide.
No matter what the circumstances of the man at the top of the building, regardless of whether he was pushed, he lost his balance & accidentally fell, or he jumped to commit suicide, the results on the pavement below will be the same. The man will be dead as soon as he hits the sidewalk.
Similarly, when we hold negative feelings of resentment & hatred the end results will be the same whether we’re justified for our feelings or not. Remember the Chimpanzee who died in the Russian experiment? He was right in feeling resentful but being right didn’t save him from high blood pressure & destructive stress.
How does one rid oneself of resentment? The answer is very much in this Parable of the Elder Brother. His resentment stemmed from the notion that when those who don’t “follow the rules” suddenly are welcomed into the mainstream of God’s love & forgiveness, they got there in an unfair way without “paying their dues.”
But the truth is, this fact is what gives the message of Christ its shine & its uniqueness. If only the “elder brothers” of the world could only wake up & forget themselves. If only they weren’t so selfish, so petty, & uncharitable, so lacking in humility, in compassion & the desire to serve they could rid themselves of resentment & get a party like prodigals get.
What about us? Are we the resentful elder brother?
At present there is a revival in progress in Central Florida reaching thousands of people, many of them young people. Having lived here almost all my life I can speak with some authority & say this revival is a record breaker in more than one way. To accommodate the crowds they’ve had to acquire large stadiums.
The 32 year old young man at the helm of this revival is very different. Before the revival I’d never heard of him. He has body piercings & his arms are a quilt -work of tattoos, & tattoos run up his neck to the extent that unless he wore an upturned collar, you could see them. He’s what some people would call eccentric.
The revival is being covered by “God T.V” so it’s available on our T.V screens each night. I’ve watched it some but keep in mind; I’m “Old school.” I came from the era where we had freshly cut hair & always wore a coat & tie in the pulpit.
Old Satan would delight in getting me all bent out of shape & fall into the “elder brother” trap about the revival but I’m “not ignorant of his devises.” Unless I know without a shadow of a doubt that something immoral or unscriptural is going on in that meeting, the only thing I can conscientiously do is say as Gammiel of old said, speaking of the early Christians-- “If it be of man it will come to naught. Acts 5:34.
In my view we should celebrate what God is doing in our midst, even if good things are happening to those of a different “religious stripe.” I’ve had over fifty years of ministry & so far I haven’t turned the world upside down. How can I now be petty & little spirited when I fought bias & pettiness so hard in Christians during my early years?
Let’s join the celebration, even if there are in attendance those who don’t look & act like we do. Maybe that’s a compliment to them.
When our hearts are full of gratitude there’s no room for resentment.
We shouldn’t allow our souls to become shriveled & like the prodigal’s elder brother refuse to join the celebration. Nor should we, like Michal, see all the joy drained out of our lives because of the way God is blessing someone else.
“Let go & let God.” Let’s let go of our resentment. Let go of things that can only hurt us & pull us under & join God’s great celebration.
Blessings,
John
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